Getting very excited at the prospect of going to my new firm, learning new things, working with new people - and new materials! - that I was thinking unwittingly to myself: "Hmm.. but I can only pour myself out into my work while I'm single, right.. Since design work needs a lot of time, dedication, a lot of overtime.. And when I am married I gotta take care of my husband, and probably in three, four years I'm gonna have kids and then, I wonder if I can just leave the kids in day care.. But I do want to take care of my family... But I also want to pursue my goal of being an excellent landscape architect..."
At which point I have to catch myself and say, "Dammit Shiela, those kids don't even exist yet! Stop dragging them into your own planning!"
Sigh. It's true, passion is lived day-by-day and I have not even proven that yet, let alone think of how my *as-of-yet-non-existent* kids will influence my *as-of-yet-non-existent* career! ><
"When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible."
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
On Pleasure
"Simple pleasures are often the last refuge of the complex."
- Oscar Wilde
Yesterday morning, in line with my being jobless-at-the-moment, I used up half the day just lying in bed reading. Re-reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. No thinking, "Ah but I need to do something else soon" or "Ah, but this book isn't adding anything of value to my work", "Ah, I need to meet up with friends while I have time" . . .
To add to the perfection of it all, it was raining in the morning and the weather was a cool, cloudy grey.. my favorite chill-out weather..
Read something in 'Eat, Pray, Love' along the lines of, in a world so awash with entertainment today, people are still desperate for pleasures. How true, and how sad. How ironic that, because we have so many choices, we move through all the choices too fast to enjoy any of them. Simple example, the moment my brain kinda knew that I'll have time to read, it reacted with, "Alright, let's go to this library and that library, you want to read this, this, this this and this.. and if you can't find the books, let's browse in the bookstore. Or buy it online. You do know it is vital you read these books to prepare for your next job. Anyway you love reading, you should love reading all these.. blah blah blah.."
I had to tell it, "Ow, shut up. I'd really just rather use the time to REALLY read. And I don't care, I'm gonna read a book about the pleasures of eating Italian food, even if it has no relevance whatsoever to my professional development."
Another example, realized yesterday that it's been some time since I am just really eating - no reading newspaper at the same time, no thinking about the next thing to do, no chatting with colleagues/ boyfriend.. Just forcing myself to be aware of each spoonful that goes into my mouth.. Read in the book 'Mindless Eating' that a lot of people now eat so fast or eat while distracting themselves, the brain does not even know what's going on, much less enjoy the taste of food!
Anyway, after the morning reading, I went out after lunch and spontaneously went to have a reflexology + neck & shoulder massage. I've been feeling so stiff on my shoulders it's beginning to really bother me. Normally, I would be asking The Boyfriend to pound on my muscles (he's good!) but he's also been busy and quite tired lately.
Thinking about it, another key point of having pleasures is that, as much as you can, take charge of your own pleasures. I mean, of course it is nice to be happy because someone else is giving to you, whether his time,gifts, or energy.. But the moment one depends on that, then there will be expectations, and a lot of room for resentment as well.
Case in point: I did request The B to help me massage my shoulders a bit a few days ago, and being the sweet guy, he complied, but because I knew he was also tired, I asked him to stop after a few strokes, and even then felt guilty. Keep this kind of thing up, before long one will feel guilty and unsatisfied. No good in a relationship. So I went to have a massage, paid the fee, has 45 mins of pounding and pressing and kneading, and now I feel awesome and ready to take care of myself and him.
Yeah, just so I won't forget again, here are the 'Three Pillars of Pleasure', Shiela-style:
1. Slow down
2. Keep it simple
3. Take charge
Can't go wrong with those. OK, now to go back to reading. "Simplify Your Life" by Elaine St. James =)
- Oscar Wilde
Yesterday morning, in line with my being jobless-at-the-moment, I used up half the day just lying in bed reading. Re-reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. No thinking, "Ah but I need to do something else soon" or "Ah, but this book isn't adding anything of value to my work", "Ah, I need to meet up with friends while I have time" . . .
To add to the perfection of it all, it was raining in the morning and the weather was a cool, cloudy grey.. my favorite chill-out weather..
Read something in 'Eat, Pray, Love' along the lines of, in a world so awash with entertainment today, people are still desperate for pleasures. How true, and how sad. How ironic that, because we have so many choices, we move through all the choices too fast to enjoy any of them. Simple example, the moment my brain kinda knew that I'll have time to read, it reacted with, "Alright, let's go to this library and that library, you want to read this, this, this this and this.. and if you can't find the books, let's browse in the bookstore. Or buy it online. You do know it is vital you read these books to prepare for your next job. Anyway you love reading, you should love reading all these.. blah blah blah.."
I had to tell it, "Ow, shut up. I'd really just rather use the time to REALLY read. And I don't care, I'm gonna read a book about the pleasures of eating Italian food, even if it has no relevance whatsoever to my professional development."
Another example, realized yesterday that it's been some time since I am just really eating - no reading newspaper at the same time, no thinking about the next thing to do, no chatting with colleagues/ boyfriend.. Just forcing myself to be aware of each spoonful that goes into my mouth.. Read in the book 'Mindless Eating' that a lot of people now eat so fast or eat while distracting themselves, the brain does not even know what's going on, much less enjoy the taste of food!
Anyway, after the morning reading, I went out after lunch and spontaneously went to have a reflexology + neck & shoulder massage. I've been feeling so stiff on my shoulders it's beginning to really bother me. Normally, I would be asking The Boyfriend to pound on my muscles (he's good!) but he's also been busy and quite tired lately.
Thinking about it, another key point of having pleasures is that, as much as you can, take charge of your own pleasures. I mean, of course it is nice to be happy because someone else is giving to you, whether his time,gifts, or energy.. But the moment one depends on that, then there will be expectations, and a lot of room for resentment as well.
Case in point: I did request The B to help me massage my shoulders a bit a few days ago, and being the sweet guy, he complied, but because I knew he was also tired, I asked him to stop after a few strokes, and even then felt guilty. Keep this kind of thing up, before long one will feel guilty and unsatisfied. No good in a relationship. So I went to have a massage, paid the fee, has 45 mins of pounding and pressing and kneading, and now I feel awesome and ready to take care of myself and him.
Yeah, just so I won't forget again, here are the 'Three Pillars of Pleasure', Shiela-style:
1. Slow down
2. Keep it simple
3. Take charge
Can't go wrong with those. OK, now to go back to reading. "Simplify Your Life" by Elaine St. James =)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
On Escape and Relief
Phew..
Phhheeeeeeewwwwwwww..........!!
Today is the first day of not working since I quit my job 2 weeks ago. It feels great. It feels great though in quitting I broke my scholarship bond (supposed to work there for 2 years), made my parents bail me out, and had to go back on my words of 'If I can just pass these two years.. I'll be a stronger, better human being!'
So I had to ask myself, 'Am I not a strong, good human being now?' After spending so much time talking myself out of quitting, listing reasons to stay, coaxing my brain to think, 'It's not so bad, you can surely go through this if you want to, and telling myself it's not the 'right' thing, I finally did it. And it felt so right to get out of there that I couldn't even care what my own self thinks about 'being a good human being' (much less what others think!).
In quitting the job, I found a different kind of courage, different set of lessons. I learn that, though goals usually consist of really wanting to do something, it can also be really wanting NOT to continue doing something, and that goal can be just as worthy of thought, energy and effort.
I learn that I can create a choice, and I chose to leave at risk of people around me questioning how can I be so fickle and just stayed on the job (first job!) 10 months, what's more with the scholarship obligations. Believe you me, facing other people is a trivial thing compared to facing my own conscience day in-day out, asking how come I have turned into a hypocritical, stressed, complaining, bitter, unhappy employee... and let that go on!
Oh, of course I learn that what I conveniently label as 'what other people think' is really my own fear of not measuring up to my own so-called standards, and damn it feels so liberating just to be honest to myself about it.
After giving myself much pep-talk of 'You know, your own happiness is internal.. No matter what happens to you, you shouldn't let that affect you.. Your attitude determines your latitude.. ect etc', I learn that there are some battles in life just not worth fighting for, that I'm better off using my energy to fight other battles (or to just plain be happy!). I learn that, unhappiness is real no matter what inspirational quotes say, and it's legitimate to deal with it by changing your attitude AND your surroundings.
Some bitterness remains, yeah.. How does one not be angry towards an organization that exists to make people think they are capable of delivering much more than they actually can do (otherwise known as, 'cheating the clients' ), and to exploit the employees?
Ah, but.. I am no longer part of that organization.
It feels plain awesome.
Phhheeeeeeewwwwwwww..........!!
Today is the first day of not working since I quit my job 2 weeks ago. It feels great. It feels great though in quitting I broke my scholarship bond (supposed to work there for 2 years), made my parents bail me out, and had to go back on my words of 'If I can just pass these two years.. I'll be a stronger, better human being!'
So I had to ask myself, 'Am I not a strong, good human being now?' After spending so much time talking myself out of quitting, listing reasons to stay, coaxing my brain to think, 'It's not so bad, you can surely go through this if you want to, and telling myself it's not the 'right' thing, I finally did it. And it felt so right to get out of there that I couldn't even care what my own self thinks about 'being a good human being' (much less what others think!).
In quitting the job, I found a different kind of courage, different set of lessons. I learn that, though goals usually consist of really wanting to do something, it can also be really wanting NOT to continue doing something, and that goal can be just as worthy of thought, energy and effort.
I learn that I can create a choice, and I chose to leave at risk of people around me questioning how can I be so fickle and just stayed on the job (first job!) 10 months, what's more with the scholarship obligations. Believe you me, facing other people is a trivial thing compared to facing my own conscience day in-day out, asking how come I have turned into a hypocritical, stressed, complaining, bitter, unhappy employee... and let that go on!
Oh, of course I learn that what I conveniently label as 'what other people think' is really my own fear of not measuring up to my own so-called standards, and damn it feels so liberating just to be honest to myself about it.
After giving myself much pep-talk of 'You know, your own happiness is internal.. No matter what happens to you, you shouldn't let that affect you.. Your attitude determines your latitude.. ect etc', I learn that there are some battles in life just not worth fighting for, that I'm better off using my energy to fight other battles (or to just plain be happy!). I learn that, unhappiness is real no matter what inspirational quotes say, and it's legitimate to deal with it by changing your attitude AND your surroundings.
Some bitterness remains, yeah.. How does one not be angry towards an organization that exists to make people think they are capable of delivering much more than they actually can do (otherwise known as, 'cheating the clients' ), and to exploit the employees?
Ah, but.. I am no longer part of that organization.
It feels plain awesome.
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