On Parents

Me: "Well... I guess the important thing is trust.. like, it'll be great if kids can trust their parents, talk about things and stuff.."

PZ: "You mean you don't trust your parents?"

Me: "Not really I think...hmm...like I can't really talk to them..."

PZ: "But that's not about trust... I think trust is about knowing that someone will always be there for you..like, if you get into trouble you know your parents will be there for you. Other kinds of trust.. ok maybe it's nice, but it's secondary.."

Me: "Hmm... yeah I think you're right..."

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Just talked to my father a bit about his worries the whole time I was in Vietnam. Well it was my fault because I stubbornly refused to pick up my parents' phone calls when I was there, as a result of being pissed over my mom's nagging the first day I got to Vietnam...

Argued a bit with my dad over his advices... I asked him how come he acted like he knows what was best for me when I grew up away from home and pretty much took major decisions myself.. At one point, the conversation went like this:

Dad: "We need to sit down and talk..just as friends...I just want you to listen, use my point of view as another consideration..."

Me: "No because you'll only want to make me hear your point of view and influence me.. Our views are to different and I hate it when you try to talk me into following what you want.."

Dad: "...think about it..even if I told you what I want and don't want you to do, when have you followed my advice? In the end you always do what you want..."

I had to smile at this point.. because well, it's true... Despite their naggings, arguments, diagreeings, prohibitions etc... in the end my parents are very supportive over the things I do, at least financially if not psychologically... and even if I arrogantly say that I grew up without their influence, the thought that my parents will always be there to support me and help me made me bold enough to do a lot of things. And I know it must be tough on any parent to have a daughter who often 'disappears', usually when she's in a foreign country, going around with goodness-knows-who, doing goodness-knows-what... Not to mention, that daughter has radically different ideas than you on what Life and proper behaviour are all about...

Man I really have some issues... For a person who often thinks of herself as quite mature, I know I can be super-childish still when dealing with my parents.. Sometimes even as I'm talking to my parents, I realise and dislike my own cocky tone and reluctance to say anything..

And yet it continues....

But am trying to 'make friends' with my dad again, over emails... Hope this works... 

"Your parents are like God because you know they're out there and you want them to approve of your life, still you only call them when you're in crisis and need something."

- Chuck Palahniuk