On the Pleasure of Living (or rather, the lack of..)

"...every minute here is a real pleasure to live, what else could I ask for?"

- P, on living in China

"And in the end, it's not the years of your life that counts, it's the life in your years."

- Abraham Lincoln

Was chatting with a friend when he uttered this kinda deep words.. first reaction: "Dang lucky b*st**d..", second reaction: "Uhm.. when was the last time I felt like that?"

Thankfully after a short reflection I could say that just recently I felt that I really love living, when I was in the midst of my  Malaysian kakis, just cooking, laughing, teasing each other. Nothing like a great meal amongst great friends to bring some joy. 

Thinking further, though, made me realize that I get no pleasure from living in Singapore.. Hufh.. It's not about school, or friends, or food.. Mind you, I have no complaints for that.. It's just the place itself, the physical environment, that I find no  joy in.. When was the last time I went to a place in Singapore and really went "Wow..."? Is there any place here I come back to again, again and again and still enamores me? I find no new experience in this place I'm living in, and that's just why I desperately need to escape into different worlds inside the books I read..

Maybe it's cuz I've been here too long.. Maybe it's my own fault. When I first came here, I thought a lot of positive things.. I could explore anywhere I want late into the night because Singapore's so safe.. I could read as much as I want because of its fantastic libraries.. I could spend so much time daydreaming in the Botanic Gardens.. I could find food from almost anywhere.. But at one point, I just stopped thinking positively because it seemed that I'm trying too hard to make something out of my banal, monotonous life in Singapore..

Maybe it's cuz I've been to many places, started comparing around, and found Singapore wanting.. And over the years, I've come to understand what I'm looking for in LIfe, and safety and convenience are, unfortunately, not my top priorities. (In fact I am somewhat scared that living in Singapore is making me a spoiled brat that cannot survive without air-conditioning.. Clearly something needs to be done...)

In any case, enough moping around. I think one large part of my dissatisfaction also is because I just stop doing things that I enjoy or find meaningful - long walks, teaching english, volunteering, reading children stories - for the silly reason that "I don't have time.."

Isn't it funny how we always seem to end up doing the urgent things, the "need-to-be-done" things, instead of the  important and enjoyable things? So, let's start from there!

Dear reader, can you honestly say to yourself that right now it is a pleasure to live? If not, well, start living, because, as Benjamin Franklin said:

"Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff Life is made of."

P.S. The weird thing is, I have always had this sense that my life in Singapore is just a preparation for something else, somewhere else.. 8 years in this little island, becoming a permanent resident along the way, and I still cannot shake the feeling that I don't belong here, though Singapore's been nothing but good to me..

Hmmmm.....