Project "Read-Like-Hell"

Well, the title about says it all...during the semester I read mostly on Architecture and had my reading diet supplemented with very little non-archi stuff. So yeah, since the holidays are here.. it's time for revenge!! Muahahahahahah!!!
I name it "Project Read-Like-Hell", which is basically using my every waking moment when I'm not playing piano/playing guitar/strolling in nature reserve/studying some plant/drawing/ogling at buildings/exploring remote parts of singapore to read. Based on rough calculations,given 3 mths holiday, I should be able to finish anywhere between 50 - 60 books of varying thickness and "chim-ness" (chim = profound).

The project has already started..finished "The Customs of Ancient Kingdoms of India" by Marco Polo (Penguin the publisher has this cool series "Around the World in Twenty Books" which is abt adventure. Check it out!), and "One for the money" by Janet Evanovich (funny detective novel).

Currently reading "The World is Flat" and "Jesus in Beijing". Will update every 1 or 2 weeks on books i've read,I guess. Do recommend me books u think are must-reads!

Hidup itu utk apa? (What's life for? Nothing depressing,juz philosophical ;p)

(Ditulis utk seorg teman yg dalam 2 minggu bikin otakku kewalahan krn kebykan mikir, dan mengingat2.)

Yah, berhubung selesai exam jadinya otakku bisa diarahkan utk mikir yg berat2 dikit..hahaha.. baru2 ini tmnku ada yg nanya "eh, sebenarnya kamu pernah gak sih berpikir hidup itu untuk apa?"
Sbg org yg hobinya adalah mikir, yah jelas aku pernah mikir itu, kl g slh pas aku smp... gara2 pertanyaan tmnku itu aku jadi meninjau ulang gmn pendapatku terhadap "HIDUP" berubah seiring tambah byk yg aku ketahui.

kl dulu sih, aku senang aja HIDUP, gak mikir tujuannya (ya otomatis krn aku senang,jadi gak mikir. org kalo dikasih kado kan gak nanya2 "loh kenapa aku dikasih kado?" kl nanya2 gitu sih, ambil aja lagi kadonya!)

bisa diblg yg memacu aku utk HIDUP itu rasa ingin tahu ku - ingin tahu apa2 yg terjadi di alam, knp ada hujan, ada pelangi,ada gempa, ada tanaman, knp ini hijau dan itu merah, ini panas dan itu dingin (... yah, sementara buat sebagian org HIDUP itu cuma bertahan utk tidak MATI, aku menghargai HIDUP krn buatku itu adalah satu kesempatan utk "membaca" dunia ini. (emg rasa ingin tau ini sampe skrg adalah yg menyelamatkan aku dari rasa bosan..mknya aku selalu berharap di surga ada perpustakaan super gede,n Yesus ngasih aku kerjaan di perpus itu. ngelap2 lemari bukuny jg gpp deh...satu hari di perpus surgawi,lebih baik daripada seribu hari di tempat lain...)

Di salah satu buku favoritku, novel "Supernova" karangan Dee, ditulis begini:
"cinta adalah mengalami," ulang Dhimas lebih mantap. "Bukankah itu inti semuanya? Mengapa ada hidup, mengapa kita mati, mengapa kita jatuh cinta, berkeluarga, beranak-pinak, mengapa ada ini dan itu... semuanya adalah pengalaman. Ingin mengalami adalah hasrat yang paling dasar."
Sejenak keduanya membisu. Terbungkus momen yang tak terkatakan.
Perlahan Dhimas berkata, "Sesuatu yang agung dan substansial ingin mengalami, dan jadilah ini semua. Ia mengalami melalui kita, Ruben."

Aku setuju kl diblg bhw HIDUP itu ingin mengalami. Manusia bertahan hidup krn ingin mengalami satu detik lagi, satu menit lagi, satu jam lagi, satu tahun lagi. Sebaliknya, orang2 yg HIDUPnya penuh pengalaman2 buruk jadinya ingin MATI, krn mereka enggak pingin MENGALAMI lagi.

Setelah aku bertemu Tuhan, aku tidak lagi HIDUP, tapi aku HIDUP! krn HIDUP yang tadinya hanya suatu kesenangan, skrg jadi punya tujuan. Krn pertanyaan2 ku skrg jadi punya jawaban. (sebaliknya muncul pertanyaan2 baru, tp aku yakin Dia akan menjawabnya saat nanti kami bertemu.) Krn dari mengagumi Alam, skrg aku bisa mengagumi sang Pencipta Alam. Kalau tadinya aku ingin tahu ttg apa saja selain manusia (maklum asalnya aku org asosial..), skrg aku terpesona melihat gimana Tuhan bisa bekerja lewat kebetulan2, yg seharusnya disebut keajaiban, sehingga dunia ini bergerak terus maju dan punya jalan cerita. Aku nggak habis pikir - dunia yg isinya miliaran manusia, dan Tuhan menempatkan mereka semua seperti potongan jigsaw puzzle, tiap manusia (dari yg miliaran itu loh!) punya tempat sendiri, perencanaan sendiri. Kalau aku HIDUP cuma utk terus menyaksikan gmn Tuhan bekerja,baik dlm hidupku atau hidup org lain, utk makin kenal Dia dan makin mengagumi Dia,itu saja aku udah cukup puas krn aku HIDUP.

Di sisi lain, mungkin ada juga org yg HIDUP karena merasa TIDAK BOLEH MATI. Krn bunuh diri itu dosa. Krn takut mati. Krn terlalu byk rantai tanggung jawab yg mengikat mereka ke dunia ini, sehingga HIDUP dijalani seperti masa hukuman. Rasa ingin tahuku membuat aku penasaran kenapa org bisa mikir seperti itu, situasi apa yg menyebabkan mereka begitu (Ya tp aku takut kualat terus sikap optimis dan kemampuanku utk melihat dunia dari mata seorang anak kecil diambil Tuhan, trus aku bkl bersikap seperti itu..ugh..)

HIDUP ya...semoga aku selalu bisa menganggap HIDUP itu karunia terindah yg Tuhan berikan. HIDUP adalah kesempatan.

AR1326: Architectural Construction

..........

Had my construction exam this morning....well...a friend just asked me, "Is it exciting?" The answer, in all honesty, is:" Absolutely!" I mean, this is the first exam in my life where I'm not supposed to calculate (Accursed maths days in JC...about the only thing keeping me going is Miss Tan..miss her...), or vomit memorised stuff (it's open book), or compose essays,or anything normally done during exams. I'm supposed to juz DRAW. It's like being asked to eat chocolates for examination.
The catch? Designing and architectural drawing is not that easy and I so wish I'm much better at it than I am now. Ufh, I wonder why I should do so well on subjects I treat only as stepping stones (basically everything I took till now, except Biology), but can't do as well as I want to on something I so care about. Curiosity? check. Willingness to learn? check. Passion? check. (Granted, cannot be compared to what some other ppl possess, but if u ask me if I'm passionate about archi, I can hold my head high and answer yes.) Mental stamina? check. Talent in construction and architecture? Uhm....
(Granted, results are not out yet,but gut feeling.....)

Hufh, which one is better : to succeed at something you do for necessity, or to fail at something you love? I remember what Blaise Pascal said about the paradox of lust: "A man can be overwhelmed with desire for a woman, believing that only with her he will be happy, and that he will destroy his career, his family, his reputation, and everything else that brings happiness, in order to get her."
Was I just lusting after Architecture when I put it as First Choice in my course application form?

Too early to get down n get out, though,to resign myself to the fact that I'm mediocre in a field littered with corpses of mediocrity. There's a tiny litle flicker of hope in me, and we know that hope is one of the hardest things to kill in this world (another thing would be cockroaches, but I digress.) Here's to hoping that one day I will deserve to be called an Architect, whatever sacrifice that entails.

Just for the reader's pleasure, here's some questions from the exam paper. One question is supposed to be done in abt 35 mins.

1.Construction requires technical imagination to realize all architectural design intent. Poetics of construction will enhance our delightful experience of the architecture.
Choose a building you are familiar with and explain why you think the construction of its structure, envelope and other building elements have realized the design intention of the building. Support your answer with annotate sketches.

2. Fig 1 (will upload the photo after exam...) shows an RC (reinforced concrete) chalet on a gentle slope. A timber deck is proposed to extend the living space into the open.
Design and draw to appropriate scale the following with key dimensions and annotations:
a. A framing plan showing the columns, beams, or joists. Show the sizes of timber you intend to use.
b. A section XX showing the various connection details. Include your timber railing design. You need not show the door and roof of the chalet.

3.Design a stair with the guidelines as follows:
-ONE timber stringer
-single straight flight
-open riser
-steel railings with timber handrail
-overall clear width of stairs 1.2 m
-safety requirements in compliance with BCA
Design and draw in appropriate scale the following with annotations and key dimensions. You can integrate your answers in one conprehensive diagram.
a. longitudinal section of the proposed staircase showing appropriate no of treads, stringer, and railing (all these r stair terminology..)
b. connection details of stringer with the two different levels
c.connection details of railings and treads with various supports

Interested to take AR1326? ;p

perang otak dan hati

aku bertanya pada hati
,"betul kamu ingin mencinta?"
"iya, iya.muak aku dengan sepi
aku inginkan dia."

pada otak aku berkata,
"siapkah kamu berbagi hidup?"
"tidak, tidak.
sekarang aku belum sanggup."

"kamu terlalu rumit!"
"kamu terlalu bodoh"
"kamu terlalu kukuh!"
"dan kamu, terlalu lemah."

"aku benci dengan sendiri"
"sendiri itu kawan lama"
"sering aku bertanya-tanya"
"jawabannya bukan cinta."

"aku minta, aku mau, aku ingin!"
"tugasku untuk mendiamkanmu!"
"rasa yang dipendam akan mencabikmu"
"logika yang diacuhkan akan menjerumuskanmu."

"dengan kerinduan akan kubakar engkau"
"dengan kesunyian kubekukan engkau"
"dengan sayapku kurengkuh engkau"
"kupatahkan sayap itu tanpa ragu."

"kata-kata manis akan meluluhkanmu"
"argumen-argumen akan menundukkanmu"
"setiap detikmu akan kacau karenaku"
"setiap detik pula aku akan bertahan."

dua suara
satu diri
terjebak lagi
perang otak dan hati.

___

guess which one is "hati" and which is "otak" ;p a general feeling of jiwang-ness (blame the Malaysians for weird vocab! "jiwang" means "rather sad / depressed" ,as far as i know ;p ) has descended upon me, thanx to one week of full-steam revision. Not to mention the sweet, melancholy rhythm of drizzle outside my window...hence the outburst of poetry at a very wrong time...haih.... jiwang, jiwang, go away, come again another day! (man, it's such a good word to use! "jiwang"..hehehe...) must ask sp whether indons can join the anti-jiwang society...

virginia tech shooting...

Of course there's the gun control issues. Of course there's the weak-politicians-lousy-system debate. Of course there's the "will there be backlash against Asians?" question. Me being me, though, the one thing that arouses my curiosity from the V-Tech incident is: "what went through the killer's mind when he shot the people? what even made him do that?"

Read in the newspaper that the shooter is indeed a "disturbed" person. He handed in a piece of paper with a question mark when he was asked to write his name. He reportedly stalked some girls. He liked to write plays and poems on death and violence. (Which makes me think. I often write poems on death, too, fascinated by the final closing of the curtains that everyone - from beggar to president, from Gandhi to Hitler - would have to go through. Am I disturbed? Hmm...)

What struck me in the article was this sentence: "No one understands him." Is that true? He is alone in this world, then. Did he want to share his life with anyone? Was anyone even capable of understanding him?

Questions. My specialty. Can't answer any of them, though. But this I know, to have just one person who truly understands you - be he friend or enemy - qualifies you as very fortunate indeed. It gives you so much - a sense of belonging, acceptance, joy, relief, even more faith in humanity-in-general. No wonder people go to great lengths to find one, and commit great vices when they have no one.

The Mystery of Human Actions

Well, for a post titled so profoundly, this is gonna be a simple one. I went to eat at Bugis food court 2 days ago (en route to heaven-on-earth, the National Library). Was in the midst of eating my soba when a Malay Indonesian lady sat on an empty chair on the same table and started chatting away in Indonesian. Now, in her arms was a totally cute little toddler, n one of my weaknesses it that I cant spot cute little toddlers without trying to grab their attention, either by grinning, waving, whistling, generally making a fool of myself in the hope of looking cool in the eyes of the toddler ;p
When the lady finished talking, she babytalked her son: "Ni yao shen me? aiyah, Nicholas, bla-bla-bla (some more word in Chinese)" which totally took me off guard, cuz...well...since when does Malay Indonesians speak Mandarin (not prejudiced here, it's juz the fact as far as I know). Before I could rein in the shock, she turned to a Singaporean uncle standing beside her n spoke IN HOKKIEN about ordering food etc. My mind immediately assessed the situation: "Oh, a Sg chee ku pek (old lecher - om2 kegatelan; segera aku memandang penuh hina krn aku benci cikupek) with someone else's maid. (Cuz the uncle didnt even look that well off to have a maid of his own.)

Now, another weakness of mine is that if I think I've spotted someone with an interesting personality, or who is in an intriguing situation, I'll just have to get to know that person, at least have a bit of small talk. (Call me "kaypoh", I call this habit of mine " celebrating differences and trying to understand humanity" ). Because of this habit, I've gotten to know people in the bus,in the bus stop, over the net, in the middle of the road, in the MRT, on the plane,etc. Gotten to know all kinds of ppl, too. (More on tt another post).

So newae, when the lady sat down to eat her food, I used the classic opening line if someone from Indonesia meet another Indonesian in Singapore: "Dari Indonesia ya?" ("Are you from Indonesia?") From there, we chatted, and I learn once again not to judge a book by its cover.
Turns out, she's from Yogyakarta, she's been married to the guy for 8 years, and the toddler is their first child (He's 8 mths old). And then she said,"My husband's got cancer. He's been thru a lot of operations."

..... I took another look at the uncle, and true enough, there were scars all over his neck, and that was why he could not really speak properly. I made a mental forgiveness at the uncle and the lady...and then chatted some more and said good bye.

All the way to the library I was thinking though, it would've taken a lot of sacrifice and dedication to live the way she lives - married to a husband who has cancer, speaks different languages, is of a different nationality, race and religion, not to mention the age gap. What made her stay with him,at least those years before they were given a child? Love? If it is, then I must have witnessed such great love, and from a couple that I previously thought nothing of, too. Money? Lucky indeed is the man that has only to pay in cash for such dedication and family life. (He was really loving towards his little son, too.) Others would've been willing to pay a much greater price. Promise of a better life, the kind of promise that lures Chinese and Vietnamese"mail-order-brides" to Sg? Could be, but why such a sacrifice -if she indeed views it as sacrifice?

Ufh, the mistery of what humans do and why they do what they do.....

-

manusia
kuat karena cinta
lemah karena cinta
berjuang untuk cinta
menyerah demi cinta

tertawa karena cinta
menangis untuk cinta
ingin hidup begitu kenal cinta
rela mati asal objek cintanya bahagia

terjaga oleh cinta
sadar atas keindahan dunia
lelap dibuai cinta
buta akan segala akibatnya

terbang bersama cinta
tenggelam dalam cinta
bermain dengan cinta, dan
dipermainkannya

diselamatkan cinta
dibodohi cinta juga
waktu boleh terhenti untuk cinta
dunia enggan berputar
semua demi satu kata:

cinta.
---

sempat2nya aku nulis puisi cengeng begini menjelang ujian...huhuhu..memang otakku jago dapet ilham di saat2 yg salah.. yah, tapi memang cinta itu setauku hal yg mengagumkan (sepanjang pengetahuanku yg sangat minim, pokoknya).
bayangkan aja, cinta itu katanya sanggup mengubah engineer menjadi pujangga, padahal kan susah banget tuh,minta ampun deh. *pandangan biased anak archi yg pernah menghadiri lecture engineering*

huah...saatnya kembali belajar..bisa2nya memikirkan satu konsep abstrak bernama "cinta" (sebetulnya definisinya itu apa sih?) pas lagi belajar Environmental Science in Building... (???)

Masalah Pria dan Wanita..

Beberapa waktu lalu (udah sebulan gt deh) baca artikel ttg skandal Paul Wolfowitz, presiden World Bank, yg dipecat gara2 ketauan "nepotisme" sama pacarnya, Shaha Riza - kasih kenaikan gaji gak wajar, promosi dll. Yg kemudian membuatku mikir : "Emang sih wanita dibilang mahluk yg lebih lemah,the weaker sex, tp ternyata dampak wanita tuh lumayan juga. Ada ungkapan, Behind every successful man there is a woman, dan nyata2, seringkali behind every unsuccesful man there is a woman juga." Rasanya ini sih nggak perlu diperdebatkan deh. Utk setiap Samson, ada Delilah. utk raja Daud, ada Bersheba. Utk Israel, ada wanita2 Midian. Utk Marc Antony, ada Cleopatra. Utk Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky. Utk Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles. Utk pejabat2 Indonesia, ada penyanyi2 dangdut Indonesia. Dan masih byk lagi kisah pria2 sukses, ternama, dan bahkan terhormat kesandung affairs. (Jelas, menurutku sih yg salah bukan wanitanya, tp prianya yg gak bisa menahan diri.) Jadi logikanya, wanita itu punya 'power' juga, meskipun to a certain extent 'power'nya itu ada justru karena kelemahan lawan jenisnya. (sempat chat sm salah satu tmnku ttg ini, dan dia merasa itu enggak bisa disebut "power"..hahaha..)

Sudah lama aku fascinated mempelajari attitude Alkitab, dan dunia ini terhadap status pria dan wanita. Aku percaya bahwa wanita memang diciptakan Tuhan untuk mendukung pria,dan sesuai posisi itu, wanita punya kelebihan, kekurangan, tugas dan tanggung jawabnya sendiri. Tapi nyatanya banyak juga pandangan nyeleneh mengenai gimana seharusnya men and women relate to each other.

Misal, ada yg blg bhw krn wanita diciptakan setelah pria, dari pria, jadi Alkitab itu justru meneriakkan fakta bhw pria = superior. Ini sih gak komen deh, tp aku rasa kata2 Elisabeth Elliot cukup utk menjawabnya.Intinya kira2 begini: memang wanita diciptakan dari samping pria, untuk mendampinginya. Tapi wanita juga diambil dari bawah lengannya, untuk dilindungi, dan dari dekat jantungnya, untuk dicintai. Selain itu, seorg istri emg dituntut utk tunduk kepada suaminya, tp sang suami dituntut mencintai istrinya seperti Kristus mencintai gereja. (yg berarti, dia harus membimbing, memaafkan, melindungi, mendoakan, memimpin, melayani, mencintai bahkan mati untuk istrinya...weits..untung aku lahir jadi cewek..hahaha..)

Di sisi ekstrim yg lain, ada sebagian kaum wanita yg mengatakan "wanita tidak butuh pria" (kl mau baca ttg ini, baca buku "Are Men Necessary? : When Sexes Collide" by Maureen Dowd. Argumen2 di situ byk jg, dari mulai wanita bisa terus "berkembang biak" pake bioteknologi, sampe "dunia ini lebih baik kl pemimpin2 politik adalah wanita." Alasannya sih cukup masuk akal, wanita itu sifatnya lebih "bekerja sama" dan "diplomatis", sebaliknya pria lebih "kompetitif" dan "agresif". (N ternyata, meskipun diblg cewek itu suka bitchy atau "diva-attitude", kabarnya pemimpin2 politik US lebih bitchy n diva fits nya lebih gawat lagi. )

....kok udah males nulis ya pdhl tadi rasanya byk yg mo ditulis....
ya lain kali disambung deh....
tp menurut pembaca, sebetulnya ada apa antara Pria dan Wanita? Is the battle of the sexes a foolish crusade? (yea,i think so..hahaha..)

What archi has done to me....

Well well, another semester has (nearly) passed n I've studied("or tried to study, or even pretended to study" *learnt this quote from one of the tutors*) Architecture. It has changed my thinking, my personality, my habits. Bottom line? Archi has changed me a lot.

1.I'm much more observant now, even more than before. Of course, the things I observe kinda change too..If previously these eyes are often trained on Nature's handyworks, now I also observe nuts n bolts, the way steel beams are connected, the way escalators are placed in shopping malls, the way windows and doors work...thanks to a module called "Architectural Construction"...
Oh,n I'm more observant about clothes too..Weird cuz previously I've never paid much attention to what I wear, much less what other people wear. Now though, when I go out I'll check out people's clothes, shoes, hair color n determine if they match .(It's becoming a subconscious thing,really..). This obsession starts with my tutor's claim that "Singaporeans don't really know how to dress", n I'm determined to judge it on my own.

2. I can glance at a chair or table, or stair steps, n guess quite accurately the width, length n height...in fact, i kind of do it subconsciously also...as i climb up a set of stairs, i'll start guessing the height of the riser, the width of the steps..

3.I've learnt the meaning of "working my ass off" (what the seniors told us when we first came in, naive n innocent freshmen...).. I've learnt that, indeed, it's Mind Over Matter, that when your hands are shaking from severe lack of sleep, it's still possible to draft decent work. That you dont need coffee to stay awake till 5 a.m. since work is as good a stimulant as any other. I've learnt too, from witnessing what my friends underwent and achieved, that even greater feats than these are possible.

4.I've learnt tt sleep is a necessity, a luxury,n a form of entertainment rolled into one. Seriously? I'm way more grateful for a good night's sleep after i became archi student.

Those r kinda the positive stuff..the negative stuff?

I've learnt tt my brain is truly creative in inventing distractions juz before submission. (The need to eat a certain kind of chocolate. To check out new books online. To juz play guitar a bit - n extend it to 1 hour. To ask my bro if he's done his homework. etc etc. ) Also, I found out tt I can be truly 'heck-care' abt my appearance n personal hygiene if circumstances permit..On the first place, during some of the worst times I didnt cut my nails till they grow long enough to be rather dirty (though my habit usually is to cut them really short the moment the white part is visible cuz i dun like long nails), I didnt even wash my hair for a week...(juz tryin to be honest here..newae tt was really the worst part). n speaking about hair, I have much more white hair now (testimony frm the auntie who cut my fringe)... at this rate, my hair's gonna be way older than my face pretty soon... N i feel weird initially using a flat table to write, since I've been using slanted surfaces for months (reducing parallax error when drawing). Not to mention the "I'm driven out from my own home" feeling when we were asked to pack our stuff from the studio for end-of-semester cleaning...

(side note:in the middle of the semester i ran out of face wash, felt too busy to buy a new bottle, n juz washed my face with water since . Still no pimple whatsoever. Gotta thank my mom for the genes.)

k,back to topic. What archi has done to me, though, is nothing compared to what it's done to my yr 5 senior..been helping him cut stuff, make trees for models, n he exhibits symptoms as:

1.severe lack of knowledge about "the outside world" (which is anywhere outside studio) due to being cooped up there for weeks (n weekends...)on end.

2. tendency to talk to himself (yep..) n utter weird sutff,sing weird lyrics..

3. generally as days go by, u can see his eyes going dimmer n dimmer, as if his very soul is being sucked outta him...

4. tendency to forget stuff, misplace stuff (actually this could b attributed more to the messy state of the studio ;p ) and "see-wrongly" (e.g. mistook EZ link card for cashcard kind of blunders), more than the average person...

5.Not forgetting, getting whatever kicks he can get from telling a certain passionate, enthusiastic year 1 student that as days go by, her passion and flame are gonna be snubbed, choked, trampled, extinguished in a "slow and painful death" way, that by year 5, she would wanna get out ASAP from the hellhole that's called studio...

I dunno if I should eagerly await or dread my year 5 days...

Pain - Kahlil Gibran

And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."

And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

-

Juz came back from NUS Indonesian Christian fellowship (ISCF), n one of the alumni talked about our attitude in relation to exam period. It's really good reflection for me. She said, often during exams or other times of great pressure we become more selfish, impatient, easily angered, n generally adopt a worse personality. Then, we'd justify it by saying "Well, that wasnt me, I was under a lot of pressure, and anyway I only become like that during exam period." But hey, think about it another way. What if the personality, the person that comes out during those times is actually the real you? In a sense, during the "good times" you're juz a superficially nice person, unable to maintain that "niceness" when the situation doesn't suit you.
It was a snap awakening... I do tend to become more impatient and self-centered during periods where I need a lot of time to study. Well, I could say "I'm juz a human being," and leave it at that, or I could ask God to mould me, n strive to be the best I can be when the situation is as bad as can be. May I have the strength to choose the latter.

Besides that, right now there's a warm fuzzy feelin' swarming in my heart..hahaha... cuz after the fellowship Rissa mentioned that my birthday juz passed, n so I was asked (forced? ;p ) to stand in the middle n everyone sang happy b'dae song, ISCF version. Was rather embarrassed (Rarely do I feel this emotion..) , but really happy as well. Reason? I've come to cherish the friends I made there, to treasure the way I belong to that community, and to be celebrated, be embraced by the people I value...Well, not many things are better than that =) Best part was the birthday prayer gift...Honestly, it's the first time I receive a prayer as a birthday gift,and again, not may things are better than that ;p

My resolution now that I'm 21? Watch Borat!

....Nah, tt doesnt even count as resolution.

I want to be more mature, but retain my childlike sense of wonder.To be less naive, but still trusting. To tell less lame jokes, but bring more laughter. (Guess some of my friends are already laughing in gratefulness as they read this decision to be less lame...)

Well, yeah. I'm 21 now.

Jakarta Undercover

Continuation from previous post, specifically on the ugly side of Indonesia. Was strolling along the NUS central library today and came across the book "Jakarta Undercover", a book about nightlife and "night entertainment" in Jakarta. The book is done journalism style, and the stories are mostly matter-of-fact descriptions. Still, looking through the index is enough to make one's stomach churn at the thought of how humans could be so twisted.
Anyway, it reminds me again how hypocritical my country can be. Now many people are protesting over the court decision for the editor of Playboy Indonesia (The last time I read he was going to be released and this angered fundamentalists. FYI, Playboy Indonesia contains no nudity and reportedly is "tamer" than mags like FHM), and the argument used against him was that "Playboy merusak moral generasi penerus bangsa." (Playboy destroys the morality of youth). I mean, to scream those lines about morality when young girls are forced to participate in orgies across Jakarta? The focus is just all wrong.

If the capital of my country is that corrupt, what hope is there for the rest of it?

(side note, doesn't mean I think Playboy Indonesia is the "good guy". No way.)

To be or not to be (a PR), that is the question..

In a bid to increase its citizenship by 4 million - I forgot by when - Singapore is now seducing more foreigners to anchor themselves onto its soil. As a consequence, my hostel is flooded with letters asking us to consider becoming PR (Permanent Resident). As a further consequence, I had lunch with my mom where she painstakingly describes the merits of being a PR and the demerits of being Indonesian. (Since I've always been against her plan of making me get a PR.) The conversation went from how SBY can no longer handle Indonesia, to various scandals involving Indonesian ministers and businessmen. (In Indonesia, these two are sinonymous with greed and corruption.) Mom's cases in point:

1. Recent investigations into the Sidoarjo mud scandal, where hot sulphur mud just devours entire villages, reveals that it is caused by greedy businessmen (of PT Lapindo) cutting cost by using less steel pipes and mechanisms. However, though this callousness costs many human lives, the perpetrators will get away since they have connections in the government. Cliche.

2. Continuing the Suharto family saga (in case you dont know, there was a time they owned everything Indonesian, including airports, roads, water, land, buildings...well, everything..) trillion rupiahs of money from Tommy Suharto's Swiss account, swindled from the average honest, hard-working, poor to middle-class Indonesians, has apparently just moved hand to another corrupt minister. Can anything be done? Nope, the minister's got ties to some other big daddies.

3. It was also recently revealed that in IPDN (Institut Pendidikan Dalam Negeri - National Education Institue), where one studies to become government officers, 47 Christian students have died due to violence during "ragging"...I mean, 1 junior versus 50 seniors, and it's called ragging?? Apparently, the school covers up the deaths for quite sometime already (how else could they reach a high of 47 victims), and even sent warning to a teacher that dared voice opinion on this. IPDN now stands for Institut Pemukulan Dalam Negeri. (National Beatings Institute).

From there, my mom went on to talk about various conflicts, safety and security issues, economic downturns, and how we Chinese are mere second class citizens. However hard we work, whatever we own and achieve, all that can be taken away from us in mere minutes, just because we are of Chinese descent. She talked on how I should take the PR, just to have a country to stay in, since political turmoil might turn Indonesia upside down very soon.

I know I'm a second class Indonesian citizen. In fact, since I'm Chinese and Christian at the same time, you can call me doubly-marginalised. (Hm, good thing I crashed some Arts lectures. Handy terms.) But well...wouldn't I still be a second-class citizen in Singapore if I accept a PR? Then again, 2nd class Singaporean citizen means you pay a slightly higher school fee, miss out on some perks, but otherwise Big Bro takes care of you; 2nd class Indonesian citizen means my possibility of being raped, robbed and killed roughly triples. Hmm..

I love Indonesia. Its literature, its Nature, its culture, its language, its songs, its instruments, even its people. And that is why even just taking a PR makes me feel like I've betrayed my country. But what does it matter if all my society sees of me now is my slit eyes and yellow skin? What does it say about a country when it is made up of 13 667 islands and its citizens cant even safely step out of the house?

Ah well, PR then? I dont know....

Kembalikan Indonesiaku padaku. Meskipun aku keturunan Cina....

Design Review..

Honestly, this blog has been around since late last year, but i did not manage to post anything until now..(no, archi isnt that bad, im juz plain lazy).
Well, these electronic pages are supposed to chronicle my journey, toil,rise,fall, joys and sorrows while studying - or at least trying hard to study - Architecture, so that when im year 5 *provided i get there given the archi dropout rate of about 40% - cross finger* i can laugh at my unsure, insecure, constructionally green year-1 self. Also, it serves as a medium to train and maintain my verbal way of thinking, since i was pretty sure Architecture would train up my visual abilities at the expense of verbal ones. (it did.)

Hufh...Just finished design review today (got slammed for the construction part,but otherwise im still in one piece..) which means no more studio or design stuff until August..kinda sad..but well, even if one is a willing slave to Architecture, occasional freedom does taste rather sweet =)

About Design Review...it kinda reminds me of American Idol, Singapore Idol, (put country name here) Idol, whatever...for the simple reason that there are 3 "judges" - made up of tutors of different studios- and all you have to do is present your projects to the tune of "bonafide-architect-meets-streetsmart-clients."

Easier said than done.

Well, we archi freshies are not exactly bonafide architects, though some fellow students' work do frequently incite cries like "Spoil market!!" and "Oh my Tian!!". We stray from design intentions. We misspell some words on the panel (A crime akin to forgetting your lyrics in Idol). We blank out. We cannot figure out just how to construct this gorgeous design with cantilevering 50 m square glass floor without using any bolts. (What are engineers for anyway..).
And the tutors? They're bloody smart. And bloody critical.(ok, they have to be. "Good timber doesn't come with ease, the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.") And they're too bloody often right. Which is why you gotta know when to defend your design and when to keep quiet - I guess this is a very useful lesson even for real life ;p

Oh well, time to go full-steam for revision :'(