Hm... masalah lupa buatku memang udah bukan masalah kecil lagi, tapi tarafnya udah parah banget.. pokoknya penderita kelas berat deh... Dari mulai lupa nama orang, lupa dimana naro barang, lupa deadline, lupa bayar utang sampe lupa udah janji sama temen.. Yang gak pernah lupa cuma makan doang..huhuhu..itu juga kalo lupa ya cueklah, makan lagi aja..hehehe...
Oh well, insiden lupa terbaru? Ceritanya nih, jumat kemaren aku ke perpustakaan buat nge-print notes, dan entah bagaimana, USB drive ku kececer *satu lagi nih,penyakitnya, penyakit mencecerkan barang...* dan ketinggalan di library. Baru nyadar 2 hari kemudian dan berhubung aku ingetnya aku cuma ke central library di NUS dan gak kemana2lagi, jadinya aku pergi ke perpus untuk melacak USB drive tersayang...
Dan memang dasar Singapura penuh orang-orang jujur, thumbdrive-ku nampang dengan manisnya di kaca lemari tempat lost-and-found perpus..Alhamdullilah..Cepat aku berbaik2 sama librarian minta diambilin USB tersebut.
Trus, kebetulan aku mesti motokopi paspor untuk melengkapi dokumen exchange program, jadi aku pun masuk ruang fotokopi dengan riang gembira *thumbdrive gak jadi ilang untuk kesekian kalinya, gitu loh..*. Buka cover mesin fotokopi, posisikan paspor dengan mantap, tutup mesinnya, tekan tombol dan voila! Fotokopi hitam putih nan keren pun didapat. Sepanjang motokopi itu, aku ingetnya aku nggak boleh ninggalin cashcard dalem slot mesin fotokopi, karena itu salah satu jenis lupa yang pernah terjadi. Dengan penuh rasa bangga, aku mencet tombol "eject cashcard" dan pulang dengan hati senang karena enggak lupa mengambil cashcard tersebut.
Kemudian besoknya aku baru nyadar bahwa pasporku ketinggalan di bawah cover mesin fotokopi yang lupa dibuka kembali....
Huhuhuhuhu....Kadang-kadang aku bertanya pada diri sendiri: "Shiela kamu ini bodoh apa idiot?"
Oh well, tapi sekali lagi Singapura adalah negara penuh orang jujur..karena itu tadi aku baru aja bertandang lagi ke central library untuk menjemput paspor tercinta.. Bener aja, kali ini gantian pasporku yang nangkring dengan manis di etalase kaca lost-and-found... Pas tanda tangan di buku pengambilan barang, terlihatlah entry pas aku ngambil USB 2 hari lalu..huhuhu.. wah kalo librariannya detektif mungkin dia akan curiga aku tuh pelaku kriminal dengan modus operandi suka ngaku-ngaku ngejemput barang ketinggalan...tapi bener loh, ini kayaknya bisa dilakukan..coba aja liat berapa banyaknya USB tak bertuan di lost-and-found..pake aja nama palsu trus ambil... *Geplak!! Bertobatlah shiela sebelum terlambat!!*
Hm balik lagi ke penyakit lupa..salah satu insiden yang juga sangat membekas di dalam otakku adalah saat aku masih JC....Waktu itu Sabtu pagi...dunia begitu indah...Aku naik MRT ke sekolahku di Yio Chu Kang khusus untuk berpartisipasi dalam latihan gitar,tidak ada tujuan lain sama sekali, demikian bulatnya tekadku.. *Waktu JC ekskul-ku guitar club*... Bersenandung riang gembira sepanjang jalan, hingga aku sampai di gerbang sekolah...Kemudian, pikir2 lagi rasanya ada yang salah....yak sodara-sodara,betul sekali....aku lupa bawa gitar...... *Giliran anda untuk bertanya: "Shiela...kamu ini bodoh apa idiot?"
Huhuhuhuhu....masih banyak lagi sih kejadian2 yang sejenis itu...jangankan lupa yang keterlaluan begitu, insiden2 "lupa standar" misalnya ketinggalan dompet dan hp mah sering banget... Cuma, sejauh ini selalu balik dengan selamat ke pangkuanku..Emang salut deh sama kultur disini... Kalo ketinggalan barang di singapur, 9 out of 10 times tuh barang bakal balik lagi...kalo ketinggalan barang di indo...9 out of 10 times tu barang bakal raib bak ditelan bumi...dan barang kembali yang 1 out of 10 itu juga cuma kalo dipasang jampi-jampi...
Oh, iya, meskipun agak sulit dipercaya, tapi pernah juga aku lupa di hari ujian bakal ujian apa.. pas baru2 ikut tes mau masuk secondary school di singapur..aku berangkat dengan keyakinan penuh bahwa hari itu ujian bahasa inggris...dan apa mau dikata begitu paper dibagi terpampang gede-gede di lembar pertama: "MATHEMATICS PAPER 2"... Alhasil di exam hall aku ngumpet2 keluarin hp untuk make kalkulatornya...
Kenapa ya bisa sampe parah gitu...padahal aku cukup yakin aku nggak bodoh dan nggak idiot..huhuhu... hm...atau jangan2 setiap orang juga menderita penyakit lupa seperti aku? Ayo, ayo, bagikanlah pengalaman anda, jangan lupa! *atau seharusnya, "Lupalah, tapi jangan lupa, sharingkanlah!"
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
And I Quote...
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a greater understanding of ourselves."
- Carl Jung
"Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me."
- Archibald Hart
"A church is but a collection of imperfect people, grateful because a perfect God loves them."
- Anon.
- Carl Jung
"Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me."
- Archibald Hart
"A church is but a collection of imperfect people, grateful because a perfect God loves them."
- Anon.
Berbicara Tentang Cinta
Berbicara tentang cinta tak akan ada habisnya
Tentang indahnya tentang lembutnya
Tentang pahitnya dan tentang sakitnya
Berbicara tentang cinta tak mungkin ada akhirnya
Tentang perihnya tentang pedihnya
Tentang belainya dan tentang tawanya
Berbicara tentang cinta mustahil ada jenuhnya
Tentang jeratnya tentang racunnya
Tentang manisnya dan tentang madunya
Yah....
Berbicara tentang cinta memang jarang ada gunanya
Ia tak akan tunduk hanya pada kata-kata..
___
Hm...aku masih belum kehilangan "bakat" bikin puisi cengeng dan melankolis..hahaha...
Tentang indahnya tentang lembutnya
Tentang pahitnya dan tentang sakitnya
Berbicara tentang cinta tak mungkin ada akhirnya
Tentang perihnya tentang pedihnya
Tentang belainya dan tentang tawanya
Berbicara tentang cinta mustahil ada jenuhnya
Tentang jeratnya tentang racunnya
Tentang manisnya dan tentang madunya
Yah....
Berbicara tentang cinta memang jarang ada gunanya
Ia tak akan tunduk hanya pada kata-kata..
___
Hm...aku masih belum kehilangan "bakat" bikin puisi cengeng dan melankolis..hahaha...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Recommendations
"Those who speak does not know, those who know does not speak..."
-The Drunken Immortal of Forbidden Kingdom
Alright, those who have not watched Forbidden Kingdom has to go and watch it!! It'll be satisfaction enough to see the dream fight sequence b/w Jet Li and Jackie Chan *my childhood heroes...* I've often imagined a movie with both of them in it..and voila!
Besides the cool action sequences, the movie is actually very funny..the cast is great...the storyline fresh..and the costumes cool! Man, haven't watched such a good movie since I watched Stardust..and this one's even better!
Next recommendation, those who like detective novels will do well to grab the Erast Fandorin series by Boris Akunin *available in the nearest NLBs..*. As intriguing as the Sherlock Holmes series, but with more literary flair *in my humble opinion..*. Anyway, a very good read to recuperate from an exhausting semester =)
Why am I doing all this in reading week, u ask?
Well... bookworm's gotta do what bookworm's gotta do....
-The Drunken Immortal of Forbidden Kingdom
Alright, those who have not watched Forbidden Kingdom has to go and watch it!! It'll be satisfaction enough to see the dream fight sequence b/w Jet Li and Jackie Chan *my childhood heroes...* I've often imagined a movie with both of them in it..and voila!
Besides the cool action sequences, the movie is actually very funny..the cast is great...the storyline fresh..and the costumes cool! Man, haven't watched such a good movie since I watched Stardust..and this one's even better!
Next recommendation, those who like detective novels will do well to grab the Erast Fandorin series by Boris Akunin *available in the nearest NLBs..*. As intriguing as the Sherlock Holmes series, but with more literary flair *in my humble opinion..*. Anyway, a very good read to recuperate from an exhausting semester =)
Why am I doing all this in reading week, u ask?
Well... bookworm's gotta do what bookworm's gotta do....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Post-submission AAR (After Action Report)
Huaaaaaaahhhhh....... selesai juga akhirnya... sejauh ini, semester inilah yang paling bikin capek mental krn semua tutors seolah put in extra effort biar deadline2 pada clash.. pertama kalinya ada project submission 4 hari sebelum design submission..hueh..
yah tapi semuanya udah selesai, n seperti biasa, kami anak2 archi akan liat ke belakang dan bilang: "I'm a survivor!" =) hm...so how was this semester...? kl mo jujur, secara fisik jauh lebih relaxing daripada last sem, dimana aku harus nginep2 di studio more than half the sem, gara2 tutornya keren abis tapi sadis berat... secara mental, ya itu tadi, semester paling melelahkan so far gara2 project byk banget n deadlines-nya clash2. tp terasa betul kekompakan anak2 archi saat stay over bareng, complain bareng, supper bareng, dan tak lupa ngerjain online tests bareng2..hehehe... tanpa community spirit yg seperti itu, archi just won't be as fun.
well..anehnya yah..kalo ada satu hal yang betul2 aku pelajari semester ini,it's to not take school so seriously... dan ternyata aku baik2 saja tuh.. *cross finger, liat apa aku bakal nelan ludah sendiri setelah nilai2 keluar* hm..kecuali yg disastrous presentation itu, but aku rasa kontribusi seluruh grup ampe bisa ancur begitu... yah, senang sih, krn sejauh ini aku penasaran apa yg akan terjadi kalo aku nggak menjual jiwaku ke arsitektur, dan ternyata ok ok aja. targetku di awal semester cukup tercapai, yaitu lebih banyak memperhatikan temen2, keluarga, gereja, daripada melulu memperhatikan studi. Tentu aja aku bersyukur krn terasa Tuhan membantu aku dan memberkati pekerjaan tanganku, sehingga aku bisa punya waktu dan kemauan memperhatikan orang lain. susah lho, utk seorang mantan loner yg menganggap archi adalah mistess-nya..hahahahaha...
Perbuatan paling nekat semester ini: *actually, perbuatan paling nekat selama aku di archi sejauh ini* pergi nonton konser "We Will Rock You" tepat pada malam sebelum submission...hahahhahaha.. inilah akibat beli tiket tanpa bener2 ngecek tanggal submission.. tapi aku malah seneng udah pergi.. hm...it made me feel bad, but also feel good..hahaha.. kyk seorang nerd yang ketaun bolos sekolah buat ke game center n merasa cool karenanya.. yah, perasaan bangga-nya itu ada krn aku bisa selesai ngerjain stuff utk submission beberapa jam seblm waktu yg ditentukan, n tanggapan tutors2 di crit lumayan bagus. coba kalo crit-ku disastrous jg, sekarang mungkin lagi lemes sambil mikir "would things b different kl waktunya yg buat konser dipake buat kerja...?"
But people need to have "illegal" fun once in a while, really. karena itu membuat kita mikir lagi, siapa sih sebenarnya yg naro constraints2 seperti :"dilarang menonton konser pada malam sebelum submission." nggak ada sebetulnya, selain diri kita sendiri.
That said, target semester berikutnya adalah menjual jiwaku pada archi sambil memperhatikan orang lain..*atau kalo beneran pergi ke Paris, sambil jalan2 juga..somehow aku masih merasa surreal bhw aku bkl pergi exchange ke Paris..merasa kl di saat2 terakhir ntar ada sesuatu yg membatalkannya...hm...* Kenapa setelah do okay tanpa ditindas archi aku masih pengen menuang all of myself into it? Cuz that's the definition of the word passion... aku emang nggak nyesel gak put in 100% semester ini, tp aku pengen banget put in 120% semester depan.. semata karena berjuang sampe titik darah penghabisan adalah kenikmatan tersendiri... rasanya bakal seneng banget dan puas banget bahwa usaha yg kita serahkan adalah bener2 yang terbaik, dan dalam usaha mengejar yang terbaik itu, udah pasti diri kita akan semakin bertumbuh..dalam disiplin, kemauan, kemampuan, tekad, stamina, ketahanan mental n kepandaian membagi waktu.. tantangan terbesar di archi: how to have reasonably balanced life while justifying the passion we have by putting in much of ourselves.
oh well...submission telah datang...dan pergi...hahaha... tentu aja udah "balas dendam" dgn bangun siang2 n baca komik sepanjang malam... *insomnia-nya masih sisa dikit dari minggu lalu..payah..*
I'm glad this semester was what it was..no more and no less...
yah tapi semuanya udah selesai, n seperti biasa, kami anak2 archi akan liat ke belakang dan bilang: "I'm a survivor!" =) hm...so how was this semester...? kl mo jujur, secara fisik jauh lebih relaxing daripada last sem, dimana aku harus nginep2 di studio more than half the sem, gara2 tutornya keren abis tapi sadis berat... secara mental, ya itu tadi, semester paling melelahkan so far gara2 project byk banget n deadlines-nya clash2. tp terasa betul kekompakan anak2 archi saat stay over bareng, complain bareng, supper bareng, dan tak lupa ngerjain online tests bareng2..hehehe... tanpa community spirit yg seperti itu, archi just won't be as fun.
well..anehnya yah..kalo ada satu hal yang betul2 aku pelajari semester ini,it's to not take school so seriously... dan ternyata aku baik2 saja tuh.. *cross finger, liat apa aku bakal nelan ludah sendiri setelah nilai2 keluar* hm..kecuali yg disastrous presentation itu, but aku rasa kontribusi seluruh grup ampe bisa ancur begitu... yah, senang sih, krn sejauh ini aku penasaran apa yg akan terjadi kalo aku nggak menjual jiwaku ke arsitektur, dan ternyata ok ok aja. targetku di awal semester cukup tercapai, yaitu lebih banyak memperhatikan temen2, keluarga, gereja, daripada melulu memperhatikan studi. Tentu aja aku bersyukur krn terasa Tuhan membantu aku dan memberkati pekerjaan tanganku, sehingga aku bisa punya waktu dan kemauan memperhatikan orang lain. susah lho, utk seorang mantan loner yg menganggap archi adalah mistess-nya..hahahahaha...
Perbuatan paling nekat semester ini: *actually, perbuatan paling nekat selama aku di archi sejauh ini* pergi nonton konser "We Will Rock You" tepat pada malam sebelum submission...hahahhahaha.. inilah akibat beli tiket tanpa bener2 ngecek tanggal submission.. tapi aku malah seneng udah pergi.. hm...it made me feel bad, but also feel good..hahaha.. kyk seorang nerd yang ketaun bolos sekolah buat ke game center n merasa cool karenanya.. yah, perasaan bangga-nya itu ada krn aku bisa selesai ngerjain stuff utk submission beberapa jam seblm waktu yg ditentukan, n tanggapan tutors2 di crit lumayan bagus. coba kalo crit-ku disastrous jg, sekarang mungkin lagi lemes sambil mikir "would things b different kl waktunya yg buat konser dipake buat kerja...?"
But people need to have "illegal" fun once in a while, really. karena itu membuat kita mikir lagi, siapa sih sebenarnya yg naro constraints2 seperti :"dilarang menonton konser pada malam sebelum submission." nggak ada sebetulnya, selain diri kita sendiri.
That said, target semester berikutnya adalah menjual jiwaku pada archi sambil memperhatikan orang lain..*atau kalo beneran pergi ke Paris, sambil jalan2 juga..somehow aku masih merasa surreal bhw aku bkl pergi exchange ke Paris..merasa kl di saat2 terakhir ntar ada sesuatu yg membatalkannya...hm...* Kenapa setelah do okay tanpa ditindas archi aku masih pengen menuang all of myself into it? Cuz that's the definition of the word passion... aku emang nggak nyesel gak put in 100% semester ini, tp aku pengen banget put in 120% semester depan.. semata karena berjuang sampe titik darah penghabisan adalah kenikmatan tersendiri... rasanya bakal seneng banget dan puas banget bahwa usaha yg kita serahkan adalah bener2 yang terbaik, dan dalam usaha mengejar yang terbaik itu, udah pasti diri kita akan semakin bertumbuh..dalam disiplin, kemauan, kemampuan, tekad, stamina, ketahanan mental n kepandaian membagi waktu.. tantangan terbesar di archi: how to have reasonably balanced life while justifying the passion we have by putting in much of ourselves.
oh well...submission telah datang...dan pergi...hahaha... tentu aja udah "balas dendam" dgn bangun siang2 n baca komik sepanjang malam... *insomnia-nya masih sisa dikit dari minggu lalu..payah..*
I'm glad this semester was what it was..no more and no less...
Friday, April 11, 2008
Disastrous Day 2008 - Cont'd
.....which turned out to be not so disastrous anymore....
Hm...as usual I came to the conclusion that i think too much...that day after being slammed I was agonizing over how to get the group to work back together since the "chemistry" now seems to be negative.. not to mention how to divide the dirty work fairly so that no one feels overused..
Well, the next day I just did my part, re-did the presentation slides, went to school and... everyone was already there and working! No confusion about work division,no trying to wiggle out of dirty work, I didn't even hear any complaint about having to redo the things..everyone just worked, worked, worked and still joke around like usual. I love my studio! Hahahaha...hm actually this noble work ethic is quite prevalent in archi...generally the amount of complaining is immaterial compared to the amount of sheer hard work and dedication put in.. So yeah, at last the group work was enjoyable since everyone was determined to put in effort *which makes me wonder actually why it did not happen on the first place and only after we got slammed..but never mind..* Well we managed to pull a good job, decent at least, in 1.5 day, and thankfully dr uma accepted it. But he said that we could've just put in the effort before our previous disastrous presentation and it wouldn't have been like that.Which is true, of course.
I learned more from this than i would have if it all went smoothly, though.. that if someone is so-called in charge then might as well be fully in charge and chase people around, nag at them, rather than not get work done.. plus, I have to learn more to trust in people's ability and not my own , and trust that people will want to work hard provided there is good leadership - by example AND by talk.
Funnily enough, this semester I learned as much about people and how to work with them as I learned about archi, if not more. It's great actually, though the lessons made me painfully aware of my waeknesses and flaws.
Ah well, I'm still under construction anyway.. aren't us all?. And yeah, a finished building has its beauty, but buildings under construction have their own beauty as well. *Ask any AR2326 archi construction students ;p *
Hm...as usual I came to the conclusion that i think too much...that day after being slammed I was agonizing over how to get the group to work back together since the "chemistry" now seems to be negative.. not to mention how to divide the dirty work fairly so that no one feels overused..
Well, the next day I just did my part, re-did the presentation slides, went to school and... everyone was already there and working! No confusion about work division,no trying to wiggle out of dirty work, I didn't even hear any complaint about having to redo the things..everyone just worked, worked, worked and still joke around like usual. I love my studio! Hahahaha...hm actually this noble work ethic is quite prevalent in archi...generally the amount of complaining is immaterial compared to the amount of sheer hard work and dedication put in.. So yeah, at last the group work was enjoyable since everyone was determined to put in effort *which makes me wonder actually why it did not happen on the first place and only after we got slammed..but never mind..* Well we managed to pull a good job, decent at least, in 1.5 day, and thankfully dr uma accepted it. But he said that we could've just put in the effort before our previous disastrous presentation and it wouldn't have been like that.Which is true, of course.
I learned more from this than i would have if it all went smoothly, though.. that if someone is so-called in charge then might as well be fully in charge and chase people around, nag at them, rather than not get work done.. plus, I have to learn more to trust in people's ability and not my own , and trust that people will want to work hard provided there is good leadership - by example AND by talk.
Funnily enough, this semester I learned as much about people and how to work with them as I learned about archi, if not more. It's great actually, though the lessons made me painfully aware of my waeknesses and flaws.
Ah well, I'm still under construction anyway.. aren't us all?. And yeah, a finished building has its beauty, but buildings under construction have their own beauty as well. *Ask any AR2326 archi construction students ;p *
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Disastrous Day 2008
Oh well...being a person who laughs at almost any situation, seldom would I use the term "disastrous" to describe anything.. but yesterday truly was a disastrous day...
Reason? Got slammed really bad for a group presentation...worse still, it was deserved.. and even worse still..can't help thinking it's my fault.. oh but there's still something worse.. instead of rallying my groupmates and encouraging each other to rectify our mistakes, I think I was totally tactless during the post-presentation briefing that it seemed i blamed some of my groupmates.oh,no, i forgot what's worse: having people think we don't care about our work... *seriously, in archi I guess the lowest, most insulting "label" is to be called a person who doesn't care about the work we do.... because, of course, there's no use being in archi if one doesn't show dedication...* Dang, i forgot one more thing..we disappointed a very good and very kind professor not to mention a very nice and caring tutor... heck... i can't decide which one is worst from all of the above...
haih...i don't know how to rectify the situation either..what's done is done.. can only try to do as much as we can for friday *thank goodness for second chances*.
Anyway, as usual, I overthink and overanalyse the incident during the whole bus ride home, and well...40mins is more than enough time to think what went wrong,lament, feel guilty, feel bad, feel sad, etc etc.. and somehow it all came down to thinking just what was my faults..
Am feeling guilty right now....though it's useless to feel as such..oh well.. it all boils down to me taking the role of organiser, but taking it very half-heardtedly, such that there was just no proper schedule and work ethic in the group..I guess I could say I was just responding to the seeming condition of the group, which I thought was people being reluctant to be organised but are capable enough to do all their parts on their own...Needless to say, I learnt that there are 3 important things in group work: communication, communication, communication.
Haih...
Oh well...anyway here's the list of personal faults *or character flaws, if you please* that I thought of.. a bit weird to put it here..but well, I don't wanna waste the results of a very 'productive' thinking session..
1. Am bad at organising people cuz I don't like to 'control' others *not to mention I think it's very troublesome...*
2.insensitive to people's feelings, often
3.tactless...and am really blunt sometimes..
4. am not serious enough to get people to work seriously
5. talk too much.. and too loud.. *look I do realise this but it's hard to rectify..but if u r annoyed, pass me a bar of chocolate i'll be quietly munching away...*
6.think too much, and act too little..
7. i hate being given a lot of responsibilities..especially if it's also concerning the fates of other ppl.. I thought I've overcome this one but no...
8.didn't tell people what I think when it could've been a good thing..and told ppl what I think when it's too late and became a bad thing..
Haih... there are of course many more but the condemnations I had last night consist of these things...
And one more thing that is disastrous... pernah melakukan hal memalukan, atau di-slam habis2an, di depan orang yg anda pengen punya pikiran baik tentang anda? Rasanya ingin menyembunyikan diri pake hijab *itu loh kostum konservatif wanita afghanistan*, atau sekalian lari ke gunung dan jadi pertapa, atau daftar program transmigrasi ke Timbuktu...
tapi kalo dipikir lagi..justru kejadian2 penuh bencana seperti ini yang membuat kita bisa bedain mana teman yg bisa nerima kita apa adanya.. dan gw bersyukur banget bahwa meskipun gw orangnya suka malu2in *dan ikut menyeret orang2 sekitar untuk turut malu, tentunya* tapi ada orang2 yg dengan lapang dada berteman dgn gw....wah, lapang banget deh dada2 mereka, kalah deh lapangan sepakbola...Keinget satu quote yang bagus: "Those who bother don't matter, and those who matter won't bother.'
Haih....gara2 satu incident jadi mikirin banyak hal... seolah hidup gw di flashback di kepala gw..huhuhu...oh well, sekarang harus kerjain presentation buat jumat..huah....
Reason? Got slammed really bad for a group presentation...worse still, it was deserved.. and even worse still..can't help thinking it's my fault.. oh but there's still something worse.. instead of rallying my groupmates and encouraging each other to rectify our mistakes, I think I was totally tactless during the post-presentation briefing that it seemed i blamed some of my groupmates.oh,no, i forgot what's worse: having people think we don't care about our work... *seriously, in archi I guess the lowest, most insulting "label" is to be called a person who doesn't care about the work we do.... because, of course, there's no use being in archi if one doesn't show dedication...* Dang, i forgot one more thing..we disappointed a very good and very kind professor not to mention a very nice and caring tutor... heck... i can't decide which one is worst from all of the above...
haih...i don't know how to rectify the situation either..what's done is done.. can only try to do as much as we can for friday *thank goodness for second chances*.
Anyway, as usual, I overthink and overanalyse the incident during the whole bus ride home, and well...40mins is more than enough time to think what went wrong,lament, feel guilty, feel bad, feel sad, etc etc.. and somehow it all came down to thinking just what was my faults..
Am feeling guilty right now....though it's useless to feel as such..oh well.. it all boils down to me taking the role of organiser, but taking it very half-heardtedly, such that there was just no proper schedule and work ethic in the group..I guess I could say I was just responding to the seeming condition of the group, which I thought was people being reluctant to be organised but are capable enough to do all their parts on their own...Needless to say, I learnt that there are 3 important things in group work: communication, communication, communication.
Haih...
Oh well...anyway here's the list of personal faults *or character flaws, if you please* that I thought of.. a bit weird to put it here..but well, I don't wanna waste the results of a very 'productive' thinking session..
1. Am bad at organising people cuz I don't like to 'control' others *not to mention I think it's very troublesome...*
2.insensitive to people's feelings, often
3.tactless...and am really blunt sometimes..
4. am not serious enough to get people to work seriously
5. talk too much.. and too loud.. *look I do realise this but it's hard to rectify..but if u r annoyed, pass me a bar of chocolate i'll be quietly munching away...*
6.think too much, and act too little..
7. i hate being given a lot of responsibilities..especially if it's also concerning the fates of other ppl.. I thought I've overcome this one but no...
8.didn't tell people what I think when it could've been a good thing..and told ppl what I think when it's too late and became a bad thing..
Haih... there are of course many more but the condemnations I had last night consist of these things...
And one more thing that is disastrous... pernah melakukan hal memalukan, atau di-slam habis2an, di depan orang yg anda pengen punya pikiran baik tentang anda? Rasanya ingin menyembunyikan diri pake hijab *itu loh kostum konservatif wanita afghanistan*, atau sekalian lari ke gunung dan jadi pertapa, atau daftar program transmigrasi ke Timbuktu...
tapi kalo dipikir lagi..justru kejadian2 penuh bencana seperti ini yang membuat kita bisa bedain mana teman yg bisa nerima kita apa adanya.. dan gw bersyukur banget bahwa meskipun gw orangnya suka malu2in *dan ikut menyeret orang2 sekitar untuk turut malu, tentunya* tapi ada orang2 yg dengan lapang dada berteman dgn gw....wah, lapang banget deh dada2 mereka, kalah deh lapangan sepakbola...Keinget satu quote yang bagus: "Those who bother don't matter, and those who matter won't bother.'
Haih....gara2 satu incident jadi mikirin banyak hal... seolah hidup gw di flashback di kepala gw..huhuhu...oh well, sekarang harus kerjain presentation buat jumat..huah....
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Pergumulan
Belakangan ini dalam kepala gw sering terjadi percakapan kira2 sbg berikut:
Tokoh2:
1.Suara Baik (SB) *tipe2 suara yg lembut tapi tegas, perwakilan segala kebenaran dan moralitas*
2.Suara Jahat (SJ) *suara seksi serak2 basah yg jelas2 berbahaya namun teramar menggoda..*
3.Gw, sbg piala yg diperebutkan antara Suara Baik dan Suara Jahat
Gw: "Duh cuacanya mendung nih..."
SJ: "Iya! Enak banget buat tidur, ato melamun gak ngapa2in.."
SB: "Kan gambar section 1:50 nya belom selesai..trus masih ada model..trus masih harus perbaiki sketch-up model buat design n environment.."
SJ: "Alah, males dikit napa.. nih, lu sendiri tau kan kl lu tuh udah cukup rajin selama kira2 18 taun..sekarang apa salahnya relax .. dan lu tau sendiri kl selama ini nilai2 lu tuh termasuk bagus2, jadi kalopun semester ini nilai lu jelek ya gak apa2..sekali2..lagian, how bad can it be?"
Gw: "Iya sih...emang gw ngerasa pengen lepas kontrol aja... how bad can it be..."
SJ:"Betul banget! Emang lu mau selamanya jadi nerd? Ngapain punya otak pinter kalo gak bisa dimanfaatin utk nyantai. Tenang aja, tar last minute jg lu pasti mampu nyiapin kok.."
Gw: *Heran kok si SJ ini tauuu aja apa yang gw pikirin..Mantep dah.."
SB: "U know ya, it's not even about grades.. It's about pas akhir semester nanti bisa nggak lu liat balik project lu n bangga bahwa itu project lu, puas karena lu udah spend a decent amount of time, energy and effort on it. Dan apa iya lu bener gak peduli sama grades? Sayang banget, punya otak pinter tapi gak keliatan hasilnya tuh, kayak punya coklat enak tapi gak dimakan sendiri..."
Gw: "Hm.....ugh... pilihan yang benar2 sulit..."
SJ:"Kalopun lu nyante, tar hasilnya juga gak jelek2 amat, percaya deh, jadi ngapain harus spend so much effort? Udah sana, buka www.onemanga.com, baca komik Detective Conan dulu.. lagian, tau kan, kl lu mau serius jg byk yg harus dikerjain, bikin pusing aja.. jadi, relax2 aja lah..Inget Ecclesiastes, there's a time for everything under heaven, time to mug and...time to slack! ya kan?"
SB: "Katanya mau mempersembahkan yg terbaik buat Tuhan? Katanya biar pekerjaan lu jadi sesuatu yg berbau harum dan berkenan buat Dia? Mana bisa kalo attitude-nya aja udah gak beres gini... Bukan masalah what's the minimum u can do to get a decent result, tapi bisa gak lu disiplin diri. Sejak kapan buat tugas harus tergantung mood? Dan lagi kemaren baru tidur 11 jam kan?"
Gw: "Ugh..*yg 11 jam itu harus gw akui benar sih.huhu..sempat2nya gw..* Gimana ya....Hm..."
*Akhirnya walopun sempat males2 n memilih utk tidur siang gw mulai bikin section and model..n barusan selesai..Skor sementara: SB 1, SJ 0. Penekanan pada kata SEMENTARA.*
Hufh...gitu deh... gw tau sih akar permasalahannya...bahwa gw merasa udah capek n males ngutak-ngutik desain gw sementara tutor gw masih lumayan banyak maunya *yg agak2 gak jelas*...selain itu jg ada tugas kelompok yg ngganjel n nyebelin krn susah bgt mo meet secara kelompoknya..n biasanya yg bakal pull me through itu rasa pengen dapet grades yg bagus, at least gak malu2in..tapi sekarang ini gw sedang dalam keadaan "How bad can it be anyway..." Parah deh...
Ada yang punya usulan?
Tokoh2:
1.Suara Baik (SB) *tipe2 suara yg lembut tapi tegas, perwakilan segala kebenaran dan moralitas*
2.Suara Jahat (SJ) *suara seksi serak2 basah yg jelas2 berbahaya namun teramar menggoda..*
3.Gw, sbg piala yg diperebutkan antara Suara Baik dan Suara Jahat
Gw: "Duh cuacanya mendung nih..."
SJ: "Iya! Enak banget buat tidur, ato melamun gak ngapa2in.."
SB: "Kan gambar section 1:50 nya belom selesai..trus masih ada model..trus masih harus perbaiki sketch-up model buat design n environment.."
SJ: "Alah, males dikit napa.. nih, lu sendiri tau kan kl lu tuh udah cukup rajin selama kira2 18 taun..sekarang apa salahnya relax .. dan lu tau sendiri kl selama ini nilai2 lu tuh termasuk bagus2, jadi kalopun semester ini nilai lu jelek ya gak apa2..sekali2..lagian, how bad can it be?"
Gw: "Iya sih...emang gw ngerasa pengen lepas kontrol aja... how bad can it be..."
SJ:"Betul banget! Emang lu mau selamanya jadi nerd? Ngapain punya otak pinter kalo gak bisa dimanfaatin utk nyantai. Tenang aja, tar last minute jg lu pasti mampu nyiapin kok.."
Gw: *Heran kok si SJ ini tauuu aja apa yang gw pikirin..Mantep dah.."
SB: "U know ya, it's not even about grades.. It's about pas akhir semester nanti bisa nggak lu liat balik project lu n bangga bahwa itu project lu, puas karena lu udah spend a decent amount of time, energy and effort on it. Dan apa iya lu bener gak peduli sama grades? Sayang banget, punya otak pinter tapi gak keliatan hasilnya tuh, kayak punya coklat enak tapi gak dimakan sendiri..."
Gw: "Hm.....ugh... pilihan yang benar2 sulit..."
SJ:"Kalopun lu nyante, tar hasilnya juga gak jelek2 amat, percaya deh, jadi ngapain harus spend so much effort? Udah sana, buka www.onemanga.com, baca komik Detective Conan dulu.. lagian, tau kan, kl lu mau serius jg byk yg harus dikerjain, bikin pusing aja.. jadi, relax2 aja lah..Inget Ecclesiastes, there's a time for everything under heaven, time to mug and...time to slack! ya kan?"
SB: "Katanya mau mempersembahkan yg terbaik buat Tuhan? Katanya biar pekerjaan lu jadi sesuatu yg berbau harum dan berkenan buat Dia? Mana bisa kalo attitude-nya aja udah gak beres gini... Bukan masalah what's the minimum u can do to get a decent result, tapi bisa gak lu disiplin diri. Sejak kapan buat tugas harus tergantung mood? Dan lagi kemaren baru tidur 11 jam kan?"
Gw: "Ugh..*yg 11 jam itu harus gw akui benar sih.huhu..sempat2nya gw..* Gimana ya....Hm..."
*Akhirnya walopun sempat males2 n memilih utk tidur siang gw mulai bikin section and model..n barusan selesai..Skor sementara: SB 1, SJ 0. Penekanan pada kata SEMENTARA.*
Hufh...gitu deh... gw tau sih akar permasalahannya...bahwa gw merasa udah capek n males ngutak-ngutik desain gw sementara tutor gw masih lumayan banyak maunya *yg agak2 gak jelas*...selain itu jg ada tugas kelompok yg ngganjel n nyebelin krn susah bgt mo meet secara kelompoknya..n biasanya yg bakal pull me through itu rasa pengen dapet grades yg bagus, at least gak malu2in..tapi sekarang ini gw sedang dalam keadaan "How bad can it be anyway..." Parah deh...
Ada yang punya usulan?
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Pelajaran
Pelajaran dari kejadian beberapa hari lalu:
1. Jangan pernah ngomong hal2 yang gak mengenakkan dan mengundang salah paham lewat sms. It'll sound much worse than it actually is.
2. Pikir dulu sebelum bertindak - jangan bertindak di saat kesal.
3. Masalah duit itu sensitif.
4. Berani ngaku kesalahan adalah jalan keluar terbaik.
5. Kalau pihak satunya juga mau minta maaf (which fortunately happened in this case), that's great. Kalau tidak, well, maafkan orang itu so we can move on.
Huahhh.....udah lama banget gak merasa kesal ataupun merasa bikin kesal orang.. hidupku kadang mungkin terlalu "mulus". Merasa gak punya musuh sih ato jangan2 banyak yg dendam sama aku yah? Daftar tindak kriminal pribadi rasanya lumayan panjang sih.. *Pengumuman: Apabila anda menyimpan dendam kesumat nan membara-bara pada diri saya yang tidak tahu apa-apa, akui saja, daripada nanti anda terkena kanker payudara.* *uh..cuma supaya rhyme sih..huhu..*
Anyway, tadi di lecture Urban Planning prof-nya ngebahas ttg Paris *kotanya, bukan selebritisnya* dan yah.... jadi pengen banget pergi..huhuhu... di Paris ada satu malam di bulan Juli yang disebut "Paris Nuit Blanche" (Malam Putih Paris) dimana orang2 gak tidur semalaman karena atraksi2, museum2 dibuka sampe pagi. Wah.....
In any case, makanya itu bahasa prancis bahasa yang indah... daripada blg "Seminggu kemaren gw begadang mulu..." ato "I didn't sleep much last week" atau "Wo bu shui jiao ing wei wo you hen duo gong zhuo.." kan keren kalo blg "Moi, j'avais beacoup de nuits blanches derniere semaine..." *I had many white nights last week.*
Hahaha...yah tapi bahasa Indonesia tetap paling puitis, deh...wahai kawan-kawanku, kuatkanlah dirimu menghadapi malam-malam putih...
1. Jangan pernah ngomong hal2 yang gak mengenakkan dan mengundang salah paham lewat sms. It'll sound much worse than it actually is.
2. Pikir dulu sebelum bertindak - jangan bertindak di saat kesal.
3. Masalah duit itu sensitif.
4. Berani ngaku kesalahan adalah jalan keluar terbaik.
5. Kalau pihak satunya juga mau minta maaf (which fortunately happened in this case), that's great. Kalau tidak, well, maafkan orang itu so we can move on.
Huahhh.....udah lama banget gak merasa kesal ataupun merasa bikin kesal orang.. hidupku kadang mungkin terlalu "mulus". Merasa gak punya musuh sih ato jangan2 banyak yg dendam sama aku yah? Daftar tindak kriminal pribadi rasanya lumayan panjang sih.. *Pengumuman: Apabila anda menyimpan dendam kesumat nan membara-bara pada diri saya yang tidak tahu apa-apa, akui saja, daripada nanti anda terkena kanker payudara.* *uh..cuma supaya rhyme sih..huhu..*
Anyway, tadi di lecture Urban Planning prof-nya ngebahas ttg Paris *kotanya, bukan selebritisnya* dan yah.... jadi pengen banget pergi..huhuhu... di Paris ada satu malam di bulan Juli yang disebut "Paris Nuit Blanche" (Malam Putih Paris) dimana orang2 gak tidur semalaman karena atraksi2, museum2 dibuka sampe pagi. Wah.....
In any case, makanya itu bahasa prancis bahasa yang indah... daripada blg "Seminggu kemaren gw begadang mulu..." ato "I didn't sleep much last week" atau "Wo bu shui jiao ing wei wo you hen duo gong zhuo.." kan keren kalo blg "Moi, j'avais beacoup de nuits blanches derniere semaine..." *I had many white nights last week.*
Hahaha...yah tapi bahasa Indonesia tetap paling puitis, deh...wahai kawan-kawanku, kuatkanlah dirimu menghadapi malam-malam putih...
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