That Special Someone

"The idea that you can only be complete with another person is evil."
- Celine, from the movie Before Sunset

"The soul needs beauty for a soul mate. When the soul wants, the soul waits."
- Bono

Hmm....the quote by Celine keeps replaying in my mind and somehow I really wanna analyse it... Oh well, I think there are two interesting extremes in the question whether a person needs another to be happy, be satisfied, be complete...And of course we're not talking about just friends here but someone special that we would want to spend our live together with.

On one extreme are people who thinks that they are fine alone, or at least it is better not to get too attached to people. To them, the concept "soulmate" is just that: a concept. They don't even think they need a special someone, let alone a soulmate. I admit that I tend to side with this half...which comes from being independent and "alone but not lonely" for a pretty long time (22 years..yeah man I'm getting old...) Maybe it comes from having a lot of friends and interests to fill my time, but I've always felt that finding a life partner is just one aspect of life, and not a very high priority one..think something like, "If I find someone, good, if not, I'll be a cool architect cum adventurer who travels around the world.' (Now please don't tell my mom that...) Of course, it comes also from being afraid to hurt and get hurt by another person, to get vulnerable, emotional and messy...Life's so much easier when lived just for oneself....Hmm...somehow I still want to believe that a person can still be happy and fulfilled alone, but I remember Kahlil Gibran's poem, that without love one will "laugh, but not all of your laughter; weep, but not all of your tears." Travelling around Europe, I've been meeting and talking to many people living alone and I admit that probably growing old alone kinda sucks, even if I were somewhere in the tropics doing orang utan conservation work and living life to the fullest. One thing I notice: a person without someone to love, no matter which age, will try to fill his/her life with meaningful activities-charity organisations, volunteering - generally trying to be busy in a nice way. So maybe it's true after all, one finds meaning in learning to loved and be loved, and life's not complete without that.

Now, there is the other extreme: the person who is convinced that there is one, and only one, and just one, person who will make one really fulfilled in life. The concept of the soulmate, as I've said. Well....I don't really believe in a soulmate because I think with the number of people in this world there has to be at least several who click really well with you. I mean, just one? Out of 6.72 billion? C'mon... But anyway, if there is such a thing as a soulmate ,in my opinion the only way to meet a soulmate is by divine intervention. Either that or really, really, really, unbelievably good luck. First, there's the problem of meeting the right person, being at the right place,at the right time. Second, how to recognize the person meant for you and how to convince that person you are his/her soulmate. Third, what if your soulmate, your one and only one, decides to choose another person?!
Combine the probabilities and I'd say the odds are pretty slim. Most people I know who believe in a soulmate, actually, are fellow Christians who believe in a God-ordained meeting, because that seems, logically, the only way to overcome the odds.

Hmm... still doesn't answer the question of whether the idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil....What I figure though, is that it's pretty evil to pressure someone to find a partner if he/she is comfortable being alone, by "teaching" them the above idea. As evil as forcing someone who is very social and very dependent on people to be alone.

Well, I believe that to be able to love someone else well a person has to feel complete in his/herself so he/she won't be too dependent on the partner. A person has to come complete with his/her (dang this politically correct two pronouns thing is troublesome..) own interests, strengths, experiences, goals, personality traits, and continue to develop as an individual even after getting together with someone...because to stop growing in such a way means one will get more and more boring... and how then, without our own special things to give, can we ever hope to "complete" another person? I remember an analogy I read quite long ago..that too many people are being half-full glasses, expecting their partner to fill them up..but hey, if you pour a glass that's half-full to another glass like that..well..one would be full and the other one completely empty. Not a good sign, I'd say.

So dear readers, which glass are you? Full? Half-full? Or *gasp!* empty...?