Oh well...being a person who laughs at almost any situation, seldom would I use the term "disastrous" to describe anything.. but yesterday truly was a disastrous day...
Reason? Got slammed really bad for a group presentation...worse still, it was deserved.. and even worse still..can't help thinking it's my fault.. oh but there's still something worse.. instead of rallying my groupmates and encouraging each other to rectify our mistakes, I think I was totally tactless during the post-presentation briefing that it seemed i blamed some of my groupmates.oh,no, i forgot what's worse: having people think we don't care about our work... *seriously, in archi I guess the lowest, most insulting "label" is to be called a person who doesn't care about the work we do.... because, of course, there's no use being in archi if one doesn't show dedication...* Dang, i forgot one more thing..we disappointed a very good and very kind professor not to mention a very nice and caring tutor... heck... i can't decide which one is worst from all of the above...
haih...i don't know how to rectify the situation either..what's done is done.. can only try to do as much as we can for friday *thank goodness for second chances*.
Anyway, as usual, I overthink and overanalyse the incident during the whole bus ride home, and well...40mins is more than enough time to think what went wrong,lament, feel guilty, feel bad, feel sad, etc etc.. and somehow it all came down to thinking just what was my faults..
Am feeling guilty right now....though it's useless to feel as such..oh well.. it all boils down to me taking the role of organiser, but taking it very half-heardtedly, such that there was just no proper schedule and work ethic in the group..I guess I could say I was just responding to the seeming condition of the group, which I thought was people being reluctant to be organised but are capable enough to do all their parts on their own...Needless to say, I learnt that there are 3 important things in group work: communication, communication, communication.
Haih...
Oh well...anyway here's the list of personal faults *or character flaws, if you please* that I thought of.. a bit weird to put it here..but well, I don't wanna waste the results of a very 'productive' thinking session..
1. Am bad at organising people cuz I don't like to 'control' others *not to mention I think it's very troublesome...*
2.insensitive to people's feelings, often
3.tactless...and am really blunt sometimes..
4. am not serious enough to get people to work seriously
5. talk too much.. and too loud.. *look I do realise this but it's hard to rectify..but if u r annoyed, pass me a bar of chocolate i'll be quietly munching away...*
6.think too much, and act too little..
7. i hate being given a lot of responsibilities..especially if it's also concerning the fates of other ppl.. I thought I've overcome this one but no...
8.didn't tell people what I think when it could've been a good thing..and told ppl what I think when it's too late and became a bad thing..
Haih... there are of course many more but the condemnations I had last night consist of these things...
And one more thing that is disastrous... pernah melakukan hal memalukan, atau di-slam habis2an, di depan orang yg anda pengen punya pikiran baik tentang anda? Rasanya ingin menyembunyikan diri pake hijab *itu loh kostum konservatif wanita afghanistan*, atau sekalian lari ke gunung dan jadi pertapa, atau daftar program transmigrasi ke Timbuktu...
tapi kalo dipikir lagi..justru kejadian2 penuh bencana seperti ini yang membuat kita bisa bedain mana teman yg bisa nerima kita apa adanya.. dan gw bersyukur banget bahwa meskipun gw orangnya suka malu2in *dan ikut menyeret orang2 sekitar untuk turut malu, tentunya* tapi ada orang2 yg dengan lapang dada berteman dgn gw....wah, lapang banget deh dada2 mereka, kalah deh lapangan sepakbola...Keinget satu quote yang bagus: "Those who bother don't matter, and those who matter won't bother.'
Haih....gara2 satu incident jadi mikirin banyak hal... seolah hidup gw di flashback di kepala gw..huhuhu...oh well, sekarang harus kerjain presentation buat jumat..huah....
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