Update on Project Read-Like-Hell (RLH)

"Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find fault and discourse; but to weigh and consider." (Francis Bacon)

Arrgh, I'm behind schedule!!!! :'( Thanks to church camp, vacation, typhoid fever, friends' invitations to movies etc, n my own inability to resist the temptation that is the Net...

Newae, here are the books I've read so far:
1.Customs of Ancient Kingdoms of India - Marco Polo
2.One for the Money - Janet Evanovich
3. Surat- surat kepada Philip - Charlie W. Shedd
4. Snowfall - K.M Peyton
5. 5 Cm - Donny Dirghantoro
6. Sang Pemimpi -Andrea Hirata
7. The Great Divorce -C.S Lewis
8. The Four Loves - C.S Lewis
9. Can A Guy Get Pregnant? Scientific Answers to Everyday (and Not So Everyday) Questions - Rich n Bill Sones
10. D'Bijis - Adhitya Mulya
11. Choosing God's Best - Don Raunikar
12. Discipline -Ellisabeth Elliot
13. Passion and Purity - Ellisabeth Elliot
14. The Effective Student: A Guide to Learning for The NUS Student (ok, i ws curious and felt I had lots of time..)

Am halfway through these books:
1.The Question of God: C.S Lewis and Sigmund Freud debate God, Love, Sex and the Meaning of Life - Armand M. Nicholi Jr.
2.The World is Flat - Thomas L. Friedman
3.Jesus in Beijing - Aikman

(Bad habit of mine: I always read several books at one go, since actually my concentration span is too short to stick to one book. Then, in the middle of reading these books I'll get distracted by even more books...so I never know when actually I'll finish the books..)

On top of those, I read 4 New Scientist magazines (I usually read science magazines as a "break" in between reading books. Fun! cuz the articles are short n usually interesting.) and 60 over comic books...No I'm not kidding...it was mainly in my cousin's house in Jakarta - he had tons of comics - and at the beginning of my typhoid fever days..I was so frustrated at having to stay at home that I didn't feel like reading anything intellectually heavier than comics...(oh n I admit that I also read 8 teen-lit novels...so mushy!!!! gah..again, it's because I wasn't in the mood for proper books...)

Of course, comics and novels aren't counted as books, so yeah, I'm below target. In a reading diet, those are counted as "junk food" , since they contribute nothing to the expansion of the mind, and I'm not even entertained reading them... (Why did I read them again...?)

Well, read something that rings true for me: "The man who doesn't read has no advantage over the man who can't read." (Forgot who said it though..)

Typhoid Fever

(Post dedicated to my AWESOME, AWESOME mom who basically took care of everything so efficiently so I could concentrate on having quality bed-rest...Mom, u're the best! )

Juz came back from Indonesia - Jakarta and Bandung. Had a GREAT time! Well, but for now I'll focus on the tale of typhoid fever (or what's commonly called "tipes" in indon) and I.

Was in Indonesia for about one week (juz came back yesterday), and on my 2nd last night in Jakarta (staying in a relative's house), my stomach seemed to acquire a mind of its own.. u know the feeling when u juz have to vomit whatever's in ur stomach cuz it's contracting like hell? Well I had that, and worse...I ran to the bathroom and vomitted whatever's inside of me,n after 3 separate vomitting incidents I thought "Ok that's it. Stomach empty now. Curse the restaurant serving whatever food causes this n go back to sleep."

But Stomach wasn't about to let me do that. I vomited WATER for about 4-5 times (This is rounding down) during the night, which kinda freaked out my mom who was sleeping in the same room. She thought it was food poisoning though, not surprising in Indonesia. I managed to lie down, n realised I had slight fever. Made a mental note never again to eat at the tomato noodle (which was the last meal I had before this vomitting episode.)

Next morning, my mom insisted we go to the hospital, though I -with my youthful pride and usual heck-care attitude- said tt it wasnt necessary, tt I'd be ok by evening. (cuz a somewhat similar vomitting accident happened once when I was alone at home n I juz slept through the day as a cure.) Moral of the story: Mom DOES know best..they have motherly instincts for things like these.

OK,so we went to the hospital. That's when the doctor said tt very likely I have typhoid fever, and tt it's a very common disease infecting returning Indonesians who've spent more than 3- 5 years abroad. Was ordered to have a blood and urine test done to determine if I really have typhoid.

Went to lab to have blood test. No prob, truth is I'm rather fascinated by blood tests. Next, urine test. Drank a bottle of mineral water, waited half an hour, went to the restroom..n produced several drops of urine...
"uh, nurse, is this enough?"
"NO of course not! drink some more and wait."
Drank another bottle of mineral water, waited for another half an hour, went to the restroom,several more drops..
"Uh nurse, how about this much?"
"It's way too little!"
#@$#&^*&8" (was cursing myself for this anomaly, cuz usually I go to the restroom quite often, especially in a cold place)
Then it dawned on me tt I could've vomitted too much fluid the previous night tt my body's simply using up all the fluid to replace it... Fascinating thought from a biological viewpoint, grave disadvantage in my situation..
So I simply drank some more, waited some more, and for the third time asked the nurse "Uhm...like this?"
"hm...ok, a little,but it will have to do.."
Well I'm not sure she gives mark for effort, but I'm juz glad to get it done...

In the evening, lab test out, I'm tested positive for typhoid. Went back to the doctor who explained graphically what the typhoid fever can do to me, namely: intestinal perforation, which will kill people by internal bleeding. That's for the acute stage though.

Next day..lying in bed the whole morning (flight to Batam a 4pm, then from there by boa to Sg)...it's true that typhoid makes u lethargic. To make matters worse, another symptom appears : diarrhoea (irritating to spell, even more irritating to experience..) Did some research on the net on typhoid,n what did I found? The mode of transmission is oral-fecal. Which means, someone who's a typhoid carrier must have passed motion (*shitted*), used the same contaminated hand to prepare food, n I ate the food prepared by those hands...

Not the most appetising of thoughts.....

Well, there are other modes of infection too, e.g. flies walking on faeces then walking on food, ice cubes made wih contaminated water, etc..basically all involving excrements.

Hufh...

I consider myself really lucky though, cuz I managed the return journey to Singapore with nothing more than grumbling stomach (from the diarrhoea), and today my appetite is back! yay! Looks like I have a really mild form of the disease. Still must continue to eat soft, non-oily food, but at least I do like tofu and porridge.

For those usually hygienic ppl that wants to visit Indonesia, please ask for typhoid fever vaccination first. Do some research about it on the net, cuz Indonesia's reportedly quite colonised by the typhoid fever bacteria, Salmonella typhii. Oh, Indonesia....

Announcement cum Clarification

"Love cannot be created or destroyed but can only be changed from one form to another."
(Heard it from someone who heard it from someone)

A friend of mine recently asked me: "What's wrong with your blog topics and msn nicks nowadays dude??"
"Huh? Wad's wrong with them?"
"Well, why are they about...you know...love.......hm...?"
"......"

Which, of course, made me wonder, "Did I sound THAT desperate?"
Which, of course, is a cause for alarm for any self-respecting individual.
Which explains the need for this announcement cum clarification.

First things first: No, I'm NOT a desperate, nerdy, forlorn, asocial archi student looking for love. I believe that God holds my love life in His hands, and hence I don't have to worry at all about it. Right, so that's settled.

I guess my friend's question stems from the general impression that I give to the inexperienced observer: that of a happy-go-lucky tomboy who only thinks about science and architecture. (and lame jokes, and pulling pranks on ppl) I don't believe in dating, but that doesnt mean I don't believe in and think about love. (Since when does "love" becomes synonimous with dating and BGR, anyway?) True love between two ppl,no matter what their relation - love that "suffers long, is kind, does not envy, does not boast, does not parade itself, is not puffed up..." - is a beautiful thing to write about, regardless of whether I'm accused of being "in love" , "out of love", "looking for love", etc etc. It's a fascinating thing to be analysed by restless minds like mine.

I'll have to explain the way I write. I am a keen observer of the world and the ppl around me, and my writings come out from questions ppl ask me, what happens to ppl close to me, and conversations I have with several fellow thinkers I'm lucky to be friends with.

So if I write about vegetarianism it's becuz ppl started asking me why I became vegetarian. If I write about love? Well well...these past few weeks some of my friends are involved in various situations also involving "love". Which kinda makes me analyse a lot about the way ppl relate to one another and differing definitions of what ppl call "love".

Truly, being a thinker and observer makes your world never boring. (Yup, even if u're stuck in a sunny little island called singapore!)

Peranan Gombal Dalam Masyarakat

(For the benefit of those kaypoh Malaysians tt insist on reading Indonesian posts, "gombal" more or less means flirting.)

Salah satu pertanyaan yg anehnya beberapa kali ditanyakan tmn2ku ke aku adalah "Shiel, menurut kamu apa sih bedanya gombal dan romantis?" Enggak tau jg kenapa tanyanya ke aku, ataukah pertanyaan itu emg populer?

Menurutku jawabnya sih gampang: perbedaan kata2 gombal dan kata2 romantis terletak pada org yg mengucapkannya. Kalau diucapkan org yg disukai, kata2 sejayus (jayus = lame, again for the benefit of Malaysians) : "engkaulah gaya gravitasi yang menjejakkan kakiku ke bumi" pun kederangan romantis abis (ibarat kata, "tai kucing serasa coklat") .Diucapkan oleh org yg tidak diharapkan atau tidak dianggap, kata2 sepuitis apa jg akan dianggap gombal.

Nah, gombal itu, menurut seorg senior, dibagi lagi menjadi "gombal tulus" (sincere flirting...tp kok begitu menulis ini aku merasa rada oxymoron yah..) dan "gombal manipulasi" (manipulative flirting). Definisinya terserah anda sebtlnya, krn istilah2 ini blm dipatenkan. Tp menurutku, gombal tulus tuh kl kita emg bnr2 sayang sm seseorg,n menyampaikan perasaan itu dgn kata2 manis. Sedangkan gombal manipulasi tuh memakai kata2 manis utk "mengetes" perasaan org lain, atau "memancing" reaksi dr org lain, tanpa memastikan dulu baik2 perasaan dan niat kita sendiri, (i.e. "gombal dulu lah, ntar kalo tu cewek nyambut baru gw bakal memantapkan diri utk suka dia" )atau lebih parah lagi tanpa pake perasaan tp sekedar ngomong buat have fun doang.

Makanya terjadi percakapan2 seperti ini:
cewek: "Loh, aku kira selama ini kamu suka sama aku... buktinya, perkataanmu itu..."
cowok: "Lah,aku tuh cuma bercanda doang, kamu aja yg nganggapnya serius.."
*sang cewek yg ternyata kepala preman memanggil anak buahnya dari balik semak2*
*WHACK!* *KAPOW!* *BAM!*
(Bukannya feminis ya, cuma menurutku seringnya terjadi seperti ini. Kalau ada protes atau keluhan, harap layangkan ke...eh..ya silakan cari tau alamat saya deh..)

Intinya, kadang2 gombal yg kita keluarkan tuh besar efeknya pada org lain padahal enggak kita anggap apa2, jadinya malah mengacaukan pikiran org. Aku sendiri termasuk bersalah dlm hal ini, krn aku cukup berbakat ngegombal jg,seringkali cuma buat have fun doang (ditambah kepribadian yg kurang tau malu...ya...gitu deh...). Sekarang sedang berusaha utk menjaga mulut supaya enggak terkesan terlalu friendly n disangka ada "maksud lain". (duh SUSAH!)

TAPI, menurut hasil diskusi dgn tmn2 cowokku, sampai batas tertentu gombal itu perlu. Masalahnya, saat kenalan atau mau nembak cewek, seorang cowok itu mempertaruhkan lebih dari 80% harga dirinya. (statistik tidak dapat dipertanggung jawabkan. jgn tanya saya) Nah, gombal adalah salah satu cara utk meminimalkan "kerusakan ego", krn, seperti yg kita semua ketahui, "ego" cowok seringkali kayak balon gas, gede tapi rapuh. (...mampus ntar bakal dicegat kroni2ku nih..becanda deh, becanda doang...)

Hm...gak bisa menyalahkan jg sih, krn kaum cewek jg punya kesalahan. Mengutip buku "Jomblo", "wanita belum tentu menyukai org yg menyukainya, tetapi biasanya wanita menyukai kenyataan bahwa mereka disukai." Jadi, sebtlnya tuh cewek enggak suka si cowok, tp pas dipuji2 ya dia tersanjung jg n merasa senang (Atau jg, gak mau melukai perasaan si cowok, jadi gak menolak), jadinya si cowok merasa dapat angin. Sampai akhirnya sang cowok menyatakan perasaan dan sang cewek ngebales dgn "Sebaiknya kita berteman aja yah..." Maka *BRAAKK!* hancurlah berkeping2 itu ego...

Pendapatku pribadi? Aku enggak suka cowok yg mengetes perasaanku dgn menggombal, krn dalam pikiranku gombal selalu identik dgn manipulasi. Juga pengecut (krn harus ngetes dulu baru berani naksir..hm..tapi apa emg harus gitu ya?) dan egois (krn kebykn gombal itu fokusnya utk menyenangkan diri sendiri) Newae, palingan juga aku ngegombalnya lebih jago..hehehe.... Bagaimana membedakan gombal dgn bercanda? Gombal adalah bercanda yg tidak bisa dipertanggung jawabkan.

Well, tapi sebelum itu, aku harus belajar utk berhenti menggombal...

Cinta dan Komitmen

"...saya sendiri tidak pernah punya hubungan serius."
"Maksud kamu...tidak sempat?"
"Tepat! Itu faktor utama!" Re tergelak.
"Separah itukah?"
Tawanya menghilang seketika. "Sepatutnyakah itu disebut parah?" Re bertanya sungguh-sungguh.

"Bukannya gitu? Dengan pekerjaan yang rawan stres, masa kamu tidak ingin punya seseorang yang bisa bikin kamu nyaman? Seseorang yang bisa memasakkan kamu makan malam, diajak ke bioskop, jalan-jalan, shopping..."

"Sebentar, sebentar," potong Re, "satu-satu dulu: pertama, saya tidak suka shopping. Untuk jalan-jalan atau nonton saya punya beberapa sahabat yang bisa diajak pergi. Saya punya pembantu di rumah yang jago masak, well, saya sendiri lebih sering makan di luar. Dan saya pikir saya punya kemampuan independen untuk menciptakan rasa nyaman...tapi, TAPI, kalau ternyata ada satu orang yang bisa menjalankan semua fungsi itu sekaligus, hmm, boleh juga." Ia tersenyum. "Itukah alasan kamu menikah Rana, karena menemukan paket all-in-one?"

"Kira-kira...iya." Nada bicaranya semakin mirip balon gas lepas. Mengapung tanpa arah.
"Tapi, tidak seperti yang kamu bayangkan?"
Rana menghela napas. "Banyak sisi yang ikut muncul, sisi yang sebenarnya pasti ada, tapi tidak pernah diharapakan. Nah, di sanalah gunanya komitmen."
"Komitmen memang alasan paling bagus untuk berkompensasi."
Rana benar-benar tidak suka pembicaraan ini.

"Mungkin itu salah satu alasan kenapa saya tidak pernah mau serius berkomitmen. Kompromi di pekerjaan bisa dihitung harganya. Tapi untuk urusan hati, saya pikir siapa pun setuju, harganya tidak ternilai," ujar Re dengan ringannya.

"Cinta kan butuh pengorbanan, " tukas Rana pelan.
"Lalu idiot mana yang menulis: love shall set you free ?! Tadinya saya pikir, cinta seharusnya adalah tiket menuju kebebasan, bukan pengorbanan. Agaknya konsep itu terlalu utopis, ya?"

Lama mereka berdua terdiam. Terlalu lama, sehingga menyiratkan segalanya.
______

Tadi sempat baca2 ulang novel kesukaanku ini (ok kenapa aku suka bgt baca Supernova, krn isinya tuh byk bgt yg bisa digali..hahaha...tp lebih keren Alkitab kok ;p ), n jadinya mikirin percakapan antara dua tokoh utamanya ini. Aku pernah baca kalimat yg sangat indah, "You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without." Tp apakah itu cuma sekedar kalimat indah yg utopis dan terlalu muluk buat dipraktekkan? Kalau kita berangkat dari konsep bahwa nggak ada manusia yg sempurna, jelas komitmen itu dibutuhkan untuk menerima kelemahan2 orang lain. Tapi, mungkin nggak ya menemukan org yg bahkan kelemahannya pun justru menambah perasaan sayang kita? (jwbn: mungkin. Dan itulah hebatnya)

well, newae, sbg orang yg praktis aku terima bahwa komitmen lebih penting daripada cinta. Itu makanya jaman gadis dipingit dan anak2 dijodohin dulu, dunia enggak lebih kacau daripada sekarang, dimana konsep "menikah karena cinta" diagung-agungkan. Hm.. apakah komitmen berarti "menurunkan standar" kita?

Cinta yang butuh pengorbanan... tidak masalah buatku apakah "cinta" itu nantinya menuntun pada kebebasan atau pengorbanan, asal dia yg dibebaskan atau berkorban itu merasa bahagia. Toh itu yg semua orang kejar, kebahagiaan. Kalau emg dgn berkorban seorang pencinta lebih bahagia, ya sudah. Meskipun barangkali itu perbuatan paling bodoh yang pernah dia lakukan seumur hidupnya.

Why am I a vegetarian?

One of the question ppl often ask me is "So why are you a vegetarian?" (Other questions include: "How can anyone love books that much?", "Why are u so lame?" and "When will u get a boyfriend?" For the last question, 90% of the time it comes from my mom. But let's save those questions for other posts.)

Been a vegetarian for about 7 years now - I remember it cuz I became a vegetarian nearing my birthday - and truly, I can't think of me not being a vegetarian, of ever converting back to the way of the majority - omnivorism with a dash of McDonaldism. (My mom did hope that this was "just a stage", but she gave that up several years ago. Well, I am a strong-willed child, after all.)

So why did I become a vegetarian? Contrary to popular belief, it's not because my pet gold fish drowned when I was small, leaving in me a deep psychological scar. Part of the reason is that I think vegetarianism is healthier. (which is why I don't like chinese vegetarian food, laden with oil n seasonings) Another reason is that I'm convinced my vegetarianism is my own little contribution to making the world a better place. It takes much less resources to feed a vegetarian, and the environmental impacts concurred in the process are also much less fatal. Consider this:

1. In terms of resource use, it takes 8 kg of grain to produce 0.5 kg of beef, but 0.5 kg of grain to produce 0.5 kg of bread. If u remember ur energy pyramid, u'll notice that only 10% of energy is transferred to the next level. All tt stuff about energy efficiency when u'r a primary consumer is real-life stuff, my friend.

2. Accordingly, much more land is required to feed a meat eater than a vegetarian. And most of the land cleared for farming comes from forests cleared by slash-and-burn. That includes land from the threatened Amazon rainforest, by the way.

3.If ppl in America reduce their meat consumption by 10%, enough grain would be saved o feed 60 MILLION PEOPLE. So yeah, I kinda become a vegetarian as a way to reduce my guilt over starving ppl in Africa.

But there's one primary reason behind my decision to be a vegetarian: I love animals too much to eat them. Simple as that. I can't stand the sheer hypocrisy of saying "Awww, that chick is so cute!" and then having fried chicken for lunch. Can't stand restaurant/food advertisements using cute-ified cows/chickens (like KFC's chicken) cuz the reality is not cute at all. I mean, how can u use an image of a plump, laughing chicken to promote chickens bred for profi in appalling conditions, slaughtered inhumanely juz to preserve the best taste? (Oh yes, there are ways. Horribly horrible ways) Can't stand the thought of factory farming either. (Google the term n u'll soon find out that humans breed and slaughter their feed using the cruelest of methods. Some pppl have the cheek to say "Well, I'm not technically the one that does the job, am I?" Think demand-and-supply, friend.) I read books and saw images on factory farming and slaughtering 7 years ago, and decided that I'll be vegetarian right away. Stopped eating meat and anything with eyes without any "transition stage". I just totally stopped eating meat one day, n that's it.

Having said all that, I don't think that as a vegetarian I'm standing on a moral high-ground, having the right to view non-veg with smug pride and disdain. For me,the feeling is no more than facing a junction with another person,and then I chose to turn left while he chose to turn right. No point being so smug about choosing one way over another.

The shit about humans being created to "have dominion" over all the earth and of protein malnutrition? Ask me directly if u wanna know my opinion, I'll galdly spare some time explaining why I call them shit. (ok the protein stuff might have some grain of truth, seeing as I'm verically challenged..but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Love needs sacrifices, anyway.)

Hufh..there were days when I wanted to do anything possible to save those animals from a fate worse that death .(Namely, being killed merely for another creature's tastebuds.) No, I don't dream of having my photo in some spandex costume splashed on the front page,"The ANIMAL ACTIVIST Strikes Again!!",but I did try to tell ppl about vegetarianism. Nowadays though, I eat my broccoli and carrot quietly. Enough if I can get ppl to eat meat with gratitude, since, however they wanna view it, another living thing died so that they may live, and live with pleasure.

Love- Kahlil Gibran

One of my fave poems - it's beautiful and wise at the same time.

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Chemistry 101

Was ransacking my JC stuff (found photos, notes n cards from my 08/04 days :'( miss them! )
Newae, this is a lame writing I did when I was deep into chemistry..hahaha... u could juz sense how much I was paying attention to each lessons ;p

Chemistry 101

Wishing I'm a pair of goggles in the chemistry lab
Standing guard over those lovely eyes of yours
Be mine, o sweet smelling ester!
You're my activation energy, my catalyst
The NaCl in my oh-so-bland world

Don't encrust your heart with an oxide layer
I promise to be ever so tender
It's not mere H-bonds I want to establish
Come! Let us covalently embrace!
Share with me the electrons of sorrow and joy
Together not even oxidative cleavage can separate us

If I were a metal, you would be
My oxidation number - my one and only one
Unlike Manganese, with its many transition states
Forever changing ligands, that unfaithful Manganese!

Certainly I would not be a free electron
Wandering from cation to cation
For you - you alone!
The oxygen for my haemoglobin!

Ah, still you deny the chemistry between us?
Let this alkaline love neutralise your acidic soul
And feel that exothermic passion rising up
Answer me, my love, before I combust
'Cause the mere sight of you prove ever too much
For my poor,
Little,
Chemiosmotically driven heart

__

There! It's a good way to revise chemistry, no? ;p