Tentang Dunia

Aku selalu berpikir, berharap, bahwa duniaku bakal terbentang seluas-luasnya, bahwa duniaku diisi petualangan-petualangan ke negara-negara eksotis, kaki yang selalu melangkah, adrenalin yang sering terpompa dan hidup yang tak pernah bosan dan penuh tawa..

Aku takut berada hanya di satu tempat, takut bahwa 'menjadi dewasa' berarti hidup monoton penuh rutinitas dan kehilangan rasa cintaku akan nikmatnya hidup, kehilangan kesempatan bertualang, melihat dunia dan terkagum-kagum sambil merasa betapa masih banyak yang harus aku pelajari..

Tapi... tapi entah sejak kapan, duniaku berubah menjadi seseorang.. Entah sejak kapan rasa takut untuk melipat sayapku dan berhenti terbang, berganti dengan rasa nyaman saat aku berada di pelukannya, merasa bahwa ini memang tempatku, dan dia adalah jangkarku..

Hari-hariku sekarang.. Tidak kujalani di negara-negara eksotis.. Meskipun begitu, hari-hari itu juga tak membosankan dan penuh tawa.. Dan aku melihatnya, dan terkagum-kagum sambil merasa betapa banyak yang masih harus aku pelajari..

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On a side note, it's amazing that just leaning on someone's shoulder while watching a movie makes one feel so happy... And as they say.. It's so difficult to fall asleep when reality is finally better than your dreams..

"How's Life?"

.. the question that people usually ask when they see someone who've been MIA for a long time.. haha.. Wow, I realised I haven't been writing on the blog for really long, though I've been writing a lot of personally, mulling over things, reflecting, growing.... The thing is.. this blog has been chronicling my thoughts from the first year of university - it was created precisely to document my archi student journey - and somehow it does not feel right to not write about this intense time as I get closer to the end of university...

Anyway, Life.. has thrown a lot stuff on me lately, but also, I've asked a lot from it..

Studio.. sad to say that I've rather wasted the chance to grow through it.. If anything, I'm currently a virtually passion-less, complain-full, gossipy, 'I-don't-even-wanna-go-to-studio-if-I-can-help-it' student who harbors a lot of resentment to the person I should respect the most in the studio, the person who talked me into applying for landscape architecture, no less. The realization that I am not rising above the situation but instead going with herd mentality of "ah alright the rest are generally dragging their feet around too so what I'm feeling is ok" marks another all-time-low in life.. sigh..

Well, beneath it all, there's still my unwillingness to let my love for design and my life in general be ruined because of that constant, nagging thought that I'm really not learning anything, wasting my time, and just wishing it will soon be over.. I just have to believe that there's still a little spark inside waiting for the right moment, the right trigger, to ignite again and consume me thoroughly with renewed passion...

Aside from studio though, Life's great =) Just came back from a capoeira roda and felt inspired, energized again.. Really, there's not a lot of thing more beautiful, more joyful, more unifying, more uplifting, more relieving than a roda, even if this time I was just a spectator due to unfortunate clash of studio deadlines with capoeira events.

And then there's.. well.. there's someone in my life that fascinates, just fascinates me right now and as I go into that scary yet rewarding process of getting vulnerable, being nervously afraid and yet find that it's worth it.. I'm really grateful..

Hufh.. In my church it was said to the youth, there are 3 decisions in Life you really need to get right: what you believe, whom you spend your life with, and what you do for a living... To deal with all three of them at the same time is rather overwhelming, and this is just the beginning..

But hey, that's Life =)

-

Don't think of anything else.
Your excuses are not needed.
And whatever is your past
I'll love you who ever you may be.

I love you, because I love you
What ever they think about is not important.
I love you, who ever you may be

___

The words I needed to hear, have been said.. And the tenderness of it all holds me, awes me, soothes me..

Oh, how I am happy.

Early morning Inspiration

"I fear not the man who has practised 10 000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10 000 times."
- Bruce Lee

Sang Pemimpi

"Mimpi itu gratis.. Aku yang nggak punya apa-apa ini cuma bisa mimpi.. Tapi, mimpi itu harus tercapai. Aku harus usaha, kerja keras, sampai titik darah penghabisan. Kerja keras dengan ikhlas."
- Sugie, anak Lanskap IPB

Dan aku, langsung merasa malu, karena aku bahkan lupa bahwa menjadi seorang arsitek adalah bagian dari mimpiku.. Di tengah-tengah realita surutnya ide, kerjaan yang selalu dikritik dan terasa sia-sia, inspirasi yang lari entah ke mana, sungguh gampang melupakan mimpi kita sendiri. Sungguh gampang mengatakan, 'Ah sudahlah, semuanya sia-sia, aku nggak cukup baik untuk meraih mimpi ini..'

Untungnya, mimpi itu gratis. Dan kalau segitu gampangnya mimpi diraih, itu bukan mimpi namanya.
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Apa yang kau takutkan
Dengan semua ini
Bukankah kesedihan
Sering kita alami
Keadaan ini
Buat kita terbiasa

Dengarkan ku bicara
Teruslah bermimpi
Walau kenyataannya jauh berbeda
Teruslah bermimpi
Jangan berhenti

Percayalah
Lelah ini hanya sebentar saja
Jangan menyerah
Walaupun tak mudah meraihnya

Menghentikan pikiran dengan mata terpejam
Menunggu malam bisa hapus kenyataan
Biar saja mimpi jauh membawa kita

Tetap tersenyumlah
Biar semakin mudah
Karena kesedihan pun
Ternyata hanya sementara
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Mimpi teruslah bermimpi
Jangan pernah berhenti bermimpi
Mimpi bisa jadi nyata
Bila engkau berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Mimpi teruslah bermimpi
Siapapun boleh saja bermimpi
Asal jangan engkau lupa
Dan selalu berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Tak ada mimpi yang terlalu tinggi
Semua sangat mungkin 'tuk diraih
Panggillah aku seorang pemimpi
Panggillah aku ini sang pemimpi

Mimpi bisa jadi nyata
Bila engkau berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Tak ada mimpi yang terlalu tinggi
Semua sangat mungkin 'tuk diraih
Panggillah aku seorang pemimpi
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini sang pemimpi

The T-Rex Approach to Romance?

"..a theory that Luke and I have learned this year about the T.rex: that it didn't actually BITE at all but just grabbed and tore at its prey, half the time leaving it just wounded, but with enough toxic T.rex slime in the wound to infect fatally. All the T.rex had to do was follow the poor sick guy around and watch until he dropped."
- Adam Gopnik, Paris to the Moon

Hm... wonder if there's a way to attract a crush that entails just doing one thing, leaving the person, and just wait till he/she 'falls' .. haha.. Would a perfectly suave pick-up line delivered in perfect timing do that? Nah..

That's the thing about relationship, even just the beginning of relationship.. by its very nature of forcing us to continually relate to another person, it demands constant, unrelenting attention..

Still, I'll explore the possibility of the T.rex approach a bit further... ^^

On Doctors and Handstands..

Went to Chinatown with a capoeira friend yesterday, looking for a shinshe (Chinese doctor) to check my foot, since the nerve is still a bit painful after my last injury. Found a place in one of the malls, which was manned by two ladies.. Now, I've always believed that the only Chinese doctors that are of any good are 1) Male, and 2) Old, but since they had very pro-looking advertisements outside the shop (pics of acupuncture, moxa, etc etc) I thought I'll just give it a try.

As expected.. the lady who was going to massage me came from China and could not really speak English, and she kept asking me which part is painful while pressing around.. Communication was done by me cringing when she pressed something painful, so that was easy.. Then, she asked, how did I get the injury..

I tried to explain "the injury happened when I was practicing handstand for capoeira and landed on my toe" with body language (lots of finger action) but it failed miserably huhu.. So... I kinda cornered my capoeira friend into demonstrating a handstand right there and then in the Chinese clinic hahaha..
Me: (in chinese) "ok lady, look at my friend there.."
*Bom Garoto demonstrated a perfect handstand*
Me: (in chinese+body language) "so yeah, that's what I was doing, then I fell and my feet went like that..."
Chinese lady: "Ooooohhh..."

That gotta be the coolest thing she'd seen this week hahaha..

Aaaaaaanyway.. Out of the three target moves I really wanted to do since I joined capoeira, I'm still lousiest at handstand.. Yeah well, it's true what one of my instructor said: the human body is not made to stand on hands, so you need to practice, practice, practice. Am giving myself till end of September to master it.

Control. Balance. Power.
Capoeira!

A Little Bit of Rant..

I don't understand my mom. I really don't. At this point, I don't even think of trying..

Took a flight from Jakarta back to Singapore yesterday and my parents, who happened to be in Jakarta for a relative's wedding, escorted me to the Sukarno-Hatta airport.

Just before I went into the gate, Mom said, "By the way, I put a photo in your luggage.. It's you, but altered a bit so the eyes are enlarged. Look at it, ok, just for your consideration if you want a cosmestic surgery."

At this point, I was totally speechless.. but then I realized I was damn pissed and I told her, "You know, even if I look prettier I wouldn't consider cosmetic surgery."

Reply: "Well, just for your consideration, just look at it first!"

*I haven't looked at it. I kinda refuse to, on principle.*

Hufh.. I don't know what's gotten into her head.. She's been telling me to consider plastic surgery since around 2 months ago, and well, that kinda sucks because my whole life I've struggled with the feeling that I hate her, that she's just never going to accept me the way I am, and this doesn't make things any better.

Revenge plan? Am gonna find an Indian guy who'll agree to be my pretend-boyfriend and proudly present him to my parents, adding that I'll move to India soon as my job contract ends. Oh, revenge is sweet.

First capoeira cordao!

The three juniors holding our first cord.. surrounded by beloved seniors ^^

I've gotten my first capoeira belt! =D Well I'm nowhere near being even a remotely good capoeirista, but as my mestre said: "You are now officially part of the Zambiacongo family." =)

Wow.. I can't believe I first joined capoeira only because the schedule fits my free time haha.. Throughout the four days of capoeira camp I was so inspired by Mestre Luizinho, by SMU and ITE Zambiacongo members... the movements, the flow, the music, the energy.. I've always thought capoeira is such a beautiful game, but I think I've just seen a whole new level of beauty and awesomeness to it!!

As always, talk is cheap.. this time, here's a video for everyone who thought capoeira is just a dance and there's not much of a fight aspect.. Enjoy!

On Clubbing

"Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time. Serenity, that nothing is."
- Thomas Szasz

Few nights ago, I could not go to training because of my injury, so I went for dinner with the CS peeps instead. Great crew, great conversations - as often happens when almost everyone has a different nationality - and then someone said, let's head out for a drink.

Now, I'm glad to enjoy drinks with friends, but I've never drunk in a club, just because I don't like crowds. I.e: I've never went "clubbing", just because I've never sought out the opportunity and totally had no idea what that entails. That day, though, I did not really care because.. I had to get rid of that gnawing, irritating feeling that I could not train capoeira. (I know this is silly, but it's true.. Capo is a serotonin fix and I needed to get my fix from somewhere else.)

Turned out, clubbing was totally the wrong substitute.. Entered the club, obligatorily marched to the bar to get my beer, then joined my friends.. Listened to the deafeningly loud music, then the live band, shook my head and body a bit... and ended up wondering... uhm.. Is there all there is to it?

Because, you see, it might just be my fault but I got the feeling that clubbing is just incredibly, incredibly boring.. and that's even counting the fact that: 1.I was with a great bunch of people whom I'd really like to know more (the loud music kinda dashed all hope of a proper conversation), 2.beer was free-flow (I like the taste of beer, but there were just too many people around the bar), 3.the band was great and the selection of songs was cool (though too loud).

In the midst of all the boom 'n gloom (boomz n' gloomz, if you like Ris Low), a friend spoke into my ear, "THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO FORGET PEOPLE!!"

Hmmm... is that the point of it all? It's incredible that one comes to such a packed place just to feel lonely, but yeah, what with the alcohol, dry-ice smoke and strobe lights, that might just work..

After almost two hours, I finally made my excuses because I could not stand the boredom anymore.. I mean, watching drunk people getting it on, fat old lao wais struttin' their stuff alongside their nubile Asian girlfriends were actually pretty interesting, but you can't depend on that for long...

Well, it also made me think, "Will I be like all the other clubbers at one point in life? You know, bored by the routine of work, too tired to think where to spend time, no family, friends can't really spend time with me, so heck let's 'go clubbin'?" That freaked me out.. Having an almost pathological fear of boredom, I'll be doomed the day I "don't know what else to do, let's go clubbing.' huhuhu...

Ah well.. Bear in mind, dear Reader, that this really is an amateur opinion, just my two cents' worth. No offense whatsoever to clubbers out there, in fact I salute you for being able to bear hours amidst those boomz!

"When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible to ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness.. and call it love - true love."
- Robert Fulghum

On Cambodia - Impressions

"I felt beautiful when I was in Cambodia. I was sweaty, and my hair was matted and all over the place. I was happy and hot and accomplishing a lot and running around, and I could feel my heart beating, and I felt beautiful."
- Angelina Jolie, when shooting Tomb Raider in Cambodia

It's been 2 weeks since I came back from Cambodia.. I've been meaning to write a piece on my travels but well, kept postponing it. Now the impressions I have are not so fresh and it seems that there are a lot less things to write about.. but still, the country merits some observations..

First things first, I had a great time in Siem Reap! (the only place I visited, due to time constraints). Before landing, I had an image that the airport was going to be.. you know, small, cheap looking, with the usual concrete-plaster-tile ensemble.. Couldn't be more surprised because the whole building shows great use of materials.. Raw concrete with smooth finishing (class!), combined with wood, sculptures, heck they even have glass-rimmed courtyards with beautiful gardens inside! Oh well, I took it as a sign of greater things to come, and dutifully marched to the line of immigration officers. After seeing my nationality in the passport, the officer serving me wanted to learn some words in Indonesian haha.. n I learnt my first Khmer word, "Soksabay" which means "How do you do?" =D

The city itself was pretty small, and well, honestly the buildings are simple and nondescript. Funny atmosphere of a city that you know is fast developing and building, but also retains a kind of village feel.. Reminds me a lot of smaller cities in Indonesia..except for one thing.. Siem Reap's clean!! Not-much-litter-lying-around clean.. which made me think, "What's wrong with Indonesia that we cannot do such a thing?" Hufh, anyway, it was also bloody hot and dusty, even with the large amount of greenery around.

On the streets, the most popular mode of transportation is tuk-tuk.. which is totally cool if you can appreciate the slower things in Life haha.. Seriously, though, the feeling of breeze in your hair (even if it's 40 degrees Celcius breeze..) makes it a nice experience. Motorbikes abound too, and what's so amazing is that all of them are seemingly for hire.. As soon as you make eye contact with a guy on a motorbike, he'll ask, "Motorbike, lady?" Once, I was right smack in the middle of the road trying to cross when a motorbike passed in front of me, and the moment I looked at the rider, he asked, "Motorbike, lady?" totally taking his eyes off the road and looking back at me when he was moving forward! That's what we call determination.. Anyway, it somewhat awes me that the pace of vehicles are so slow there, since the road is actually good and wide enough (unlike Hanoi with it's crawling traffic jams..). What sets the 'pace' of a place, I wonder? Coming from a place like Singapore, I think I'm starting to assume that everyone will surely go faster, faster, faster if they can, and it calms me down that there are still places people take it slow.

Talking about slowness.. DO NOT wait until you are very hungry to go into a restaurant in Siem Reap, because by the time they serve you the food, you'd have been almost willing to eat the table.. Ah, the downside of the slow pace I loved.. Great food though, mostly different kinds of curry the call "amok" (Somehow because of the expression 'run amok', I kept having an image of someone running around after eating that curry...)

The buildings, the pace of life, the food, and then.. there's the Cambodians. I have a very good impression of Cambodians, though yeah, my friends and I had several glitches like the boatman trying to extract a few more dollars above the agreed price, etc. I guess I'm comparing them to other SEA people - Thais, Vietnamese, Malaysians, Filipinos, fantastic fellow Indonesians - and I find Cambodians... sincere..

Hmm... yeah I think the word sincere describes my impression well.. When I was shopping around in the Old Market, the vendors asked me to look at their wares, but none were forceful.. The moment I smiled they'll just smile back and not try to 'detain' me, and funnily enough they seem to use this line a lot when saying good bye: "Good luck to you, lady/sir.." Anyway, I just feel that everyone is around doing their business but also accepting me as a tourist in their midst, and I don't feel like an intruder but I don't feel like a 'walking wallet' either.. Wonder if it's because there are still relatively few tourists in the area, but I sure hope things won't change with more and more people coming.. (which will surely happen, seeing how charming Cambodia is)

An incident I still remember... at one point, I was exploring a temple early in the morning, and a Cambodian lady selling scarfs approached me and said good morning.. Wanting to be nice and thinking I had lots of time anyway, I chatted with her a bit (Indonesians are still somewhat exotic to them hahaha..), but the whole time we were chatting I was waiting for her to start selling her stuff.. After about 5 minutes, she was like, "OK lady, good luck to you, have a good day!" smiled and started walking away just like that! I was dumbfounded hahahaha.. Half of me was glad because it seems she was curious about me without seeing me as a tourist, half of me was like, "Uhm, I don't look like the kind of people who buy scarfs?" hahahaha..

Next up: on the famed Angkor Wat and 'the other absolutely amazing temple', Ta Phrom.

Injury...

"He divines remedies against injuries, he knows how to turn serious accidents to his own advantage; whatever does not kill him makes him stronger. "
- Frederich Nietzsche

Hufh.. Trying to practice handstand last night and fell on my left knee and toe.. Juz came back from x-ray-ing it and thankfully just a sprain.

Still, it's a very irritating, saddening, maddening feeling to see people doing all kinds of things with their bodies and I'm stuck on the side watching.. I've always been a somewhat reckless person, so yeah injuries like this reminds me not to be so reckless, because it may well cause me my freedom.. Now that I love moving around so much, I love the way my body is getting stronger and more flexible, I love pushing the limits of what it can do and even loves having muscle fatigue on places I've never had muscle fatigue before.. I am so, very afraid of having all that taken away from me..

Yesterday when I fell on my knee, it was very painful in the beginning, and I was, like, "Please, God, not my knee.. I know sometimes I am more happy to go to capoeira training than to church.. but please, don't teach me a lesson this way..." while imagining all kinds of handicapped-for-life scenarios.. Classic run-to-God-when-there's-a-problem case.. but yeah, having my physical freedom compromised or taken away definitely ranks up there as one of my worst fears..

That said, you know somehow when you're doing something kinda dangerous you're sure that accidents will happen but you're not sure when, so you're just kind of holding yourself back when doing everything.. thinking "will it be this time? will it be when I'm doing this move?"

Well, in a way with this injury I feel like a kind of curse has been lifted hahaha.. And I won't have that kind of fear another time =D

Oh well, now I'll just hope I'll stop walking like a penguin sometimes soon..

Bits

"Funnily enough, that's the best word to describe.. Cunning with a conscience.."

"Yeah, it was so difficult to make appointment with my friend, he's like.. free but busy.."

"The real training starts AFTER training.."

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt"
- Shakespeare

High from capoeira roda.. Getting somewhat better at doing the moves and playing longer, which just means more adrenaline is pumped into my bloodstream each time.. ah well not complaining.. Where the axe calls, I go!

"Put your heart below your head. Fail to do that, bam, you're dead!"

Not Giving Up Yet...

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
- Lance Armstrong

About three and a half months into capoeira now.. And frankly, I did not progress as much as I want to. Maybe I forget too easily where I was at, a total klutz that didn't even have any confidence on my athletic ability.. Seen from that perspective, I can say to myself, "Not bad, Shiela, you've certainly improved your strength, your flexibility, your stamina.."

But I'm surrounded by capoeiristas who are good, great, passionate, inspirational, that well, the only way to look is up.. And I can't help constantly feeling like a noob huhuhu.. At this stage I appreciate how difficult capoeira can actually be.. To listen to the music, move with the rhythm, maintaining the form while reading your partner's moves and responding, all at the same time..

Am still lousy at synchronising my movements with the music.
Am bad at low ground movements.
My kicking form is not always correct.
Cannot read partner's moves.
My senior just said I jinga like a robot huhuhu...

But..

I love capoeira to the point that I desperately desperately desperately want to be good at it..
For a lot of things in Life I'm content to just watch from the side and be awed by their beauty or coolness...

Not for this capoeira thing.. I want to be right smack in the middle of the roda translating my passion into graceful movements!

And so..

The journey is gonna be long, no kidding.. It's nevertheless a very fun journey, and I've convinced myself that I can only get better..

Axe capoeira!

"Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes."
- taken from a CS friend's blog, M.V

Sentosa

..After being very, very prejudiced against Sentosa for a very long time (Sentosa = the epitome of everything artificial in Singapore), right now my perception of it is a bit better. When one visits it after staying away for 5 years, and then only with a high-octane-fun group of friends, then it is actually enjoyable.

Alright, the next scheduled visit is in 2015 =D

"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."
- Reggie Leach

Everything Bad is Good For You -Are Books Bad or Good?"

"We shouldn't teach great books. We should teach a love of reading."
- B. F. Skinner

Am currently reading the book "Everything Bad is Good for You: How Popular Culture Makes Us Smarter" by Steven Johnson. Well, it's an interesting enough book, and hardcore gamers will find a lot of reasons to justify gaming other than just improving motor co-ordination. The part that arrests me the most, however, is where the author compares gaming to reading (seeing as reading is often viewed as "good" and gaming as "bad") and argues that perhaps this perception might be different if games are invented before books:

Reading books chronically understimulates the senses. Unlike the longstanding tradition of game playing - which engages the child in a vivid, three-dimensional world filled with moving images and musical soundscapes, navigated and controlled with complex muscular movements - books are simply a barren string of words standing on the page. Only a small portion of the brain devoted to processing written language is activated during reading, while games engage the full range of the sensory and motor cortices.

Books are also tragically isolating. While games have for many years engaged the young in complex social relationships with their peers, building and exploring worlds together, books force the child to sequester him or herself in a quiet space, shut off from interaction with other children. These new "libraries" that have arisen in recent years to facilitate reading activities are a frightening sight: dozens of young children, normally so vivacious and socially interactive, sitting alone in cubicles, reading silently, oblivious to their peers.

Many children enjoy reading books, of course, and no doubt some of the flights of fancy conveyed by reading have their escapist merits. But for a sizable percentage of the population, books are downright discriminatory. The reading craze of recent years cruelly taunts the 10 million Americans who suffer from dyslexia - a condition that didn't even exist as a condition until printed text xame along to stigmatize its sufferers.

But perhaps the most dangerous property of these books is the fact that they follow a fixed linear path. You can't control their narratives in any fashion - you simply sit back and have the story dictated to you. For those of us raised on interactive narratives, this property may seem astonishing. Why would anyone want to embark on an adventure utterly choreographed by another person? But today's generation embarks on such adventures millions of times a day. This risks instilling a general passivity in our children, making them feel as though they're powerless to change their circumstances. Reading is not an active, pariticipatory process; it's a submissive one. The book readers of the younger generation are learnin to "follow the plot" instead of learning to lead.
__
I thought that was a very well-written paragraph that would cheer many a non-book lover hahaha.. As for me, well, it made me think of how even people who do not like reading view reading as some sort of sacred intellectual activity.. Especially parents of non-readers!! Growing up, it's pretty weird how my mom's friends would tell her "I wish my son/daughter likes reading as much as your daughter.." and she'd be kind of proud.. They didn't know I used to spend a disproportionate amount of reading time on comics! Guess I got lucky, I was born with a love for books.. Once, my mom asked me, "Please help make your brother love reading too! He needs it for his English!" I was stumped.. How does one make a reader? I think it's no exaggeration to think that it's like trying to make a boy behave like a girl, for these things just cannot be imposed upon someone!

"Books open your mind, broaden your mind, and strengthen you as nothing else can."
- William Feather

A Moon, Some Friends, The Sea

Somehow, after capoeira mini-training and supper, I ended up agreeing to go and watch planes taking off near Changi boardwalk with three capo friends.. Besides, one of them was so kind to "tumpang" me on his motorbike.. Which was how we ended up chatting and staring at the sea until almost 4 A.M.. and well.. The orange moon, the stars and the sea wind created a perfect atmosphere to talk 'deep' things... so...

Me: *After elaborating on the bad points of staying in Singapore, and in turn got 'served' some bad points about Indonesia* "You know what, only in the last one year have I felt like I can be in Singapore, like this can be home instead of just a place of transit.. Though I'd still prefer not to stay.."

T: "Wow, only one year? How long have you been here?"

Me: "9 years.."

T, F & K: "Nah Shiela, you kena the LKY trap already! Oh no! Don't stay, why stay in Singapore.."

Me: "Hey! Don't talk! You know that capo and capo friends are major reasons why I stop thinking of Singapore as just a place of transit and start really enjoying my life here! I'm just glad I can find a group of Singaporeans I can click with!'

K: "Well, this guy's half-Filipino, this one's half-Jap, and I'm hardly Singaporean.. We really don't count..."

Me: "Uhm... ya hor... Aw shucks..."
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That aside, despite usually thinking of Singapore as just your efficient but inhumanely sterile city, last night (and morning) was the first in a long, long time I felt that Singapore still holds some magic. You know, the kind of magic that makes you feel a place is quietly glowing, and you just want to stay calm, not wanting to disturb that beautiful quiet.. That magic abounds in Paris, so much so you can't escape it. In Hanoi, it was of a more down-to-earth, grittier variety, while in Singapore... well.. it's so rare that I learned to treasure the few places and people that makes me feel such magic..

OK we're veering into cheesy territory, forgive me.. Ah but, I'm glad to have found another little unusual piece of Singapore, and of course, glad for the company. It's always rather funny how people you've known for years remain acquaintances while some people you've met for just awhile become trusted friends.

To end the night, my friend "tumpang"-ed me all the way from Changi to Toa Payoh.. and hey it was such a great experience riding through deserted highways across half of Singapore haha..
The wind, the noise.. And it makes me happy how things and buildings that usually look familiar now just passed as a yellowish blur (dim road lighting, mind you).. I felt like I was in a different Singapore, one more calming, and interesting..

Hm.. I 'kena' the LKY trap, indeed...

Project RLH: April Book List

"Books are for people who wish they are somewhere else."
- Mark Twain

That Mark Twain quote can't be truer.. Hahaha.. Anyway, here are the books finished in the month of April.. Not as many as I would like to due to submission and exams, but still there are really good books among them.

1. The Man Who Loved China - Simon Winchester

2. Chicken Soup For The Soul: My Resolutions - Mark Canfield & Jack Victor Hansen

3. The Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri

4. South-east Asia : The Graphic Guide - Mark Elliott (must read for backpackers!)

5. In Defense of Food - Michael Pollan (very interesting book which I wanna write about but haven't gotten the time.. Soon..huhu..)

6. Cambodia - Rough Guides

7. The Man Who Ate Everything - Jeffrey Steingarten

8. Unkown Capoeira - Mestre Ricardo Cachorro

9. Why The Chinese Don't Count Calories - Lorraine Clissold (It's about Chinese food culture and it's a very good book to curl up with during rainy days..haha.. and now I'm so proud about Chinese food =p )

10. Thailand - D.K Travel Guides

11. When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris

12. Edible Aroids -S. Chandra

13. Aroids - Deni Brown

14. The Cultivated Aroids - Monroe Roberts Birdsey

I was in El Paso one afternoon, changing out of my swimsuit, and a young man said, "Excuse me, but aren't you..." When I was changing out of my swimsuit, I mean that I had nothing on. No socks, no T-shirt. My underpants were in hand. I guess the guy recognized me from my book jacket photo. The full length naked one on the back cover of my braille editions.
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

-

Sh: "So, you're a vegetarian?"
Me: "Yeah.. but don't worry I'm not standing on a moral high ground.."
Sh: "Religious reason? or personal choice?"
Me: "Choice.. for me it's like we're standing on a junction and you choose to turn left while I turn right..haha.."
L: "Well except there's more food on the left.."
Me: "Yeah.. well..."
__
And since we were in a middle-eastern joint, here was a sample pick-up line for a middle-eastern situation, suggested by a fellow CSer:
"I'm the falafel to your shawarma..."

=D

The Trees - Philip Larkin

The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too.
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
In fullgrown thickness every May.
Last year is dead, they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

All the world's a page!

This year, project RLH (read the update here and here) is on again! Been reading some good books lately since the end of studio, and the book list for April will be up soon.

Holidays + rain + books.. I can't be happier =)

Stair-y eyed! *.*

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how my house stairs will look like when I get to design my own house =D

View from above:


Ain't it grand?

Bits of April....

Somehow a lot of thoughts are swimming around in my head.. I guess this post is just cataloguing them in an attempt to organise my messy, messy mind haha..
___
Studio has ended! Wow! Honestly I have mixed feelings.. Feels like it just passed in a blur, at the same time, that it has dragged on for so long.. I feel relieved because it has ended, frustrated because again I didn't learn anything much, confused because I wonder if it's my fault or my tutor's fault that some periods of the studio were just a mess, and that not much came out of it in the end.. Still I'm glad that I did what best I could.. I fought, fought, and fought when giving up was the easy option. (At one desperate point I calculated whether my CAP would still be ok if I just slacked and aimed for a D grade..Haha.. It would! But am glad I didn't take that easy way.) In a weird way this semester taught me to be humble, because it was just so difficult to grasp what's happening in the studio, and to predict my tutor's reaction, that I had to throw away any confidence I have in my design and even myself. Well studio might not have been great, but yeah ok maybe with a bit of a stretch I can say it was good.

Still, one of the jury for the final critique panel was my old tutor who inspired me so much.. His studio was the time when I stayed in school the most often, usually two, three days in a row even on weekends, yet I felt so much satisfaction at the end of it.. When he was sitting there amongst the judges I felt like just kneeling down and begging him to accept me back to his studio hahaha.. Oh well, but even if I'm not on fire for studio, I do enjoy learning about plants and landscape, and I'm looking forward to working in this field. Guess that settles it.. One more year of struggles!
__
I'm 24 now! Hm.. I don't feel any different ahaha..(Though the other day someone said I have "blossomed".. wooow.. such a compliment!) Should've posted something on my birthday I guess but that was in the middle of final design, assignments etc. Glad for my 24 years so far.. Been a really good life, blessings upon blessings.. cliche as it is, I guess what's left is to be more of a blessing for others.. Make 'm laugh, as I've often tried to do =D
__
Official capoeira training is now limited to once a week in headquarters, no more NUS session (About the only bad thing in this long-awaited holiday), and I feel rather restless.. Too much energy during the week though come Friday I'll sweat and pant it all out! Still need lots of practice with the basic kicks.
___
Wonder if I put too much private material in this blog, though I'm ok with people reading it. The weird part comes when people whom I don't think I know well, or know me well, starts talking or chatting to me about things I write in my blog.. (In case you're sensitive, if you were amongst my secondary school friends, JC friends, architecture friends, french friends or ex-travel partners, if I've talked to you about personal problems before, then rest assured I don't mean you). It's just weird, because for me, reading someone's blog and knowing that person well is really not the same thing, and asking personal questions without knowing someone well is a bit too much.
__
Love the weather these days. Perfect for sleeping, reading, and night swimming.

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
___
We all need something to reminds us again, that being noble is worth the trouble! (Well, mostly..)

It is What It Is

What it is

It is nonsense
says Reason
It is what it is
says Love

It is unhappiness
says Caution
it is nothing but pain
says Fear
It is hopeless
says Insight
It is what it is
says Love

It is ridiculous
says Pride
It is careless
says Caution
It is impossible
says Experience
It is what it is
says Love

Erich Fried

Archi stuff from a non-architect..

Supper after capo-training *rest well, poor legs..* and a senior was talking to me about the book The Fountainhead by Ann Ryand. Will hunt the book tomorrow, but this is what he said,
"You know, after reading the book it feels like now I know a lot about architecture.. She said, If you design a building and one person out of ten likes it, you are successful because that is design. If you design a building and nine out of ten people like it, you fail, because that is mass production."

. . . . huhuhu it just adds to the complexity of becoming an architect!

Wanderlust..

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness..."
- Mark Twain

The holidays are coming! (A friend told me, though, "You gotta get over your mistress first..")
Ah well, freedom is virtually 5 days away.. Yay!

Anyway, in line with my newfound appreciation of Singapore, actually I fully intended to just stay here and take it slow.. I imagine having lots of time to raid the library, to revisit my favorite ulu places around the island, to take up French and Mandarin in my own time again, to sketch, to paint, play the piano, cook..

BUT! Some capoeira people are planning a trip to Bangkok and inviting people along.. I thought, well, why not, since it's just a 4 days trip. Then..I went browsing for Thailand travel guides in the library...and it made me want to backpack large swathes of Thailand hahaha.. After all, we might as well make full use of the carbon footprint of our flights, right?

So then.. Somehow a thought popped into my mind: "Hey what about Cambodia? Angkor Wat?" I looked at the book shelf.. Tons of books about Thailand, but very few about Cambodia.. That settles it: Cambodia here I come! Previously, hesitating whether to go because I couldn't find a travel partner. (I'm bold enough to backpack Cambodia alone, but I don't have the guts and the heart to tell my parents I'm backpacking Cambodia alone huhu..) That's settled for now, though,a friend's joining me and I think it'll be great fun! Yay!

Wwll, what's 2 weeks of travel in 3 months, I thought.. Then, some friends were talking about the Shanghai World Expo and before I realized it, I was sms-ing my dad, "Dad, what do you say we go to Shanghai to see the World Expo?" My fingers moved on their own I swear! Dad's reply "Of course! You take care of the timing and tickets." I gotta admit that having a Dad that dotes on you and likes the same things you do is kinda nice.. I was already imagining going down museums and checking out old buildings with my Dad telling me Chinese history...

...when my mom calls, "Ching you're going to Shanghai with Dad? I'll join you. Let's go to Suzhou as well.." Waa.. Told my mom that the condition for her coming along is: "No shopping" hahaha.. This will be a cultural and history trip since both me and my Dad are Chinese culture fans =D

...so much for staying in Singapore hahahaha... The whole month of June I'll be hopping around: Sg - KL - Shanghai - Suzhou - Hangzhou - Shanghai - KL - Sg - Bangkok - Siem Reap - Phnom Penh (?) - Bangkok - Sg... plus maybe some Northern Thailand or Canmbodian cities.

Oh, wanderlust!

Salmao...

Salmao means salmon in Portuguese.. so, what's with salmons, you ask?

The story goes, capoeiristas who have gone through their batizado ('baptism', or the first time they play with a mestre and is taken down in the roda) will get an apelido, a nickname, and it's usually the name of an animal. For example, some of my seniors are called Bat, Owl, Frog, Cat, Duck, Cheetah etc, in Portuguese. Few days ago, a capoeira senior told me, "Well, I'm not authorised to give out apelidos, but if I am, I've got one for you.."

..and it's Salmao! Hahaha.. Well no complaints since they're one of the most persevering animals around, but when I asked him if that's the reason for the apelido (I was telling him about my struggle in the studio, coming up with a new design each week and trying to persevere through it all..), he said, "You're supposed to fish it out for yourself. Pun intended.' Hmph.

Anyone wanna suggest their thoughts on similarities between me and salmons?

Last official capo training this semester... hiks..

Yesterday night was the last NUS Capoeira training this sem... so we had a long, long roda playing with all the graduating seniors, the exchange students going back to their country, and our members who are going for exchange, followed by full-fledged supper session talking nonsense haha...

Cliche as it is, in the middle of the long roda, while clapping, singing and watching the great game *The seniors' kicks were just fast and furious!! Aaaaa!!), I know I'm gonna sorely miss capo trainings.. Somehow it has become a habit that Mondays and Wednesdays I sweat it out with the capo gang,finished with supper cum "bonding".. Granted, there's still headquarters training on Fridays, but hey the axe (energy) is just not the same..

Gonna miss the graduating seniors.. As they go into the "dog-eat-dog" world (quoting the farewell speeches yesterday), we won't see them that often in the NUS roda.. These people who turned us from shy juniors watching the jogo (game) in awe from the sides, into budding capoeiristas who boldly and excitedly receive the kicks while delivering some of our own.. who very quickly embraced the juniors into the fun, easy-going circle that is NUS Capoeira..

Well, well, my friends would know that I am a bit wary of Singaporeans since getting to know quite some people who only come when they want help and are just too fiercely competitive.. so here's my mark of respect and admiration for NUS Capoeira: I love each and every Singaporean member in there hahahahaha... (of course the non-Sgs too!) There's just an easy-going-ness about them that I look forward to enjoying every training..

..or maybe that's the magic of capoeira...

That aside, at least with no more training I'm free to abuse my body for a week to keep up with submission demands.. Coffee and minimum sleep, hours sitting in front of Photoshop... here we go again...

Bye-bye, Capo.. Hello, Crit...

Orang yang kucari...

. . . adalah "orang yang bisa membuat hidupku tenang, yang bisa meredam ledakan-ledakan jiwaku, yang bisa membuatku tetap jadi diriku di manapun dan di saat apapun aku berada.. orang yang bersedia mengerti keanehanku, yang menerimaku apa adanya, yang bisa mengikuti sayap-sayapku yang selalu ingin terbang, kaki-kakiku yang selalu gelisah, sekaligus selalu membuatku ingin pulang kepadanya. Yang bisa membiarkan aku berloncatan kesana kemari, memberiku keleluasaan dan kebebasan yang besar sehingga aku bisa berdiri menantang angin, tapi juga tetap bisa berlindung kepadanya di saat badai. Orang yang bisa menerima bahwa aku ini berada di tengah-tengah dua dunia - dunia tradisional oriental dengan segala kesungkanan dan tata krama dan ikatan persaudaraan dan kemunafikannya sekaligus dunia modern yang bebas merdeka dengan segala keegoisannya." *

*Diambil dari blog seorang geolog perempuan Indonesia.. dan kaget karena tulisan ini benar-benar menggambarkan apa yang ada dalam kepalaku. Pernah sekali aku bertemu orang yang seperti itu, dan itu sudah kuhitung keberuntungan yang luar biasa. Di satu sisi, aku ingin tahu apa ada orang lain yang akan melengkapiku seperti itu, bahkan lebih. Di sisi lain, aku yang mengagungkan 'pengalaman' puas karena sudah pernah mengalami, dan karenanya bertumbuh dewasa.

Hidup.. Aku bahagia... =)

Capoeira continued..

Capoeira.. has made my life better in unexpected ways.. I'm surprised too at how positively it influenced me, especially since I just went into it spontaneously because the club schedule fits mine this semester. (It's proven once again that the decisions that made a lot of difference in my life are often made on a whim huhu...)

One thing is that, capoeira has calmed me down.. Literally, after each session my body feels tired in a contented way. What with the music, the camaraderie and the energy of the roda bringing me into a high, post-training I feel like I had just been shouting on top of my lungs to release some stress and so I voluntarily go into "quiet mode"...

It has calmed me down in a sort of mental-emotional way too.. My friends would know that I am a rather restless person, especially regarding staying in Singapore for too long haha.. Inside me there's a deep need to explore, discover new things, find the unusual.. Which I cannot satisfy in Singapore, but in a funny way, I find all that in capoeira for now.. Like, instead of discovering places I'm discovering things I can do with my body I've never had confidence to try before (bridge! and in the process of learning cartwheel and handstand hehe..). It's such a good channel for all my restless energy that this summer holiday, while waiting for the result of my internship application in Beijing, I'm really thinking I should just give up the internship and stay in Singapore to practice capoeira.. Creepy.. I even think that it's okay if I don't travel at all and just stay for 3 months in Singapore.. I tell you, anything that can change my "Singa-phobic" mindset this far is pure magic hahaha..

Capoeira.. makes me love my body haha.. Well, I've always believed in living healthy, eating nutritious food, exercise etc, but this is the first time I stick to a quite vigorous exercise routine for some time, and am so glad I did! The first few weeks, I can feel my arms toning up (the beginning of biceps! Yay!) so I'd just be narcissistically feeling my own arms several times in a day hahahahahaha.. Other side effects include firmer thighs and a rather flat stomach..But it might just be my imagination.. Seriously, though, one of my seniors was talking about body-builders who have such bulky, glistening muscles but can't even reach out far because the muscles are too tight.. and said, "Don't train your body based on what you want it to look like, but on what you want it to do." Wow such a change of mindset! I love my body because it allows me to do many things, and I hope this repertoire will continue to grow as I become a better capoeirista!

Capoeira.. empowers me.. Well I don't know if it's capoeira per-se or just the fact that I now exercise regularly, but the energy level I have is very, very useful for studio.. I've been having some rough weeks with my tutor and honestly it sucked out all my energy and optimism.. After a bit of roda (a kind of capoeira sparring) though, I'd feel a lot better and not so mentally drained.. Am very thankful that..

Ah, and of course it 'forces' me to take better care of myself.. Like, me being an archi student, the tendency is just to work work work especially when an idea grips me.. I'd work till 3, 4 AM then feel a bit dazed the next day.. Capo made me think twice about abusing my body that way because, hey, I cannot be dazed in the roda! Went to a training session with such a lack of focus once that when other people were kicking I was basically just turning around huhu.. So yeah, new habit, no late nights the day before capo practice, and it's great incentive to manage time haha..

Plus, I force myself to drink milk *Ewww... but necessary to build muscles what to do..*. Oh, and still regarding food.. Having regular exercise make meals more enjoyable.. It's a whole "I'm-rewarding-myself-cuz-I've-been-good" thing and I see nothing wrong with that.. Bimbo-ish as it sounds ,the freedom to eat what I want without fear of getting fat is SO liberating! And the first bite of food after rigorous training session is just.. Ahhhh....

Lastly, the best part of capoeira: fellow capoeiristas! Still wondering how come so many fun people conspire to all gather and join one CCA haha.. probably has to do with capoeira's Brazilian roots.. The people in the club are the ones that make me eager to go to each training session, and just brings a whole load of fun.. Capoeira is unique in this way because in the roda seniors and juniors will train together, no matter what level, and it bonds the whole club.. I still do solitary exercises like jogging and night swimming since it makes me relaxed before I sleep.. but for the ultimate high.. CAPOEIRA!

A bit of relief..

... because da mistress is back in my arms... Fiuh!

Was very nervous before studio this afternoon since it's been 5 weeks of consecutive slamming (i.e. whatever design and analysis I presented was rubbish), and it really shook my confidence as a design student.. I mean, at one point my tutor was asking, "Do you understand what we are saying? Is it communication problem?"

Huhuhu...

Aaaaanyway, sms-ed a friend to ask for moral support, and this is what he said, "Haha.. at this point in time, Jesus was having it rough too. Worst came on fri for Him but when sunday came he was partying HARD.. my take on holy week ;p"

Wow.. ok studio is indeed a minuscule thing compared to crucifixion! But the sms reminded again that God is around.. As much as I struggle with believing a lot of things in the Bible, I still find life is more meaningful when I believe in Him.

Hufh... anyway studio went pretty good and I've now somewhat recovered my motivation to design.. All is well! It felt as if a curse has been lifted, really, and a very heavy load removed from my shoudelrs.. For the past few weeks, can't really focus on anything except thinking about studio and what the h*** went wrong.. Couldn't read non-archi books, didn't have any desire to learn French and Mandarin, didn't feel like doing anything for the other modules.. Quoting dodo bird, "Careful.. Archi consumes you from inside and then suddenly nothing's left". Freaky and exaggerated as it sounds, it can be true sometimes.

Ah well, my oh-so-sexy mistress is holding my hand again.. C'est vraiment belle, la vie!

Accidents

Was talking to dodo bird about how love is blind, and hence lots of "accidents" happen.. Here's a poem I found while randomly browsing, which relates to that...

Accidents Happen

Kids messing about in the backs of cars
Can sometimes cause accidents to happen
While accidents in the backs of cars
Almost always cause kids to happen

=D

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
- Charles Dubois
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You Know Better Than I - from "Joseph, King of Dreams"

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

__
Suddenly felt like listening to this song.. And it brought me back to some turbulent times where the lyrics felt so meaningful.. Life's good for now, calm yet satisfying, and no big battles, but listening to this song reminds me again that.. As much as I'm stubborn, as much as I often feel I have to go through things by myself, as much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, as much as I hate letting go of my questions and trusting in His silence..

I'm here, able to look back on my experiences with strength and a smile, only because of Him.

The Simple Truth...

While walking back from capoeira practice yesterday:
"..when a girl is watching, a guy's strength and ego double, while his intelligence is reduced by half..."

For the record, a guy said it, not me!

The Library Hotel

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ok I needed to get that out of my system.. Was randomly browsing useless websites as usual, when I came across an article on Library Hotel....

I mean....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DREAM COME TRUE!!!!!!

Always wanted to stay in a library hahaha.. so perhaps this can be somewhat a fulfillment of that wish.. Here's a piece of the review:

"Do you like books? Do you really, really like books? Then the library hotel is where you’ll want to stay if you visit New York City. Every floor and room is dedicated to a different category in the Dewy Decimal system. Each room is full of books from its category and is decorated specifically to match the theme. With sixty rooms in all there’s something for every guest, from philosophy to mathematics to erotic literature."




To be able to stay there and book a room-full of architecture books? or fairy tales? or adventure? or detective novels? Waaa....

Oh well it was recently crowned Best Luxury Hotel in the United States though, so even if I get to New York I'll need to have made it as a landscape architect hahaha... Still, it makes me really happy to know that such a place exists.. Who knows, they might decide to open a branch in Singapore! ;p

Here's the link to check out their rooms if you're interested:
http://www.libraryhotel.com/photo-gallery/index.cfm
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"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library."
- Jorge Louis Borges

On F*ck

Was reading about swear words (can't remember where though) and how they used to really mean something.. It was an article about a guy lamenting that, in his time, when someone used swear words, he will get attention right away.. you know that the situation was getting serious and that was a warning to tread carefully. These days, however, people throw around swear words like it's really nothing.. Another studiomate said before, swear words are like punctuations that should be sprinkled all over.. Still another said, 'F*ck* is supposed to replace noun, verb and adjective all at once. (As in, "F*ck you, you f*ckin' f*ckface!")

Hmmm... reading that made me reflect on how I'm so used to the F word now that I hardly give a thought if someone said that around me.. When I first came to Singapore *Ahh the old days when I was an innocent snowflake.. haih..* I would really flinch when someone said it.. Up till JC time, I was forcing one of my classmates to say "Fiddlestick" instead of "F*ck" in my presence hahaha.. Somehow, thanks to certain beliefs I held, I partly judged a person's morality based on their tendency to say the word, "F*ck"...

Fast forward to university.. And the climate in Architecture is such that there are just too many occassions that merits saying the word "F*ck".. From rejected proposals, having to stay over on weekends, spilled ink, injured fingers when cutting models, running out of model materials, three deadlines in a week, etc etc etc.. Even the tutors say it sometimes... I still remember one of the first nights I spent in studio, I happened to sit near two rather explicit studiomates.. And ended up hearing more "F*cks" than I've heard the whole of my JC life..

Oh, there was an occassion when I said it too.. Can't remember why, but it was year 1 sem 1 also.. The thing was, it was accidental, but the moment the word came out of my mouth, my studiomates went quiet (They knew my aversion to the F word) and with disbelief in her face, one of them asked, "What did you just say? Did you really just said what you said?"

Talk about impact..

I've progressed (regressed?) since then. I no longer think that the tendency to say "F*ck" has anything to do with one's morality (Unless that particular person happens to have what we call a 'f*ckface'...). I no longer flinch when some friends say 10 "F*cks" in 10 seconds (Oh yeah it happens...) I say it whether accidentally in my mind, or purposely when talking to someone I'm rather pissed with or felt that I had to show my "bad girl" side.. (Hmm.. I didn't realize how silly it sounds till I write it down.. Some self-reflection is clearly needed.. )

Reading that article, however, kinda makes me miss a time where I can take the word "F*ck" seriously, and friends went deathly quiet when I said it accidentally because it seemed it really meant something...

The article went on to say, that because now swear words have lost their impact and meaning, society becomes more violent... As in, if words lose their meaning, then actions will take their place, no? So, to show you're really pissed, just saying "F*ck" is not enough, you gotta go in and bash the guy!

Actually you know what? Starting this moment I'm back to taking swear words seriously.. I want my words to have meaning and impact when I say it, and I still want that reputation of "Don't f*ck with me when I say 'F*ck'!" hahaha..

On the funny side of things, in the Architecture department saying "F*ck you" will not generate much reaction, but what will get people's attention is if you put an architectural term behind the F word.. As in, "F*ck context!" , "F*ck Modernism!", "F*ck Corbu!" (Oh yeah!)

Now that will have an impact for sure!

Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me and always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black..

- Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard

How deep is your love

Msn conversation between me n an archimate, ** (Name disguised but I have asked his permission to write this up..)

** : "She just sms me.."
Me: "Hooooo...."
** : "That's the most impt thing happened today.."
Me: "Hooooo...."
** : "Nothing else matters...."
Me: "lalalalala..."
** : "Not even architecture..."
Me: "Hoooooooooooooooooooo..... am so gonna put this conversation in my blog!"

The situation is indeed serious =D

Paris 26 Gigapixels

Paris... Ahh... Ok ok I'm still content to be in Singapore (am planning some summer trips anyway haha..), but it still feels good to ogle around the amazing roofscapes of Paris...

Paris 26 Gigapixel is a photography project where one can see a very high resolution of a panoramic photograph of the city, and I gotta say the result is amazingly detailed.. I can see the little lanes with the cafes, the intricate domes of the monuments, the Eiffel, of course, and just rows and rows and rows of those chimneys I fell in love with while in Paris..

Check it out: http://www.paris-26-gigapixels.com/index-en.html

And now, back to work...

CAPOEIRA!

Ah, capoeira.. (For those who don't know what it is, go and find it on Wikipedia!)

Been coming to the NUS capoeira club for about 6 sessions now.. and love every minute of it! The irony is that I only thought of trying out capoeira because I read about it in a comic before, and the club schedule happens to fit mine..

Hm.. Even though I was so excited to write about it just now, I can't seem to start anywhere now hahaha.. But the mere fact that it's all at once an art, a dance, a game, a fight... The history of the game.. The music.. The energy.. The camaraderie.. Aaaaahhh I get high just thinking about the roda haha.. Roda is the the circle of people in which 2 in the middle will play capoeira and the rest will make music.. Even watching from the side is rather addictive! (As obviously I am at the lowest level of the ladder yet ;p )

Oh well, since I can't seem to write properly now, here are some videos just to show what capoeira is all about.. The first video is a 'light' glimpse to it - a scene from Ocean's 12. The actor who played the scene, Vincent Cassel, is an actual capoeira practitioner. The second is capoeira, Angola style, which means the game is played more slowly, with more emphasis on feints and planning ahead the moves. The third one is an actual capoeira roda, regional style, where the 'fight' aspect is more emphasised and the game is much more fast-paced.

After watching the videos, I think some people's reaction will be, "Waddahell was that??" At this point allow me to say that: capoeira rox!! And I'll try to explain why in the next few blogposts =D







Capoeira não sai da minha cabeça
Capoeira não sai do coração
Capoeira quem joga é mandingueiro
Capoeira é jogo de irmão

(Capoeira won’t go out of my head
Capoeira won’t go out of my heart
Capoeira who plays is a mandingueiro
Capoeira is a game of brothers)

Some ass-kicking...

..that, honestly, I really need to hear. Got "slaughtered" by my tutor yesterday because, after a good beginning analysis and concept, I had no development. The gist of it:

"Don't talk. Design. Don't try to do so many things. Focus on the studio."

Hufh.. A well-deserved slap on the face.. I want to be so many things, that's true, but before all that.. I want to be a designer.. 1.5 years left and I can't afford to fool around.

A quote by Michael Leboeuf:

"When you write down your ideas you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools."

And some by Anthony Robbins:

" ...it is your decisions on what to focus on.. that determines your ultimate destiny.."

"One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want: we never direct our focus. We never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular."

"Goals.. are simply a tool to concentrate our focus.. direction.. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term. It's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting self-fulfillment."

Morning Inspiration..

"Les choses les plus belles sont celles que souffle la folie et qu'ecrit la raison. Il faut demeurer entre les deux, tout pres de la folie quand on reve, tout pres de la raison quand on ecrit."
- Andre Gide

*Rough translation: The most beautiful things are inspired by madness and written by reason. We must remain between the two - closer to madness when we dream, closer to reason when we write."

Kata- Kata...

Barusan baca2 lagi hasil tulisan2ku tahun lalu.. Aku sering mencatat quote2 yang aku baca di satu buku, kalau nggak ditulis di blog. Dan, aku menemukan ini, meskipun sama sekali lupa dari buku apa:

"Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan daripada berjalan bersama seseorang yang tersedia. Lebih baik menunggu orang yang tepat daripada mencomot orang di sekelilingmu untuk dijadi-jadikan cinta. Hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk dijalani bersama orang yang salah."

Kata-kata yang membuatku kembali ingin jadi orang yang bijaksana =)

More quotes...

Been talking nonsense with fellow archimates..and below are some of the results...

"Love is overrated. Just like sustainability."
-Dodo

"Never underestimate small things. Many island forests started from just mere bird shit."
- the gist of LA4202 Planting Design lesson yesterday

Do: "Ahh.. affairs.. it's a nice feeling.."
Me: "Yah rite. The main catch is not even clear, how to call it an affair.."
Do: "Eits, that's why we're architect wad.. we always stay in the grey zone..."

"Just now my tutor was telling us.. how to be a successful architect.. he says, to be a succesful architect, like TKS, gotta have many wives..."
- Dodo

*wah you realize all this nonsense is actually generated from talking to just one person.. hm..hahaha*
__
And a not-so-nonsense quote while talking with a good friend of mine:
"I had a good conversation with my cousin last night.. I enjoyed the conversation, because I could be myself, I could be real..."

It got me thinking right away, how many people can I safely say knows the REAL me? Hmmm....

Home At Last?

As usual, too much coffee since tomorrow is interim submission.. Resulting in a somewhat reflective mood haha...

Hmm.. these past 2 weeks.. I got the strange feeling that, at last, I'm settled down in Singapore.. Like, I really appreciate the way Singapore works, and I admit that the city is beautiful.. I enjoy the familiarity, the calmness, the privilege to hear multiple languages being spoken and meet so many nationalities since Singapore is a point of transit... Ironically, this renewed appreciation partly comes from my desire to get out of Singapore often and just travel.. After seeing how barren cities can be, like Manila, and how bloody freezing cold climates elsewhere can be.. How boringly one race/language most other countries are .. well, every time I'm basking under the sun surrounded by lush raintrees, I feel happy... Every time I hear the MRT announcements in 4 languages or see advertisements in various languages I appreciate them..

Another part of it is that, finally I've found a community of interesting people to hang out with (CS!) and something outside studies to be passionate about (capo!). As much as this sounds like a cliche, it's true that the people make the place haha.. Went to some hang out places I've visited so many times, but somehow they feel really different since I was with a bunch of new, exciting people.. Singapore, my epitome of everything boring and artificial, is starting to give me a very different impression..

Was doing my design work, looking out at the green expanse of grass outside studio.. and feeling content, just content.. Suddenly staying for another 3 years in this sunny little island doesn't seem so bad at all..

Hmmm.... should I be happy with this unexpected development or be bloody suspicious that the gov***m*nt has been putting some stuff to screw my brain cells in the drinking water....?

Quoteworthy...

"..my right brain has nothing left, and my left brain has nothing right.. how to do tutorials???!!"
- K.Y.M

"Drug addicts never grow old... because they die really young."
- graffiti on a wall in Manila.. saw it in a studiomate's photo

An Architectural Education

It's been quite awhile since I've analysed something other than people and emotions.. In fact, I'm getting rather fed up with those subjects.. After wasting quite some time feeling gloomy, I need something to cheer me up, and what better subject than.. Architecture!!

Landscape + Architecture.. I want both!

During the very hectic time organising the ArchiTours '09 last year, I had the chance to hear a lot of architects speak, and reflect on my own thoughts, beliefs.. I came to the conclusion that, well, 3 years of architectural education has not shown me how to be an architect, it merely made me discover what kind of Architect I want to be...