The Trees - Philip Larkin

The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too.
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
In fullgrown thickness every May.
Last year is dead, they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

All the world's a page!

This year, project RLH (read the update here and here) is on again! Been reading some good books lately since the end of studio, and the book list for April will be up soon.

Holidays + rain + books.. I can't be happier =)

Stair-y eyed! *.*

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how my house stairs will look like when I get to design my own house =D

View from above:


Ain't it grand?

Bits of April....

Somehow a lot of thoughts are swimming around in my head.. I guess this post is just cataloguing them in an attempt to organise my messy, messy mind haha..
___
Studio has ended! Wow! Honestly I have mixed feelings.. Feels like it just passed in a blur, at the same time, that it has dragged on for so long.. I feel relieved because it has ended, frustrated because again I didn't learn anything much, confused because I wonder if it's my fault or my tutor's fault that some periods of the studio were just a mess, and that not much came out of it in the end.. Still I'm glad that I did what best I could.. I fought, fought, and fought when giving up was the easy option. (At one desperate point I calculated whether my CAP would still be ok if I just slacked and aimed for a D grade..Haha.. It would! But am glad I didn't take that easy way.) In a weird way this semester taught me to be humble, because it was just so difficult to grasp what's happening in the studio, and to predict my tutor's reaction, that I had to throw away any confidence I have in my design and even myself. Well studio might not have been great, but yeah ok maybe with a bit of a stretch I can say it was good.

Still, one of the jury for the final critique panel was my old tutor who inspired me so much.. His studio was the time when I stayed in school the most often, usually two, three days in a row even on weekends, yet I felt so much satisfaction at the end of it.. When he was sitting there amongst the judges I felt like just kneeling down and begging him to accept me back to his studio hahaha.. Oh well, but even if I'm not on fire for studio, I do enjoy learning about plants and landscape, and I'm looking forward to working in this field. Guess that settles it.. One more year of struggles!
__
I'm 24 now! Hm.. I don't feel any different ahaha..(Though the other day someone said I have "blossomed".. wooow.. such a compliment!) Should've posted something on my birthday I guess but that was in the middle of final design, assignments etc. Glad for my 24 years so far.. Been a really good life, blessings upon blessings.. cliche as it is, I guess what's left is to be more of a blessing for others.. Make 'm laugh, as I've often tried to do =D
__
Official capoeira training is now limited to once a week in headquarters, no more NUS session (About the only bad thing in this long-awaited holiday), and I feel rather restless.. Too much energy during the week though come Friday I'll sweat and pant it all out! Still need lots of practice with the basic kicks.
___
Wonder if I put too much private material in this blog, though I'm ok with people reading it. The weird part comes when people whom I don't think I know well, or know me well, starts talking or chatting to me about things I write in my blog.. (In case you're sensitive, if you were amongst my secondary school friends, JC friends, architecture friends, french friends or ex-travel partners, if I've talked to you about personal problems before, then rest assured I don't mean you). It's just weird, because for me, reading someone's blog and knowing that person well is really not the same thing, and asking personal questions without knowing someone well is a bit too much.
__
Love the weather these days. Perfect for sleeping, reading, and night swimming.

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
___
We all need something to reminds us again, that being noble is worth the trouble! (Well, mostly..)

It is What It Is

What it is

It is nonsense
says Reason
It is what it is
says Love

It is unhappiness
says Caution
it is nothing but pain
says Fear
It is hopeless
says Insight
It is what it is
says Love

It is ridiculous
says Pride
It is careless
says Caution
It is impossible
says Experience
It is what it is
says Love

Erich Fried

Archi stuff from a non-architect..

Supper after capo-training *rest well, poor legs..* and a senior was talking to me about the book The Fountainhead by Ann Ryand. Will hunt the book tomorrow, but this is what he said,
"You know, after reading the book it feels like now I know a lot about architecture.. She said, If you design a building and one person out of ten likes it, you are successful because that is design. If you design a building and nine out of ten people like it, you fail, because that is mass production."

. . . . huhuhu it just adds to the complexity of becoming an architect!

Wanderlust..

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness..."
- Mark Twain

The holidays are coming! (A friend told me, though, "You gotta get over your mistress first..")
Ah well, freedom is virtually 5 days away.. Yay!

Anyway, in line with my newfound appreciation of Singapore, actually I fully intended to just stay here and take it slow.. I imagine having lots of time to raid the library, to revisit my favorite ulu places around the island, to take up French and Mandarin in my own time again, to sketch, to paint, play the piano, cook..

BUT! Some capoeira people are planning a trip to Bangkok and inviting people along.. I thought, well, why not, since it's just a 4 days trip. Then..I went browsing for Thailand travel guides in the library...and it made me want to backpack large swathes of Thailand hahaha.. After all, we might as well make full use of the carbon footprint of our flights, right?

So then.. Somehow a thought popped into my mind: "Hey what about Cambodia? Angkor Wat?" I looked at the book shelf.. Tons of books about Thailand, but very few about Cambodia.. That settles it: Cambodia here I come! Previously, hesitating whether to go because I couldn't find a travel partner. (I'm bold enough to backpack Cambodia alone, but I don't have the guts and the heart to tell my parents I'm backpacking Cambodia alone huhu..) That's settled for now, though,a friend's joining me and I think it'll be great fun! Yay!

Wwll, what's 2 weeks of travel in 3 months, I thought.. Then, some friends were talking about the Shanghai World Expo and before I realized it, I was sms-ing my dad, "Dad, what do you say we go to Shanghai to see the World Expo?" My fingers moved on their own I swear! Dad's reply "Of course! You take care of the timing and tickets." I gotta admit that having a Dad that dotes on you and likes the same things you do is kinda nice.. I was already imagining going down museums and checking out old buildings with my Dad telling me Chinese history...

...when my mom calls, "Ching you're going to Shanghai with Dad? I'll join you. Let's go to Suzhou as well.." Waa.. Told my mom that the condition for her coming along is: "No shopping" hahaha.. This will be a cultural and history trip since both me and my Dad are Chinese culture fans =D

...so much for staying in Singapore hahahaha... The whole month of June I'll be hopping around: Sg - KL - Shanghai - Suzhou - Hangzhou - Shanghai - KL - Sg - Bangkok - Siem Reap - Phnom Penh (?) - Bangkok - Sg... plus maybe some Northern Thailand or Canmbodian cities.

Oh, wanderlust!

Salmao...

Salmao means salmon in Portuguese.. so, what's with salmons, you ask?

The story goes, capoeiristas who have gone through their batizado ('baptism', or the first time they play with a mestre and is taken down in the roda) will get an apelido, a nickname, and it's usually the name of an animal. For example, some of my seniors are called Bat, Owl, Frog, Cat, Duck, Cheetah etc, in Portuguese. Few days ago, a capoeira senior told me, "Well, I'm not authorised to give out apelidos, but if I am, I've got one for you.."

..and it's Salmao! Hahaha.. Well no complaints since they're one of the most persevering animals around, but when I asked him if that's the reason for the apelido (I was telling him about my struggle in the studio, coming up with a new design each week and trying to persevere through it all..), he said, "You're supposed to fish it out for yourself. Pun intended.' Hmph.

Anyone wanna suggest their thoughts on similarities between me and salmons?

Last official capo training this semester... hiks..

Yesterday night was the last NUS Capoeira training this sem... so we had a long, long roda playing with all the graduating seniors, the exchange students going back to their country, and our members who are going for exchange, followed by full-fledged supper session talking nonsense haha...

Cliche as it is, in the middle of the long roda, while clapping, singing and watching the great game *The seniors' kicks were just fast and furious!! Aaaaa!!), I know I'm gonna sorely miss capo trainings.. Somehow it has become a habit that Mondays and Wednesdays I sweat it out with the capo gang,finished with supper cum "bonding".. Granted, there's still headquarters training on Fridays, but hey the axe (energy) is just not the same..

Gonna miss the graduating seniors.. As they go into the "dog-eat-dog" world (quoting the farewell speeches yesterday), we won't see them that often in the NUS roda.. These people who turned us from shy juniors watching the jogo (game) in awe from the sides, into budding capoeiristas who boldly and excitedly receive the kicks while delivering some of our own.. who very quickly embraced the juniors into the fun, easy-going circle that is NUS Capoeira..

Well, well, my friends would know that I am a bit wary of Singaporeans since getting to know quite some people who only come when they want help and are just too fiercely competitive.. so here's my mark of respect and admiration for NUS Capoeira: I love each and every Singaporean member in there hahahahaha... (of course the non-Sgs too!) There's just an easy-going-ness about them that I look forward to enjoying every training..

..or maybe that's the magic of capoeira...

That aside, at least with no more training I'm free to abuse my body for a week to keep up with submission demands.. Coffee and minimum sleep, hours sitting in front of Photoshop... here we go again...

Bye-bye, Capo.. Hello, Crit...

Orang yang kucari...

. . . adalah "orang yang bisa membuat hidupku tenang, yang bisa meredam ledakan-ledakan jiwaku, yang bisa membuatku tetap jadi diriku di manapun dan di saat apapun aku berada.. orang yang bersedia mengerti keanehanku, yang menerimaku apa adanya, yang bisa mengikuti sayap-sayapku yang selalu ingin terbang, kaki-kakiku yang selalu gelisah, sekaligus selalu membuatku ingin pulang kepadanya. Yang bisa membiarkan aku berloncatan kesana kemari, memberiku keleluasaan dan kebebasan yang besar sehingga aku bisa berdiri menantang angin, tapi juga tetap bisa berlindung kepadanya di saat badai. Orang yang bisa menerima bahwa aku ini berada di tengah-tengah dua dunia - dunia tradisional oriental dengan segala kesungkanan dan tata krama dan ikatan persaudaraan dan kemunafikannya sekaligus dunia modern yang bebas merdeka dengan segala keegoisannya." *

*Diambil dari blog seorang geolog perempuan Indonesia.. dan kaget karena tulisan ini benar-benar menggambarkan apa yang ada dalam kepalaku. Pernah sekali aku bertemu orang yang seperti itu, dan itu sudah kuhitung keberuntungan yang luar biasa. Di satu sisi, aku ingin tahu apa ada orang lain yang akan melengkapiku seperti itu, bahkan lebih. Di sisi lain, aku yang mengagungkan 'pengalaman' puas karena sudah pernah mengalami, dan karenanya bertumbuh dewasa.

Hidup.. Aku bahagia... =)

Capoeira continued..

Capoeira.. has made my life better in unexpected ways.. I'm surprised too at how positively it influenced me, especially since I just went into it spontaneously because the club schedule fits mine this semester. (It's proven once again that the decisions that made a lot of difference in my life are often made on a whim huhu...)

One thing is that, capoeira has calmed me down.. Literally, after each session my body feels tired in a contented way. What with the music, the camaraderie and the energy of the roda bringing me into a high, post-training I feel like I had just been shouting on top of my lungs to release some stress and so I voluntarily go into "quiet mode"...

It has calmed me down in a sort of mental-emotional way too.. My friends would know that I am a rather restless person, especially regarding staying in Singapore for too long haha.. Inside me there's a deep need to explore, discover new things, find the unusual.. Which I cannot satisfy in Singapore, but in a funny way, I find all that in capoeira for now.. Like, instead of discovering places I'm discovering things I can do with my body I've never had confidence to try before (bridge! and in the process of learning cartwheel and handstand hehe..). It's such a good channel for all my restless energy that this summer holiday, while waiting for the result of my internship application in Beijing, I'm really thinking I should just give up the internship and stay in Singapore to practice capoeira.. Creepy.. I even think that it's okay if I don't travel at all and just stay for 3 months in Singapore.. I tell you, anything that can change my "Singa-phobic" mindset this far is pure magic hahaha..

Capoeira.. makes me love my body haha.. Well, I've always believed in living healthy, eating nutritious food, exercise etc, but this is the first time I stick to a quite vigorous exercise routine for some time, and am so glad I did! The first few weeks, I can feel my arms toning up (the beginning of biceps! Yay!) so I'd just be narcissistically feeling my own arms several times in a day hahahahahaha.. Other side effects include firmer thighs and a rather flat stomach..But it might just be my imagination.. Seriously, though, one of my seniors was talking about body-builders who have such bulky, glistening muscles but can't even reach out far because the muscles are too tight.. and said, "Don't train your body based on what you want it to look like, but on what you want it to do." Wow such a change of mindset! I love my body because it allows me to do many things, and I hope this repertoire will continue to grow as I become a better capoeirista!

Capoeira.. empowers me.. Well I don't know if it's capoeira per-se or just the fact that I now exercise regularly, but the energy level I have is very, very useful for studio.. I've been having some rough weeks with my tutor and honestly it sucked out all my energy and optimism.. After a bit of roda (a kind of capoeira sparring) though, I'd feel a lot better and not so mentally drained.. Am very thankful that..

Ah, and of course it 'forces' me to take better care of myself.. Like, me being an archi student, the tendency is just to work work work especially when an idea grips me.. I'd work till 3, 4 AM then feel a bit dazed the next day.. Capo made me think twice about abusing my body that way because, hey, I cannot be dazed in the roda! Went to a training session with such a lack of focus once that when other people were kicking I was basically just turning around huhu.. So yeah, new habit, no late nights the day before capo practice, and it's great incentive to manage time haha..

Plus, I force myself to drink milk *Ewww... but necessary to build muscles what to do..*. Oh, and still regarding food.. Having regular exercise make meals more enjoyable.. It's a whole "I'm-rewarding-myself-cuz-I've-been-good" thing and I see nothing wrong with that.. Bimbo-ish as it sounds ,the freedom to eat what I want without fear of getting fat is SO liberating! And the first bite of food after rigorous training session is just.. Ahhhh....

Lastly, the best part of capoeira: fellow capoeiristas! Still wondering how come so many fun people conspire to all gather and join one CCA haha.. probably has to do with capoeira's Brazilian roots.. The people in the club are the ones that make me eager to go to each training session, and just brings a whole load of fun.. Capoeira is unique in this way because in the roda seniors and juniors will train together, no matter what level, and it bonds the whole club.. I still do solitary exercises like jogging and night swimming since it makes me relaxed before I sleep.. but for the ultimate high.. CAPOEIRA!

A bit of relief..

... because da mistress is back in my arms... Fiuh!

Was very nervous before studio this afternoon since it's been 5 weeks of consecutive slamming (i.e. whatever design and analysis I presented was rubbish), and it really shook my confidence as a design student.. I mean, at one point my tutor was asking, "Do you understand what we are saying? Is it communication problem?"

Huhuhu...

Aaaaanyway, sms-ed a friend to ask for moral support, and this is what he said, "Haha.. at this point in time, Jesus was having it rough too. Worst came on fri for Him but when sunday came he was partying HARD.. my take on holy week ;p"

Wow.. ok studio is indeed a minuscule thing compared to crucifixion! But the sms reminded again that God is around.. As much as I struggle with believing a lot of things in the Bible, I still find life is more meaningful when I believe in Him.

Hufh... anyway studio went pretty good and I've now somewhat recovered my motivation to design.. All is well! It felt as if a curse has been lifted, really, and a very heavy load removed from my shoudelrs.. For the past few weeks, can't really focus on anything except thinking about studio and what the h*** went wrong.. Couldn't read non-archi books, didn't have any desire to learn French and Mandarin, didn't feel like doing anything for the other modules.. Quoting dodo bird, "Careful.. Archi consumes you from inside and then suddenly nothing's left". Freaky and exaggerated as it sounds, it can be true sometimes.

Ah well, my oh-so-sexy mistress is holding my hand again.. C'est vraiment belle, la vie!