The T-Rex Approach to Romance?

"..a theory that Luke and I have learned this year about the T.rex: that it didn't actually BITE at all but just grabbed and tore at its prey, half the time leaving it just wounded, but with enough toxic T.rex slime in the wound to infect fatally. All the T.rex had to do was follow the poor sick guy around and watch until he dropped."
- Adam Gopnik, Paris to the Moon

Hm... wonder if there's a way to attract a crush that entails just doing one thing, leaving the person, and just wait till he/she 'falls' .. haha.. Would a perfectly suave pick-up line delivered in perfect timing do that? Nah..

That's the thing about relationship, even just the beginning of relationship.. by its very nature of forcing us to continually relate to another person, it demands constant, unrelenting attention..

Still, I'll explore the possibility of the T.rex approach a bit further... ^^

On Clubbing

"Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time. Serenity, that nothing is."
- Thomas Szasz

Few nights ago, I could not go to training because of my injury, so I went for dinner with the CS peeps instead. Great crew, great conversations - as often happens when almost everyone has a different nationality - and then someone said, let's head out for a drink.

Now, I'm glad to enjoy drinks with friends, but I've never drunk in a club, just because I don't like crowds. I.e: I've never went "clubbing", just because I've never sought out the opportunity and totally had no idea what that entails. That day, though, I did not really care because.. I had to get rid of that gnawing, irritating feeling that I could not train capoeira. (I know this is silly, but it's true.. Capo is a serotonin fix and I needed to get my fix from somewhere else.)

Turned out, clubbing was totally the wrong substitute.. Entered the club, obligatorily marched to the bar to get my beer, then joined my friends.. Listened to the deafeningly loud music, then the live band, shook my head and body a bit... and ended up wondering... uhm.. Is there all there is to it?

Because, you see, it might just be my fault but I got the feeling that clubbing is just incredibly, incredibly boring.. and that's even counting the fact that: 1.I was with a great bunch of people whom I'd really like to know more (the loud music kinda dashed all hope of a proper conversation), 2.beer was free-flow (I like the taste of beer, but there were just too many people around the bar), 3.the band was great and the selection of songs was cool (though too loud).

In the midst of all the boom 'n gloom (boomz n' gloomz, if you like Ris Low), a friend spoke into my ear, "THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO FORGET PEOPLE!!"

Hmmm... is that the point of it all? It's incredible that one comes to such a packed place just to feel lonely, but yeah, what with the alcohol, dry-ice smoke and strobe lights, that might just work..

After almost two hours, I finally made my excuses because I could not stand the boredom anymore.. I mean, watching drunk people getting it on, fat old lao wais struttin' their stuff alongside their nubile Asian girlfriends were actually pretty interesting, but you can't depend on that for long...

Well, it also made me think, "Will I be like all the other clubbers at one point in life? You know, bored by the routine of work, too tired to think where to spend time, no family, friends can't really spend time with me, so heck let's 'go clubbin'?" That freaked me out.. Having an almost pathological fear of boredom, I'll be doomed the day I "don't know what else to do, let's go clubbing.' huhuhu...

Ah well.. Bear in mind, dear Reader, that this really is an amateur opinion, just my two cents' worth. No offense whatsoever to clubbers out there, in fact I salute you for being able to bear hours amidst those boomz!

On F*ck

Was reading about swear words (can't remember where though) and how they used to really mean something.. It was an article about a guy lamenting that, in his time, when someone used swear words, he will get attention right away.. you know that the situation was getting serious and that was a warning to tread carefully. These days, however, people throw around swear words like it's really nothing.. Another studiomate said before, swear words are like punctuations that should be sprinkled all over.. Still another said, 'F*ck* is supposed to replace noun, verb and adjective all at once. (As in, "F*ck you, you f*ckin' f*ckface!")

Hmmm... reading that made me reflect on how I'm so used to the F word now that I hardly give a thought if someone said that around me.. When I first came to Singapore *Ahh the old days when I was an innocent snowflake.. haih..* I would really flinch when someone said it.. Up till JC time, I was forcing one of my classmates to say "Fiddlestick" instead of "F*ck" in my presence hahaha.. Somehow, thanks to certain beliefs I held, I partly judged a person's morality based on their tendency to say the word, "F*ck"...

Fast forward to university.. And the climate in Architecture is such that there are just too many occassions that merits saying the word "F*ck".. From rejected proposals, having to stay over on weekends, spilled ink, injured fingers when cutting models, running out of model materials, three deadlines in a week, etc etc etc.. Even the tutors say it sometimes... I still remember one of the first nights I spent in studio, I happened to sit near two rather explicit studiomates.. And ended up hearing more "F*cks" than I've heard the whole of my JC life..

Oh, there was an occassion when I said it too.. Can't remember why, but it was year 1 sem 1 also.. The thing was, it was accidental, but the moment the word came out of my mouth, my studiomates went quiet (They knew my aversion to the F word) and with disbelief in her face, one of them asked, "What did you just say? Did you really just said what you said?"

Talk about impact..

I've progressed (regressed?) since then. I no longer think that the tendency to say "F*ck" has anything to do with one's morality (Unless that particular person happens to have what we call a 'f*ckface'...). I no longer flinch when some friends say 10 "F*cks" in 10 seconds (Oh yeah it happens...) I say it whether accidentally in my mind, or purposely when talking to someone I'm rather pissed with or felt that I had to show my "bad girl" side.. (Hmm.. I didn't realize how silly it sounds till I write it down.. Some self-reflection is clearly needed.. )

Reading that article, however, kinda makes me miss a time where I can take the word "F*ck" seriously, and friends went deathly quiet when I said it accidentally because it seemed it really meant something...

The article went on to say, that because now swear words have lost their impact and meaning, society becomes more violent... As in, if words lose their meaning, then actions will take their place, no? So, to show you're really pissed, just saying "F*ck" is not enough, you gotta go in and bash the guy!

Actually you know what? Starting this moment I'm back to taking swear words seriously.. I want my words to have meaning and impact when I say it, and I still want that reputation of "Don't f*ck with me when I say 'F*ck'!" hahaha..

On the funny side of things, in the Architecture department saying "F*ck you" will not generate much reaction, but what will get people's attention is if you put an architectural term behind the F word.. As in, "F*ck context!" , "F*ck Modernism!", "F*ck Corbu!" (Oh yeah!)

Now that will have an impact for sure!

On Principles

Principles.. can only hold well if there are solid reasoning and foundation behind them.. Since re-examining my beliefs and slowly and agonizingly reconstructing them till now, my propensity to adopt principles and stick to them have suffered as well.

And so, for now, regarding other people I only have two:

1. Don't play with other's feelings

2. Don't lie to yourself

I think those two would already keep my hands full!

On Growth

At last I realize this.. Friends can grow separately without growing apart, but lovers cannot, or can't afford to, since their worlds are supposed to be closely intertwined. This is why I'm wary of long distance relationships.. It's very difficult to grow while making sure the other person knows how you're growing, and meanwhile keeping track of how he/she grows too.. It's distracting, and suffocating.. And isn't the whole point of a relationship is to grow together, building each other up?

Somehow this is a liberating realization, and made it so much clearer to my mind the difference between friendship and relationship! *For the longest time, I thought relationship = close friendship + physical closeness. Needless to say I found out it's not that simple ;p *

The Buffet Theory

As readers of my blog will know, I often try to understand relationships by comparing them to things.. Diseases, organ transplantation, car crash *you never know when you're gonna get hit, and to what extent you'll recover...* etc..

One of my favorite authors compared having a relationship to eating a buffet.. And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense..  There are many flavours to savor, you like some and dislike some.. And someone fussy will of course have more difficulty finding a buffet to his/ her liking..

Then, you might get lucky finding a buffet spread so delicious that you just want to take more, more, more.. Each mouthful just makes you impatient for the next.. However, it won't be good if the buffet's full of greasy, sugary junk food.. Just like a relationship where one party is too focused on another party who might be very self-centered/ abusive is unhealthy.. The key here is to find someone so delicious you can't get enough of him/ her, yet so nutritious that the more you partake of the person, the more you get inspired, grow, become a better person.. *For those wondering if this sentence hints towards cannibalism.. Dude you're sick... Go get help!*

If the relationship ends.. Well, it's really like after a buffet, no? Some are so full they just want to stay off buffets for a while.. Some crave another feast they just plunge into the next available spread.. *Just a note, it's proven that people will eat more in a buffet and become more undiscerning with the food, i.e they tend to eat for the sake of eating..*

Going on, perhaps just like in a relationship (in my opinion anyway), in a buffet one must remember to eat moderately.. Restrain oneself a bit even if the urge is to devour everything.. Make it last as long and as pleasurably as possible!

"You are what you eat."

- general wisdom

On ( The Horribly Horrible Flaws of) Jetstar

Well the purpose of this blog is not to rant about things, and besides rarely do I get ticked off.. But here's is an account of my worst flight experience after extensive travels around Europe, Asia and Australia.. FRIENDS, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND SAFETY, DO NOT FLY JETSTAR. BASED ON THE INFORMATION I GOT, THEIR FLIGHTS ARE ALMOST GUARANTEED TO BE DELAYED, THE PLANES ARE NOT OF GOOD QUALITY, AND SERVICE SUCKS BIG TIME.

Ok here's why i'm now anti-jetstar:
1. when I first came to Australia through Darwin, the connecting flight was delayed 2 hours in the middle of the night, but fine, things happen sometimes, I didn't hold a grudge, but then.. 

2. on the flight back to Sg, i was supposed to take a plane from Cairns to Darwin, then Darwin to Sg. The plane was going to take off from Darwin and halfway through, the pilot BRAKED dammit.. after waiting for half an hour in the plane they told us it's not serviceable and they're gonna try to get another plane. That's 3 hours delay. 

3. Thankfully reached Darwin, but then told that the flight from Darwin-Sg is delayed 5 hours.. so we're gonna board at 23.39.. and we received $10 meal voucher for compensation.. The staff was very unapologetic to the point of seeming rude..

 4. Some people who had flights from Sg to somewhere else tried to work it out with the jetstar staff but were just told "Sorry we can't help you." A lady was in tears, going to miss a flight to Europe just like that.. That's at least S$1000 mind you..

 5. Went to the lounge.. talked to other disgruntled passengers.. funny thing is, there were people from other flights tt were delayed as well BECAUSE THE PLANES WERE NOT IN CONDITION TO FLY.. some things wrong with the engine and radios..

 6. Found out that we all received different amounts of compensation depending on the extent we protested.. some ignorant ones (like me n my bro) received $10, some $100, some $150, one lady received $300.. Jetstar doesn't seem to have a proper management system, if they have it at all.. 

7. Talked to a taxi driver in Darwin n yeah, he confirmed that jetstar is terrible because their flights are often delayed, while when he was late for his flight for 10mins, they told him he could not board. 

I think this combination of bad planes, bad timings, bad service and bad reputation is enough to stay off Jetstar the rest of my life... 

On Immortality, Ending and Meaning

"Immortality - a fate worse than death."

- Edgar A. Shoaff

As a religious believer, I am taught that immortality, life eternal with God by our side, is something truly desirable, if not the ultimate goal of our worldly life, and death. Well, very nearly in my Christian life, I've been wondering about immortality..

First, I wonder how the meanings of things will change, because I think a lot of events, relationships, things, are given greater meaning precisely because they have an ending. Human lives are so precious because death can take it from us any moment. Marriage is bearable because you know there would be one day you would be separated from your loved one. Beauty is desperately sought for the reason it is elusive and fleeting. Not to mention, a lot of things require very hard work to maintain and wouldn't it be utterly exhausting and meaningless to maintain it eternally? An easy, albeit simplistic, example would be school. Architecture school is great fun, but would I enjoy my time in school as much if I know I'd stay in school forever? Would I even have enough energy to keep up with all that's needed? Ultimately, I'd start taking things for granted, work a lot less, think that there's no point in having school, and generally just won't care about it. Replace school with work, marriage, friendship, life, anything.. and I think the resulting downward slip would be the same.

(Maybe this is why Christians are not supposed to find the meaning of something in itself, but instead something is meaningful because it is done for God. Theoretically, immortality will be great because then we will have all the time in the world to enjoy God. )

Secondly, partly thanks to architectural education, I believe variety is the soul of pleasure, and well.. with immortality, logically it will just be more and more difficult to have variety, and hence, to find pleasure. Again, another simplistic example: I think a lot of people can bear getting married and staying faithful because marriage has a definite *hopefully not too long* time period. I bet if people are immortal, there will be so much higher occurence of affairs simply because.. well.. how does it feel to be with one person for eternity ? Heck, it might even be a world where we have "contract marriages".. *What you want ah? 20 years? 50 years? 5 years?* I wonder..

But hey, I'm confusing the ideal eternal world depicted by my religion with my own imaginings about what it means to be immortal.. I guess my thought is: to handle immortality requires strength of character way beyond what we humans collectively have right now... and so I wonder, how does this "eternity" thing work, anyway? Would God change our character just before we're made immortals? Don't think so. Well then, do we become immortal and keep our human flaws? Hmm... what does it mean to be human anyway when Death no longer holds sway?

Of course, the answer is again, "Trust God", and yeah, I know some would say I shouldn't try to comprehend God's plan with a human's brain.. Then again, this human brain of mine is the only one I have!

On the Pleasure of Living (or rather, the lack of..)

"...every minute here is a real pleasure to live, what else could I ask for?"

- P, on living in China

"And in the end, it's not the years of your life that counts, it's the life in your years."

- Abraham Lincoln

Was chatting with a friend when he uttered this kinda deep words.. first reaction: "Dang lucky b*st**d..", second reaction: "Uhm.. when was the last time I felt like that?"

Thankfully after a short reflection I could say that just recently I felt that I really love living, when I was in the midst of my  Malaysian kakis, just cooking, laughing, teasing each other. Nothing like a great meal amongst great friends to bring some joy. 

Thinking further, though, made me realize that I get no pleasure from living in Singapore.. Hufh.. It's not about school, or friends, or food.. Mind you, I have no complaints for that.. It's just the place itself, the physical environment, that I find no  joy in.. When was the last time I went to a place in Singapore and really went "Wow..."? Is there any place here I come back to again, again and again and still enamores me? I find no new experience in this place I'm living in, and that's just why I desperately need to escape into different worlds inside the books I read..

Maybe it's cuz I've been here too long.. Maybe it's my own fault. When I first came here, I thought a lot of positive things.. I could explore anywhere I want late into the night because Singapore's so safe.. I could read as much as I want because of its fantastic libraries.. I could spend so much time daydreaming in the Botanic Gardens.. I could find food from almost anywhere.. But at one point, I just stopped thinking positively because it seemed that I'm trying too hard to make something out of my banal, monotonous life in Singapore..

Maybe it's cuz I've been to many places, started comparing around, and found Singapore wanting.. And over the years, I've come to understand what I'm looking for in LIfe, and safety and convenience are, unfortunately, not my top priorities. (In fact I am somewhat scared that living in Singapore is making me a spoiled brat that cannot survive without air-conditioning.. Clearly something needs to be done...)

In any case, enough moping around. I think one large part of my dissatisfaction also is because I just stop doing things that I enjoy or find meaningful - long walks, teaching english, volunteering, reading children stories - for the silly reason that "I don't have time.."

Isn't it funny how we always seem to end up doing the urgent things, the "need-to-be-done" things, instead of the  important and enjoyable things? So, let's start from there!

Dear reader, can you honestly say to yourself that right now it is a pleasure to live? If not, well, start living, because, as Benjamin Franklin said:

"Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff Life is made of."

P.S. The weird thing is, I have always had this sense that my life in Singapore is just a preparation for something else, somewhere else.. 8 years in this little island, becoming a permanent resident along the way, and I still cannot shake the feeling that I don't belong here, though Singapore's been nothing but good to me..

Hmmmm.....

On Freud

*while randomly browsing books with a friend*

Me: "Ah, a book on Sigmund Freud.. It's pretty cool how he is convinced that everything has its roots in agression and sex.. And if anything goes wrong: "You are sexually repressed!"

J: "Yea his theories are pretty sick actually.. like the one where you're supposed to want to have sex with your mom.."

Me: "Ah, Oedipus complex.."

J: "My psychology friend told me this joke, "I read Freud and I thought his Oedipus theory is bullshit.. until I saw a picture of his mom.."

Me: ". . . . . ."

The Remote Control Theory

I can't help but think that liking someone is like giving them a remote control to control your mood and emotions.. It's up to them to press "happy" or "sad" or "pissed" or "turn volume down" or "be completely hopelessly utterly undignified"... Haih..

And yeah, sometimes we voluntarily hand over our remote control to someone special.. We push it into their hands, even, because they seem to just press "happy"for us  all the time.. Then comes the days when that person, wittingly or unwittingly, seems to press "sad" or "nervous" over and over.. And damn we wish like mad the remote control is back with us, safely tucked away no one can touch it..

Of course, we also hold other people's remotes.. and unconsciously or even manipulatively press on the buttons.. Sometimes, because other people pressed our buttons and hurt us, we have to make ourselves feel better by pressing on those little poor remotes in our possession, hurting others in turn..

Well, after some time, some people get fed up of the existence of these remote controls.. fed up of the fact that they are so easily brought down to their knees by other people.. So, they lock them and never give them away to anyone, giving the impression that they are special beings for whom no remote control was ever created.. Others, just get more and more immune to the buttons, more and more resistant to hurts, but more and more resistant to trust as well.. Still others, are the lucky fellows who found someone more than worthy to safe keep their remote controls, a person who will never, ever intentionally push the little dials to hurt them..

Hm... Actually, after thinking of this analogy, I can't help having an image in my mind of a guy kneeling down, proposing marriage, but handing out not a ring but a small remote control in his hand, saying, "I give the control of my moods, my emotions, my thoughts, my life to you.. You can break or make my day.. Please be careful with this enormous power..." 

And when I see couples walking together in jeans, holding hands, I can't help but notice the remote controls sticking out of their back pockets, snug testaments of what they trusted to each other's care.. And can't help thinking that for some wives, their husbands have given their remote controls to someone else long ago, but she doesn't realize it, or vice versa..

Hufh, to be independent and self-controlled, or to be open and vulnerable.. The choices aren't that great, ain't it?

*Dear readers please pardon the rather depressing tone.. As always, blame it on the rain..*

On Gays

"In more than 70 countries, same sex relationships are illegal. In 9 countries, the penalty is death."

- 50 Facts That Should Change The World, Jessica Williams

Have always wondered whether gays are gays by Nature or nurture.. Which I think for me is a big deal because as a Christian I'm supposed to believe that being  gay is a sin (As it is, I don't have any opinion on it now and am still researching further) Well, if the tendency to be gay is innate, inborn in some humans and then the creator of those humans declare that THEY are wrong... that's a pretty screwed-up system.. That said, some gay Christians believe that being gay AND struggling against their tendencies is a worthy enough calling. (Might not seem to make sense, but maybe it's kinda the same way that normal guys don't just go and touch every girl they find attractive and this very self control, against something which is a natural, inborn tendency, makes them nobler members of society. )

Coming across the article by Jessica Williams, though, made me think. If you can find gays in Iran, in countries where it really is not just frowned upon but viewed as despicable.. then maybe it is Nature after all.. because the society itself does not nurture people to be gay, and if anything, it discourages it - with a  death penalty, no less - and you can still find gays.. Well... Who'd wanna be gay for the heck of it, for experimentation, for fun etc if one gets punished so much by it? So the logical conclusion is that gay people, at least some, don't have a choice regarding their sexual orientation.

Oh well. I wonder. Through all the "researching" I've done, there are actually quite a lot of stands regarding this amongst Christian communities. Some argue that the Bible does not actually say homosexuality is wrong, but was interpreted that way. Some are sure that homosexuality is a sin. Some separates homosexual acts of immorality and homosexuals faithful to one partner just like in a marriage....

Oh well....

"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."

- Charles Peirce

"Why is it that as a society, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

- Ernest Gaines

The Sacrednes of School

D: "Looking back at the last three years worrying so much definitely wasn't necessary.. Architecture's so much easier than we think at uni.."

Me: "You know the definitive point where I just stopped worrying about architecture school? It's when we went to watch "We Will Rock You" at the eve of submission ;p It just totally destroyed the sacredness of submission hahaha... to good effect ;p "

D: "Ye.. tho it didn't seem like it at the time.. I think it was the best idea we had! "

Me: "Tho technically it wasn't an idea.. but I just forgot when exactly was submission when we booked the thing..."

D: "Idea.. mistake.. same thing.."

____

Until I was in secondary school, and even early in junior college, school was somewhat "sacred".. Skipping school was a big occasion, and I probably got the same kick out of it as other adrenaline-pumping activities.. Wonder if it's just in my family, because my parents conditioned my that skipping school is bad from early on... Or whether it's generally like that when we were young? To be fair, my parents just didn't want me to be a bad example for my brothers, and when I was in Singapore without them, they allowed me to skip when I was just fed up with classes.. (I was thinking things like, "What's the point of being smart if I have to do the same amount of school work as other people?" Yeah.. arrogant nerd to the max.. )

University.. is a different matter altogether.. To come to school because I want it and because I love it is a great feeling, but consequently when I don't feel like it, well.. no school for that day hehehe... That aside, being in archi there's just a culture of almost everyone skipping class as submission is nearing.. 

Wonder if it's a dangerous mentality if now for me skipping class is really no big deal.. 

500 Days of Summer, and The One

"The girl of my dreams... has.. you know....big boobs...and like sports better, and be a little hotter..and has a slightly different hairstyle... but Robin.. she's better than the girl of my dreams.. she's real.."

- Paul, 500 days of Summer

*A pretty funny movie - granted it's romantic comedy - where the main character is an architect wannabe that wants to be an architect... and the movie portrays quite well someone who is fascinated with buildings hahaha.. I think that is reason enough to watch it!*

___

And below, a short excerpt of the interview with the director:

Cinematical: There's a terrific scene in the film where a character says, "just because someone likes the same thing that another person likes, it doesn't mean that they're your soul mate." For you, what is it that you think these two people really share or what connects them that either the audience will recognize, or at least Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character responds so strongly to?

Webb: Well, I think that they're both young, they're both single, they're in this work environment where they spend a lot of time with each other, and when you mix that together and they're both attractive people, what else is going to happen? Romance grows from that, from proximity, and he may construe these things as destiny or fate or whatever, but the truth is, I suppose, that it's not uncommon for people to have similar interests, and how much you weigh that is really up to you. My feeling is that Tom reads too much into it.

___

The movie plays with the concept of "The One".. Something that I'm still pretty sure I don't believe in..  Maybe "The One" doesn't mean your soulmate, someone destined to be with you, not even someone that has so many similar interests with you.. "The One" just means someone you really really really want... you want them so much you can't see anyone else beside them, and that's when they become "The One".... Haaaa.... I'm still pretty good at being pseudo-profound, after all hahahaha....

On Hell and Pigs..

Me: "I just read a book today, The Gargoyle, and inside there's this Icelandic character that talks about Icelandic Hell...and the concept is that Hell is bloody cold.. It just struck me as pretty cool.. Maybe if you've spent your whole life in bloody cold weather then a hot hell doesn't seem so scary after all hahaha..."

D: "Surely the whole heat thing in Hell is allegorical.. so yeah.. guess wherever you consider your worst nightmare should be hell.. It's also permanently dark for Icelanders, cuz a friend who went to norway said he became very depressed there because it's so dark.. Maybe it's the same in Iceland.."

Me: "If there's a hell what would yours be like?"

D: "Good question.."

Me: "Mine..hmm... without books at all, no musical instrument, no way of entertaining myself.. I'd go nuts with boredom, except I can't go nuts because it's hell.."

D: "and maybe there should be a permanently empty fridge.."

Me: "Just to torment me further... ok I guess it is the common idea of hell.."

D: "Have you ever seen those videos of pigs in pig sheds?"

Me: "Just photos, and read about it.why?"

D: "They have no stimulation at all cuz they're in the same pen all their life and they just go insane from boredom.."

Me: "WHOA REALLY???"

D: "They start chewing on the metal bars to get some sort of stimulation...."

____

Most enlightening conversation I had today... Am just thankful I don't believe in the Buddhist concept of karma because right now I would be dreading being born as a farmed pig in my next life huhuhu..

On Paradise and Perfection

My tutor was talking about Paradise today, explaining that a lot of gardens are made to mimic "paradise", even though no one knows for sure what is paradise or how exactly does one create it. This being partly architecture class, of course it had to get all philosophical, and we ended up talking whether Paradise is boring..

 Firstly, when one talks about Paradise the image always seems to be this calm, blissful place, where the wind gently blows, the waves gently roll, the clouds gently float...

The thing is, this might mean there will be no excitement whatsoever in "Paradise" , since nothing must disturb this static, permanent condition. Well then, won't it be boring to have such a monotonous state, even if it's such a wonderful state? (Then again, I've never maintained a blissful, peaceful, excitement-less life long enough to know what it feels like..)

 Another thing, since Paradise by definition seems to be a place where everyone is 100% happy..hm..how would it feel, I wonder? I mean, say, if even one person is just 99.5% happy, it won't be "Paradise" anymore? How does it feel to be 100% happy, 100% of the time?

 Hm...a new train of thought.. isn't it funny that most of the people  who ask, "If there is a God, why is there so much suffering in the world?" are usually from comfortable, middle-class life.. the so-called "intellectuals" (ok, am a self-confessed pseudo-intellectual anyway..)

On the other hand, the actual people who are suffering, say in Africa, Middle East, rural Asia, are so open to embrace religion, for example the Christian fervour of rural China and Ethiopia.

 The pattern seems to be that humans under intense suffering hunger for something better, for happiness, for Paradise so much that they just want to grasp at whatever hope they are offered and can't be bothered with the "intellectual" cum "philosophical" questions of whether the Being that gives them hope is the exact same one that allows them their suffering?

 Believer's argument: Human instict is such that suffering will make them closer to God; it is those who are not suffering who can question God.

 Atheist argument: People from these areas are poor and poorly educated, which makes them dumb enough to believe in religion. (Dang I'm getting good at thinking like an atheist. Then again, one must know one's enemies...)

On Exploring the World

"Sometimes I feel like a turtle..."

- Sam, on his backpack, after carrying it all the way from Europe to SEA by 3 months of travel

Two couchsurfing friends from France (whom I met in Vietnam..) visited me recently, en route to Indonesia. The premise of their travel is interesting: from France, they are trying to reach New Caledonie, just because it's supposedly the furthest point from France halfway 'round the world.

Another thing, they are doing the journey without taking aeroplane (which ended up making them take Indonesian ferries across suspect waters..haih.. as an Indonesian I have total respect for them..) and not just that, they are not using mobile phone either.. And so far they have managed to meet up with people they are supposed to meet up with in each country hahaha...

When I asked them why they did it, like why the condition on not taking aeroplane etc, they just answered, "Well because we want to see if it is possible.." , and I think this is the basis of so many human endeavours, of so many adventures, of so many reckless deeds and dangerous expeditions: just to see if it is possible.

Somehow, somehow, it sounds like a really good reason... 

On Education

"The whole purpose of education is to light a candle in you."

- our Materials and Technology lecturer

Hm... the moment I heard her say that, I thought that it's a really good way to describe what the purpose of education is.. Simply put, if education helps you discover what you really want to do in life, it succeeds. If not, it fails.

Imagine students going around your school.. day in and day out, using up practically their youth to do assignments, learn facts, develop formulaes, make models... Amongst this mass of moving bodies, how many would have a lighted candle in them? And if the answer is, not many, then why bother with education? To occupy one's time?

On School

Fiuh! At last I got to write about school! Somehow I didn't get down to it till now..

And school has been....fun....in fact it's even more fun than I expected... Went to a field trip along the Southern Ridges, a nature park area in Singapore made up of mostly canopy trail, n it's a cool feeling walking among treetops for a long, long, long way... and I realise Sg is actually a lot greener than I thought seen from above.. Hm..I can't really put it into words, but to be able to play outdoors and then notice that it's part of school...that's a good feeling hehehe... 

And the lectures...have been a lot more interesting than I expected too... it has just been 3 days but the range of topics covered..well.. learning about environmental pollution, snail's reproductive system, learning about examples of beautifully done landscapes... there's so many books I wanna read now related to my studies huhuhu... 

And the lecturers... well it's generally good omen when most of your lecturers say, "I don't believe in exams, and anyway, I believe that none of you will fail.." hahaha... but yea, it's lucky we have tutors that are very passionate about their fields, very very understanding (as I have proven by running off earlier several times to do this and that stuff, while they still smile and say, "it's ok.."),

and the great thing is because the landscape program is so new, with only 7 students in it, we get a lot of flexibility, like changing lecture time, places, suggesting to tutors the materials we want to learn about... it's pretty cool to be able to kinda "shape" your own curriculum...

And above all... I think there's something special about plants and working with plants.. just because it's a living thing... that well, a building is totally the work of the architect, but a garden...is a collaboration between a person and Nature herself... more things are beyond our control...things grow, bloom, decay, die...

I think, even more than architecture, I get the sense that I can make a difference with landscape, that truly if I master what I'm supposed to master, if I learn how to use the plant palette, learn how landscapes affect the environment, learn how rainforests work, how the tropical climate affect and is affected by plants...I get the sense that I can create something that is beautiful, alive and useful as well...and that's the most exciting part of all!

On Paradise and Pleasures

"For some aesthetic sensibilities, a highly refined vice is far more beautiful than any earnest virtue."
- Robert Pogue Harrison, Gardens, An Essay on The Human Condition

Was reading the above book, on how we look at various kind of gardens form the social point of view, when I came into a very interesting chapter: the difference between paradise gardens from the Western-Christian and the Middle Eastern-Islamic points of view. Apparently, the concept of "Paradise" from the Islamic viewpoint incorporates a lot of fountains, fruits, shade, greenery.. which is understandable since the climate in the region is more arid and consists of vast deserts. However, there is also another element that keeps appearing in the vision of "Paradise" : virgins.

*Ok, disclaimer first. It is not my intention to criticize Islam, seeing as I don't even understand enough about it, so this writing should be taken as ignorant opinions from someone outside the faith.*

Back to topic. Virgins. The book presented several verses supporting the presence of many virgins in "Paradise", e.g. :
Quran: (37:40-48): …they will sit with bashful, dark-eyed virgins, as chaste as the sheltered eggs of ostriches.

Quran-(55:70-77): “ In each there shall be virgins chaste and fair….dark eyed virgins sheltered in their tents whom neither man or Jinn have touched before…”

Quran-(56: 35-36): “Verily , We have created them (maidens) of special creation. And made them Virgins.”


Which, then, made me wonder... I've heard of things like jihadists (Muslim martyrs) being promised virgins in Paradise, etc, but had never questioned them. This is the Hadith (an additional book of Law, but not part of the Quran) verse used to support this fact:
Hadiths: TIRMIZI, vol. 2 states on page 138: Every man who enters paradise shall be given 72 (seventy-two) houris(beautiful virgins); no matter at what age he had died, when he is admitted into paradise, he will become a thirty-year-old, and shall not age any further. A man in paradise shall be given virility equal to that of one hundred men.

The thing is, when men meet virgins of course I assume they don't just chat or eat fruits or run around together... At the end of the day, most probably the virgin won't be a virgin anymore..We don't even know if one men get one virgin or more than one (ok, say 1 to 72), won't Paradise run out of virgins? Especially since we've been having a lot of suicide bombers and jihadists..won't there be a shortage of virgins? (ok I'm using a bit of a mocking tone..haih..but I can't help thinking how silly is this 72 virgins promise)

And well, I can't help but think of an interesting twist.. what if the virgins are supposed to STAY virgins? What if the men REALLY are supposed to just sit, chat, and go no further with these virgins? (Since even touching is considered serious in Islamic cultures) That would surely address the virgin shortage problem, but heck I'd love to see the face of dumbfounded men being told, " Hey you! Nope, no touching. Yep you heard it right. Ah, ah, watch it dude, your nearly grazed the tip of her fingers."

Of course, this vision of "Paradise" also begs the question, why is it so male-centered? What happens to Muslim females who enter "Paradise"? I thought of an answer... Let's begin with the attitude towards females and virginity prevalent in more fundamental Islamic societies.. Single women are only valued when they are virgins, and this does not mean only abstaining from the act of sex itself, but also not being in the same room with an unrelated male, covering themselves up, not speaking with strangers etc etc... A whole list of standards that would make them "chaste virgins", and hence more valued by society.

Now, what if... when a woman enters "Paradise" she automatically becomes young, beautiful and will stay a virgin no matter how many men she slept with? Hahaha.. now that would solve 3 things:
1. the problem of virgin shortage
2. the problem of what are the men supposed to do with the virgins
3. the definition of "Paradise" for women...

Because well, should I be a Muslim woman, the idea of looking young, staying beautiful no matter how much I eat or what I do, and being able to sleep around while still being valued as a virgin doesn't sound half-bad ;p