On Loneliness

It is said that people choose between loneliness and rejection... If they fear loneliness, they seek other people, and if they fear rejection but can bear loneliness, then they'll be loners... I've always viewed loneliness as somewhat like an old friend.. The thing is, I love the freedom and independence that comes with solitude, and loneliness had always been a flip side of the coin I had to deal with.. I cherish my friends, yes, but being alone had never been a problem...

And so... I'm surprised that loneliness can be so thick, so suffocating... that for someone who loves shutting myself up in my room for hours on end, I found myself going out just to be in a crowd.. Lonely still, but at least not alone...

I'm surprised that someone's presence can be felt so powerfully in his very absence.. That almost every little thing I see reminds me of a person and after sometime it just drives me nuts.. That I know things should get better with time but at the same time I don't believe it will...

And so... I know that pain will only go away if we are truly, truly willing to let it go.. but it's surprising how many people hold on to their pain because letting it means also shutting down a part of oneself that holds so many dear memories and timid hopes...

And so... I live one day by one day, trying to get used to that loneliness so I can call it an old friend again, though I know I'll never be as comfortable with it as I've always been..

As always, the usual mantra: what doesn't kill me makes me stronger... and it is only now that I understand, that to be strong against loneliness is to be indeed strong...