On (What Else) Studying Architecture...

"Architects are late bloomers. Most architects do not hit their professional stride until around age 50! There is perhaps no other profession that requires one to integrate such a broad range of knowledge into something so specific and concrete. An architect must be knowledgeable in history, art, sociology, physics, psychology, materiality, symbology,political process, and innumerable other fields, and must create a building that meets regulatory codes, keeps out the weather, withstands earthquakes, has functioning elevators and mechanical systems, and meets the complex functional and emotional needs of its users. Learning to integrate so many concerns into a cohesive product takes a long time, with lots of trial and error along the way. If you're going to be in the field of architecture, be in it for the long haul. It's worth it."

- Matthew Frederick, 101 Things I Learnt in Architecture School

Hit by sudden realization that I'm on my 4th year and I'm only gonna be in school for another 2 years or even less.. Suddenly sad.. Nooooooo...... Hiks... Whichever way I look at it, the climate in architecture school makes me express myself everyday, think about new inventions, learn so many interesting things.. I'm gonna miss it badly.. (sudden determination to maximize my remaining time in school.. Uoooh!!) Remembering all my fantasy projects and larger-than-life concepts.. I don't think at any point in my future life I'll be encouraged to think of bizarre, bizarre ideas and then just playing, trying to make them work... Haih... Plus, am in landscape now.. and though I feel that I can make a real difference more by becoming a landscape architect, I kinda miss struggling with all the complexities of designing a building...

And.... kinda feel like I haven't learn much during these 3 years in archi.. Well ok I learnt much, but not enough.. Not in a "real-life architecture" way.. The quote above calms me down a bit, actually, because well, if most architects don't hit their professional stride until 50, then I have hope.. (Though am wondering whether, after surrendering my youth to archi, now I have to surrender my middle-age period as well.. Hmm...) Oh wow... Now wondering when I'll have my first design built, and what will it be.. Hahaha.. 

Whatever it is... I love archi! =)

Clichéd Paradoxes

"...sometimes, the best way to hold on to someone is to let go..."

- Marian Keyes, The Charming Man

Am glad that this recess week has been what it's supposed to be: recess week. (Rare occurence in Sg..) Major part of the week was spent hanging out with AJ gang - ex-classmates n mostly those bloody malaysians (you know who you are, you know am fond of you ;p ) - and in the midst of nostalgia, lame jokes, lunches, dinners, nonsense and not-so nonsense talks, I realize something I should've realized way, way before, but had never noticed..

Fact: I can only be a good (great, in fact) loner when I have the security blanket of a bunch of great friends.. It made so much sense I wonder why I only fully realize it now.. Being alone, thinking about so many things, is fun, but a major part of the fun also is discussing the things you think about afterwards and see what people think of them.. Shutting myself in my room is calming, but it's calming because my room feels like a sanctuary and not a place I'm stuck in from not having people to hang out with.. Being all smug and secure in my loner-ness (not loneliness anymore, thank goodness) is only possible because I know I can choose to get out of loner-mode anytime and find people to have a laugh with.. 

So, I find it a real stroke of blessing that just when I really need company I found out that some JC mates are living just three bus stops away.. Discovered that last Friday when having class reunion lunch, and the rest, as they say, is history... 

Feel 4 years younger amidst all those piano playing, teacher jokes, gossips and memories.. Feel a bit more mature (or different, at least) seeing how people change, hearing them say I changed, giving each other 'updates' about what's been going on these few years.. 

Just came back from tom yam cook-off and learnt, among other things: best way to dry the water off from cucumbers to make achar is to put them in a gunny sack and run over the sack with a car.... Oh, and also, the wretched state of Malaysian politics.. Tried to compare the wretchedness of Malaysian and Indonesian politics but I can't really reach a conclusion...

Well, it's somewhat a paradox, but nothing beats good company to make you a happy loner!

On Loneliness

It is said that people choose between loneliness and rejection... If they fear loneliness, they seek other people, and if they fear rejection but can bear loneliness, then they'll be loners... I've always viewed loneliness as somewhat like an old friend.. The thing is, I love the freedom and independence that comes with solitude, and loneliness had always been a flip side of the coin I had to deal with.. I cherish my friends, yes, but being alone had never been a problem...

And so... I'm surprised that loneliness can be so thick, so suffocating... that for someone who loves shutting myself up in my room for hours on end, I found myself going out just to be in a crowd.. Lonely still, but at least not alone...

I'm surprised that someone's presence can be felt so powerfully in his very absence.. That almost every little thing I see reminds me of a person and after sometime it just drives me nuts.. That I know things should get better with time but at the same time I don't believe it will...

And so... I know that pain will only go away if we are truly, truly willing to let it go.. but it's surprising how many people hold on to their pain because letting it means also shutting down a part of oneself that holds so many dear memories and timid hopes...

And so... I live one day by one day, trying to get used to that loneliness so I can call it an old friend again, though I know I'll never be as comfortable with it as I've always been..

As always, the usual mantra: what doesn't kill me makes me stronger... and it is only now that I understand, that to be strong against loneliness is to be indeed strong...

Loosely quoted from today's conversations...

"..architecture is like fire-fighting... it's just a matter of moving form one urgent thing to the next.."

-HX

".. yea..and often we don't start fighting before the fire kinda spreads..."

-Ch

On Paradise and Perfection

My tutor was talking about Paradise today, explaining that a lot of gardens are made to mimic "paradise", even though no one knows for sure what is paradise or how exactly does one create it. This being partly architecture class, of course it had to get all philosophical, and we ended up talking whether Paradise is boring..

 Firstly, when one talks about Paradise the image always seems to be this calm, blissful place, where the wind gently blows, the waves gently roll, the clouds gently float...

The thing is, this might mean there will be no excitement whatsoever in "Paradise" , since nothing must disturb this static, permanent condition. Well then, won't it be boring to have such a monotonous state, even if it's such a wonderful state? (Then again, I've never maintained a blissful, peaceful, excitement-less life long enough to know what it feels like..)

 Another thing, since Paradise by definition seems to be a place where everyone is 100% happy..hm..how would it feel, I wonder? I mean, say, if even one person is just 99.5% happy, it won't be "Paradise" anymore? How does it feel to be 100% happy, 100% of the time?

 Hm...a new train of thought.. isn't it funny that most of the people  who ask, "If there is a God, why is there so much suffering in the world?" are usually from comfortable, middle-class life.. the so-called "intellectuals" (ok, am a self-confessed pseudo-intellectual anyway..)

On the other hand, the actual people who are suffering, say in Africa, Middle East, rural Asia, are so open to embrace religion, for example the Christian fervour of rural China and Ethiopia.

 The pattern seems to be that humans under intense suffering hunger for something better, for happiness, for Paradise so much that they just want to grasp at whatever hope they are offered and can't be bothered with the "intellectual" cum "philosophical" questions of whether the Being that gives them hope is the exact same one that allows them their suffering?

 Believer's argument: Human instict is such that suffering will make them closer to God; it is those who are not suffering who can question God.

 Atheist argument: People from these areas are poor and poorly educated, which makes them dumb enough to believe in religion. (Dang I'm getting good at thinking like an atheist. Then again, one must know one's enemies...)

Tentang cuci mayat...

(lagi telpon sama temen di Aussi, ngobrol ttg kerja sambilan)

Me: "Eh tau gak gw nonton film Kambing Jantan, ada kerja sambilan cuci mayat... harusnya bayarannya tinggi kan ya?"
H: "Iya sih, lumayan loh, gw pernah liat iklan gitu, bayarannya $600 per mayat.."
Me: "Whoa.. not bad.. kok lu gak ambil aja tuh kerjaan?"
H: "Tadinya mau sih, but tempatnya jauh gitu dari rumah gw..."
Me: "Hm..tp kerja cuci mayat mungkin gak enak jg yah...well meskipun lu calon dokter n bisa analisa mayatnya ini itu, tp kan masa pas nge-date sama cewe trus dia tny 'kamu kerja apa?' jawabnya 'oh..pekerjaanku menarik banget...nyuci mayat...."
H: "Hahaha...eh tp kalo gw, bukan itu sih yg gw takutin..."
Me: "Apa emang?"
H: "Gw sih takut bosen... habis lama2 nyuci mayat kan jadi monoton toh...."

On Exploring the World

"Sometimes I feel like a turtle..."

- Sam, on his backpack, after carrying it all the way from Europe to SEA by 3 months of travel

Two couchsurfing friends from France (whom I met in Vietnam..) visited me recently, en route to Indonesia. The premise of their travel is interesting: from France, they are trying to reach New Caledonie, just because it's supposedly the furthest point from France halfway 'round the world.

Another thing, they are doing the journey without taking aeroplane (which ended up making them take Indonesian ferries across suspect waters..haih.. as an Indonesian I have total respect for them..) and not just that, they are not using mobile phone either.. And so far they have managed to meet up with people they are supposed to meet up with in each country hahaha...

When I asked them why they did it, like why the condition on not taking aeroplane etc, they just answered, "Well because we want to see if it is possible.." , and I think this is the basis of so many human endeavours, of so many adventures, of so many reckless deeds and dangerous expeditions: just to see if it is possible.

Somehow, somehow, it sounds like a really good reason... 

On Education

"The whole purpose of education is to light a candle in you."

- our Materials and Technology lecturer

Hm... the moment I heard her say that, I thought that it's a really good way to describe what the purpose of education is.. Simply put, if education helps you discover what you really want to do in life, it succeeds. If not, it fails.

Imagine students going around your school.. day in and day out, using up practically their youth to do assignments, learn facts, develop formulaes, make models... Amongst this mass of moving bodies, how many would have a lighted candle in them? And if the answer is, not many, then why bother with education? To occupy one's time?