Before vs After Married

Found this in one of the indonesian blogs I like to read..... here's the translated version...

Before married:

Guy: "I've waited so long for this moment...."
Girl: "Would you be willing to let me go?"
Guy: "No! Don't ever think of that!"
Girl: "Do you love me?"
Guy: "Of course! It will always be like that!"
Girl: "Will you ever have an affair?"
Guy: "No! I will never do something so horrible."
Girl: "Will you kiss me..?"
Guy: "Yes..."
Girl: "My dear...."

After 5 years of marriage, just read the above dialogue from bottom to top ;p

O: "Newest theory... why do people become religious after going for religious camps?"
S: "Hm..I don't know.."
O: "Because one of humans' basic character is always trying to be consistent.. by going to camps, people have an image of themselves that they are religious, good, etc..by deciding to go to camps, it means they are going to that direction..so yeah, consistency problem.."
S: "Interesting.."
O: "The theory's taken from a book I'm reading... there's an example of prisoners of war in China.. the POWs are not tortured, but they are asked to write essays about commnunism...as time goes by, because the essays are made public also, gardually they unconsciously slant that way..at least, they believe that communism is suitable for China..."
__
The classic adage that "you are what you eat" can be changed into "you are what you read", because what you read is what you think. (Well at least for me.)
How can one continue reading about so many things without being influenced by what one reads?
For now, I still think it's impossible not to be influenced, but I still think it's better taking that risk rather than not relentlessly quenching my curiosity...

Curiosity killed the cat, hey, but maybe it died happy.. Yeah, right, maybe...

"You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details."

"I guess when you're young, you just believe there will be many people whom you'll connect with... Later in life you realize it only happens a few times."
- Celine, Before Sunset

"Yeah when we're walking around we actually check out other girls..like, their legs, shoes, what they wear...."
"I read somewhere that girls actually dress up and make up not for guys, but for other girls... beating the competition, you know..hahahaha..."
"Ya,ya I think it's true... so actually, guys will check out girls, girls also check out girls, only gays will check out other guys..."
"Uhh.....hahahaha.... "
".....A guy who establishes eye contact with other guys...you know..."
"Yeah....well, actually when girls look at guys, they'll look at the face, mainly.. but gays look at the figure.."

A whole new lesson about how humans interact that I've never noticed before...huhuhuhu....

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one

And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
(If Tomorrow Never Comes, Ronan Keating)

"Tell that someone that you love just what you're thinking of.." Sounds like a cliche advice, doesn't it? But these few days made me realize just how true it is..and I actually became paranoid enough to suddenly sms my parents just to tell them that though I don't email and sms them often, though I seem lost in my own world, I love them very much. Knowing just how fragile human lives are, I wonder why I still take people for granted in my life,and to a certain extent "ignore" them.. and the people I take for granted the most are also the ones who love me the most...The ones who are always there, who always pick up the phone when I call, who try the hardest to understand me, whom I can always lean on and depend on.. parents, close friends, church people...
I guess I know why... these people who love me the most are also the ones who want to protect me the most.. who doesn't want me to get hurt, to stray, to make mistakes, to get into a mess.... and it's so difficult to find a balance between showing them I love them by doing what they want me to do (which, actually, is the saner and safer things most of the time) while still staying true to myself.. For I want to fly, run, jump, get hurt, get burnt, get messy, but get the most out of Life...
And for now all I could do...is just tell them how much I love them...

To J: Be courageous, be strong, rest well, and stay sane =)

That Special Someone

"The idea that you can only be complete with another person is evil."
- Celine, from the movie Before Sunset

"The soul needs beauty for a soul mate. When the soul wants, the soul waits."
- Bono

Hmm....the quote by Celine keeps replaying in my mind and somehow I really wanna analyse it... Oh well, I think there are two interesting extremes in the question whether a person needs another to be happy, be satisfied, be complete...And of course we're not talking about just friends here but someone special that we would want to spend our live together with.

On one extreme are people who thinks that they are fine alone, or at least it is better not to get too attached to people. To them, the concept "soulmate" is just that: a concept. They don't even think they need a special someone, let alone a soulmate. I admit that I tend to side with this half...which comes from being independent and "alone but not lonely" for a pretty long time (22 years..yeah man I'm getting old...) Maybe it comes from having a lot of friends and interests to fill my time, but I've always felt that finding a life partner is just one aspect of life, and not a very high priority one..think something like, "If I find someone, good, if not, I'll be a cool architect cum adventurer who travels around the world.' (Now please don't tell my mom that...) Of course, it comes also from being afraid to hurt and get hurt by another person, to get vulnerable, emotional and messy...Life's so much easier when lived just for oneself....Hmm...somehow I still want to believe that a person can still be happy and fulfilled alone, but I remember Kahlil Gibran's poem, that without love one will "laugh, but not all of your laughter; weep, but not all of your tears." Travelling around Europe, I've been meeting and talking to many people living alone and I admit that probably growing old alone kinda sucks, even if I were somewhere in the tropics doing orang utan conservation work and living life to the fullest. One thing I notice: a person without someone to love, no matter which age, will try to fill his/her life with meaningful activities-charity organisations, volunteering - generally trying to be busy in a nice way. So maybe it's true after all, one finds meaning in learning to loved and be loved, and life's not complete without that.

Now, there is the other extreme: the person who is convinced that there is one, and only one, and just one, person who will make one really fulfilled in life. The concept of the soulmate, as I've said. Well....I don't really believe in a soulmate because I think with the number of people in this world there has to be at least several who click really well with you. I mean, just one? Out of 6.72 billion? C'mon... But anyway, if there is such a thing as a soulmate ,in my opinion the only way to meet a soulmate is by divine intervention. Either that or really, really, really, unbelievably good luck. First, there's the problem of meeting the right person, being at the right place,at the right time. Second, how to recognize the person meant for you and how to convince that person you are his/her soulmate. Third, what if your soulmate, your one and only one, decides to choose another person?!
Combine the probabilities and I'd say the odds are pretty slim. Most people I know who believe in a soulmate, actually, are fellow Christians who believe in a God-ordained meeting, because that seems, logically, the only way to overcome the odds.

Hmm... still doesn't answer the question of whether the idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil....What I figure though, is that it's pretty evil to pressure someone to find a partner if he/she is comfortable being alone, by "teaching" them the above idea. As evil as forcing someone who is very social and very dependent on people to be alone.

Well, I believe that to be able to love someone else well a person has to feel complete in his/herself so he/she won't be too dependent on the partner. A person has to come complete with his/her (dang this politically correct two pronouns thing is troublesome..) own interests, strengths, experiences, goals, personality traits, and continue to develop as an individual even after getting together with someone...because to stop growing in such a way means one will get more and more boring... and how then, without our own special things to give, can we ever hope to "complete" another person? I remember an analogy I read quite long ago..that too many people are being half-full glasses, expecting their partner to fill them up..but hey, if you pour a glass that's half-full to another glass like that..well..one would be full and the other one completely empty. Not a good sign, I'd say.

So dear readers, which glass are you? Full? Half-full? Or *gasp!* empty...?

"Perfection is only a world created so we can reflect on imperfections."

S:"...Newae quote dari the movie "Before Sunset" : 'The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil.'
Do: "Dat's true..lol.."
S: "U think tt's true? I should blog about it.."
Do: "Yea, I think so too.."
S: "Hahaha..."
Do: "Love is the root of all evil, nt money."
S: "Wad? Hahahaha...tt's a new one!"

S: "Is it ok to believe when I still have many doubts? I hope so..am starting to accept that questions won't be resolved..maybe they'll lurk forever in my mind...but maybe tt's ok..."

DB:" Depends on what you mean... If there's volcanic eruption in Singapore right now and the only escape is an airplane...and you believe that the airplane will take you to safety BUT your lingering doubts cause you not to take the airplane, I'd say tt's not really ok....cuz then...well you'll be messed up by the volcano lah...."
DB: "the father did pray, "I believe, help thou my unbelief!"....this is true....but the motive behind it was a desperation to get OUT of doubts, OUT of unbelief, and INTO faith, INTO Jesus.......wanting to THROW AWAY doubts, fears, misgivings...and IMMERSE himself into the one who knows all, is all, and created all....Jesus."

S: "how do we know we're not just accepting things by blind faith? there can never be too much faith?"

DB:"what is blind faith?"

S:"accepting things without thinking, i guess...well...like,if u r an israeli soldier in the old testament,and God asked u to kill the Moabites or philistines, though it's written in the Law not to kill..."
........
DB: "And if we judge that right and wrong, we become God..which is exactly what i think the issue is "

S:"But our judgment, our morality, our sense of right or wrong is precisely created by Him..granted it's fallen, but it's still supposed to be a general revelation of God in us."

DB" .....the deception comes when we think we have any inkling or the slightest sense of right and wrong apart from God...."

"...Olympia thinks none of her parents are devout as well, but who can ever truly know the extent of faith in another, she thinks, faith being among the most intimate and well guarded of possessions?"
-Fortune's Rocks, Anita Shreve

"...and it strikes Olympia then how willing we are to give our hearts, and indeed our soulds, to someone we hardly know."
Fortune's Rocks, Anita Shreve

"....welcome to the real world.."

"One unintended consequence of our technology is a change in our concept of identity. Our identities on the internet are fluid. In a single day, a person might post comments under two or more identities, play a game online with another identity, and then participate in a "Second Life" on yet another site. We're losing the idea that our identities should remain constant in every area of our lives and viewing our identities as our own creations that can (and even should) fluctuate depending on the situation."
http://www.str.org/site/PageServer?pagename=blog_iframe

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemis, but the silence of our friends."

"If you want a creative life, do what you can't and experience the beauty of the mistakes you make."
- A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink

"...tau nggak, manusia itu rapuh..."

"...butir-butir pengharapan..."

"...Gw mah practical aja, lagi.."

S:"....lu kok nyiul2in lagu Tong Hua terus sih.."
O:"Lha gw emang suka nyiul2in lagu itu kok.."
S:"Sedih man...."
O:"...tapi menurut gw gak sesedih kisah gw..."
S:"Yeee..."
O:"Ya iyalah, dimana2 kisah sendiri yang paling sedih lah ya..."
S:"Hahahaha iya juga yah...."

E:"How are you over there?"
S:"Yah...enjoying it lah...dreading the time I will come back..."
E:"Yeah, enjoy first before you come back to hell...NUS: National University of Suffering.."
(Thanks,do....)

S:"Well I think relationships are like sand in your hand..you just open your palm, leave the sand there...when wind blows it away you can't do anything, since trying to close your palm will cause the sand to fall in between your fingers..."
O:"Wah...that theory is not bad... can be written in your blog.."

S:"You all cooking chicken rice?"
B:"Yea...can smell it from the corridor?"
*after about 20mins*
S:"Hm...trust me, you all will just open the container and divide up the left over chicken rice...you all keep staring at it...."
V:"I believe that could happen...."
F:"That's why...go and keep the chicken rice lah..somewhere you can't see..."
S:"Should I safekeep it for you?"
B:"No need lah...."
M:"Wah later at night ya...someone will go into the kitchen and take the box...."
V:"Ya, ya,maybe we all see each other and ask,"Eh what are you doing here?".....like, somebody on the lamp..."
B:"Ya, shiela will on the lamp...we all get caught...."
V:"No, no....maybe it's Shiela who will get caught...we on the lamp, and then she's there, with the piece of chicken in her mouth...then she will say,"This is not chicken! This is kangkong!"

....that's the funniest thing I've heard today....

Fragging

Decide to try a new way of blogging, which I will tentatively call fragging. It just means I'll be writing down fragments of my conversations with people, fragments of thoughts, fragments of books I read, fragmens of life...

Ok confession time: I'm gonna frag because it's much less of a hassle than doing a whole blog article analysing something, but I don't think fragging is a lazy man's way of blogging...at the very least, if I can frag every day it would mean every day I'm communicating with someone, *hopefully in a meaningful way and not just in a nonsensical sense..*, thinking, reflecting, connecting....

I think it'll be kinda fun too for people to guess who am I conversing with, in what context are things said, whether there are double meanings to it....
Oh and I'll be using the initial "S" for things that I say =) Guess I really am an ass sometimes...and the other person will be referred simply as "O",as in "Other" hahaha...not very creative..

Anyway yeah, the first frags, from yesterday:

"Newspeak. Doublethink."
-1984, George Orwell (currently reading it)

"Big Brother is watching you!"

O:"..at the end of the book, 1984..."
S: "No! Don't spoil it!"
O:"No,no..I just want you to know, there is one paragraph at the end, and when you read it you will think "Man this guy knows the truth...", and then you will say that "Man, ****** knows the truth.."

"....comme les francais adorent les greves.." ("..like how the French love strikes..")

S: "...Singapore is like a newspaper, you know...you read it, you get all the facts, but that's it, who wants to read newspaper over and over again?"
O: "Haha...ok...I like that comparison...It's your own? you have copyright for that?"
S:"Nah....But anyway,Paris...it's like....hm....it's like a really nice novel....."
O: "You read it chapter by chapter...."
S: "Yea, and after you are done, you can open it again, read it again, and you find new things you don't notice before, you find that sentences can mean other things..."

S:".....I guess, people are looking for someone..."
O: "Wait, wait, someone or The One?"
S:"Hahaha.....Someone... People are looking for someone who are different from them in the right way, but also similar to them in the right way....because to have someone be so different from you..well, you just won't connect... and to have someone be so similar...it would be boring....so you gotta find a person who is different from you in just the right amount, but similar in just the right amount.."

".....in the first relationship, people are always clumsy...."

"...after you know someone for long...yeah...maybe things are not so new and interesting anymore, but you also gain a lot of things...."

"....you could have realised that earlier....."

Yang Fana Adalah Waktu

Lagi-lagi puisi dari penyair favoritku sekarang ini (ok, setelah Chairil Anwar..), Sapardi Djoko Damono.....

Yang fana adalah waktu. Kita abadi:
memungut detik demi detik, merangkainya seperti bunga
sampai pada suatu hari
kita lupa untuk apa.
"Tapi, yang fana adalah waktu, bukan?"
tanyamu.
Kita abadi.