Buckle up, baby!

I am getting soft. And childish. And narrow-minded.

"The quickest way to let expectations ruin your relationship is by moving past the good thing you have and dwelling on the things you want—or the things you think you want."
- The Lady


I guess that's the thing about being in a relationship.. You kind of get used to the other person, get used to all the beautiful moments and the time spent together, and so you start having expectations about what the relationship should be like to stay wonderful.. and then when all that is taken away.. you kind of think it's your right to have those things, and get upset, get hurt, get weak..

K, k, all those 'You' and 'your' prefixes should be changed to 'I' and 'my'. *Sigh*. It's a rather hard balance - being dependent to and vulnerable with another person, and maintaining one's independence. Be too independent when you're spending time together, and you end up maintaining more distance than maybe is good for the relationship, you won't spend that much time to care about the other person because you want to put more time and energy into other things. Be emotionally attached, each other's confidante and best friend, and yes it's true that with intimacy comes certain joy, but then what happens if that person is not available, physically and emotionally, to spend time with you and you feel there's a giant void in your life?

Well, it came kind of as a shock even for myself when I realize just how much I can be an 'all-or-nothing' type.. People close to me.. either has all my attention, or not at all.. Either they make their presence felt, or just leave me to my own devices.. Because it's so miserable hoping for someone to share your days, to the extent that you can't help putting your life on hold. *K girls, this is what happens when you let your emotions take over your brain. WTH looks like my friend Audrey is right, I'm becoming more pink! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *

Ufh.. What a selfish personality.. but now that I've discovered that part of myself.. oh well, gotta live with it. Over the years, I learnt that, for me, even if I'm the heck-care type I like to know about people I care about.. to reach a point where one is just unsure if each is still part of the other's life, a lack of sharing each other's stories, however mundane it is.. actually feels rather miserable, rather toxic, rather crushing...

Gah. Alright, enough moping around. We girls gotta show some girl power ;p
___
P.S. Reviewed this writing a few days after, and having talked about my inexplicable sudden sense of loneliness (Read: PMS) with my S.O... Owwww gosh, it's emo.. >< I'm lucky the S.O is very understanding, and very chill about it all.. Fiuh! No more pink for now!