On Freud

*while randomly browsing books with a friend*

Me: "Ah, a book on Sigmund Freud.. It's pretty cool how he is convinced that everything has its roots in agression and sex.. And if anything goes wrong: "You are sexually repressed!"

J: "Yea his theories are pretty sick actually.. like the one where you're supposed to want to have sex with your mom.."

Me: "Ah, Oedipus complex.."

J: "My psychology friend told me this joke, "I read Freud and I thought his Oedipus theory is bullshit.. until I saw a picture of his mom.."

Me: ". . . . . ."

The Remote Control Theory

I can't help but think that liking someone is like giving them a remote control to control your mood and emotions.. It's up to them to press "happy" or "sad" or "pissed" or "turn volume down" or "be completely hopelessly utterly undignified"... Haih..

And yeah, sometimes we voluntarily hand over our remote control to someone special.. We push it into their hands, even, because they seem to just press "happy"for us  all the time.. Then comes the days when that person, wittingly or unwittingly, seems to press "sad" or "nervous" over and over.. And damn we wish like mad the remote control is back with us, safely tucked away no one can touch it..

Of course, we also hold other people's remotes.. and unconsciously or even manipulatively press on the buttons.. Sometimes, because other people pressed our buttons and hurt us, we have to make ourselves feel better by pressing on those little poor remotes in our possession, hurting others in turn..

Well, after some time, some people get fed up of the existence of these remote controls.. fed up of the fact that they are so easily brought down to their knees by other people.. So, they lock them and never give them away to anyone, giving the impression that they are special beings for whom no remote control was ever created.. Others, just get more and more immune to the buttons, more and more resistant to hurts, but more and more resistant to trust as well.. Still others, are the lucky fellows who found someone more than worthy to safe keep their remote controls, a person who will never, ever intentionally push the little dials to hurt them..

Hm... Actually, after thinking of this analogy, I can't help having an image in my mind of a guy kneeling down, proposing marriage, but handing out not a ring but a small remote control in his hand, saying, "I give the control of my moods, my emotions, my thoughts, my life to you.. You can break or make my day.. Please be careful with this enormous power..." 

And when I see couples walking together in jeans, holding hands, I can't help but notice the remote controls sticking out of their back pockets, snug testaments of what they trusted to each other's care.. And can't help thinking that for some wives, their husbands have given their remote controls to someone else long ago, but she doesn't realize it, or vice versa..

Hufh, to be independent and self-controlled, or to be open and vulnerable.. The choices aren't that great, ain't it?

*Dear readers please pardon the rather depressing tone.. As always, blame it on the rain..*

Friday the 13th (Post Submission Rant)

Actually, this post is just for the sake of posting something when it's Friday the 13th hahaha.. n gotta say it's been a slow, lazy Friday with this constant rain.. Haih.. Had 2 major tests today, and yesterday was submission cum final presentation..and so... VIRTUAL FREEDOM! WOOH!

Gotta say am pretty satisfied with this semester.. I didn't know how I managed to finish it also, doing studio, ArchiTours, learning such different modules as french, management and landscape history (have to switch to different ways of thinking for each assignment huhu..), on top of being emotionally unstable haha.. (mentally sound still, though, in case you're wondering..) And then still having time to finish reading some comics *all available 471 chapters of Naruto wooh!), listened to french podcasts, recover some piano playing skills after not playing for about one year, pester the Malaysians, and.... do house chores huhu.. I know i shouldn't be proud of the fact that I had to do laundry, washing, room cleaning, some cooking etc on my own since it's normal for most people, but let's just say I've been pretty spoiled so far n am glad that I proved to myself I can still produce quite a lot for studio while doing normal chores haha..

Oh wow.. really, I feel that I should increase even more my efficiency next year haha.. *cross finger that I won't become even more emotionally unstable* and actually, the fact that I'm heck busy for some time prevented me from being too mellow and emotional, which is very, very lucky. Didn't read much tho.. not even landscape or archi books.. I don't think I can read much during the holidays also due to the hectic travel plans..

Ah heck, am gonna curl up in bed after this, enjoying the rainy atmosphere, and finish reading the adventures of Becky Sharp in Vanity Fair...

The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion; and so let all young persons take their choice.

- Vanity Fair

Long Live L

"I just can't sit any other way than this. If I sit the way other people do, my reasoning ability drops by 40%."

- L, Death Note

__

Coolest anime character yet invented..

It rains...

...and following my custom rain always mellows me out a bit..hahaha.. and I just found a youtube video of a favorite song during my "I-don't-believe-in-dating-at-all" phase (Wonder what my past self would've said if she had a chance to talk with my current self hahaha...)

Anyway, here it is.. Aah, the good old days when I was a naive romantic...

Maybe Tomorrow - Nouveaux

The heavens paint a silent symphony
As Orion shines for me
Are you there feeling the same as I
Whispering love songs to the lonely sky
And though I don't know where you are
I know you must be there
So for now I'll lay me down to sleep
And dream and maybe tomorrow

I'll kiss the air that covers you -
I'll watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold you safely in my arms -
Maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

I said a prayer for you today
May troubles be far away
And I'll be here on bended knee
Until the day you say you'll marry me
And though I don't know who you are
I know you're beautiful
So for now I'll lay me down to sleep
And dream and maybe tomorrow

I'll kiss the air that covers you -
I'll watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold you safely in my arms -
Maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

I'll be waiting patiently - promise you will wait for me
No one else to hold on to - until I'm holding you
I'll kiss the air that covers you -
I'll watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold you safely in my arms -
Maybe tomorrow

I'll love you more than life itself -
I'll watch the moonlight dance in your eyes
I'll hold you safely in my arms -
Maybe tomorrow . . .

____

Hufh.. the notion of waiting for just one person, never knowing when you'll meet that person.. I remember the disbelief in someone's face, the ensuing ridiculously funny conversation.. the resulting things that follow and the ironic way it makes me think about this whole notion of not dating but just waiting.. Oh the irony.. but I've thought enough about that! =)

Read somewhere that love is like a car crash.. you never know when you're gonna get hit (and whether you'll recover with just a scar, or you'll suffer life threatening injuries, or you just become a hopeless case...huhu..). In my view, an appropriate comparison ;p

Ah well, these rainy days.. Love watching the droplets fall outside the window.. Not to mention the clear and humid air that follows after...

"The best thing we can do when it's raining is to let it rain."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Percakapan Aneh

3:21 PM me: pat pat bagaimanakah kabarmu? hahahah

  ud lama g liat / ngomong

3:22 PM pat: papapapaaaatt

3:23 PM me: hahahaha

 pat: malah manggil nama sndr

  mama

  hahaha

 me: apaan coba panggil2 nama sendiri...

 pat: apa kabar you

 me: kabar i baik lah

  baru selesai semua tugas2 penting i

 pat: kabar i baik jg

  cuma aga malas i

 me: sementara ini i bisa istirahat haha

 pat: wah

  asik dong you

 me: hahahahha jangan malas lah you

3:24 PM tugas final mana pulak boleh malas..betul tak..

  yah asik lah... tapi minggu depan pun i kena work i punya ass off lagi

 pat: zoo bad

3:25 PM tapi paling sedikit you tidak usah kerja kat christmas

  apa sih

  ini bahasa ga jelas

  hahaha

 me: hahahah tak lah

  ini bahasa anak muda lah

  macam kita2 inilah, you tau

  hahahahaha

3:26 PM pat: yooohoooo

  knapa ga dateng pestanya riaaa

 me: ah itu, hari itu i masih sibuk lah..

  tugas tugas i baru selesai kemarin lah...

  seronok kah pestanya?

 pat: kaki i bedarah2 cos of that pest hahahha

3:27 PM me: i yakin pasti seronok lah ya...

 pat: lmyn bererti

  lol

 me: hah serius???? you buat apa dalam itu pesta?

 pat: bukan i lah

 me: you kick semua orang kah?

 pat: oh

 me: ah, i tau

 pat: bedarah cos kaki i terlalu besar lah buat sepatu i

  zzz...

 me: i kena masukkan ini conversation ke dalam blog i lah..

  terlalu aneh lah ini hahaha..

3:30 PM pat: TIZAAAAAKKKK

  MALU MALUKAN SAYA

3:31 PM me: hahahahaha

3:32 PM tak usah malu lah... memang you punya reputasi sebagai orang aneh kan..

  (i juga, actually...)

3:33 PM pat: huaaa

3:34 PM kamu jgn drag i ke zalam your type

 me: apa ini!!!?? maksud you apa my tipe??!!

  tipe tipe i ini sama lah dengan tipe you!

3:35 PM you jangan tipu tipu i lah soal tipe tipe!

 pat: asssishhshahf

 me: hahahaha itu mantra kah?

  pengusir setan bandel macam i? ;p

3:36 PM pat: iyaah

  benar

  hgawiheauehfaiuehf

  you gila ya

  ngapain di rumah

  arkitektur bikin orang gila

  ck ck ck

 me: belajar lah... i kena improve i punya bahasa perancis..

3:37 PM i totally ignore i punya pe-er waktu i buat tugas arsitektur hahaha

  arsitektur itu, memanglah membuat orang gila.. macam kalau sedang dimabuk cinta lah hahaha... gila yang nikmat ;p

 pat: iiiishhhhhh

3:38 PM tidak mabuk cinta

  so how your bahasa prancis

 me: hahaha bolehlah... kalau untuk ngeceng saja cukuplah hahaha

  ngeceng = ngelamun sambil cengengesan ;p

 pat: buat ngmg cepet2 hahahah

3:39 PM me: hahaha...

  hey ok ok, i kena teruskan kerja i punya pe-er lah..

  you pun, banyak pekerjaan kan?

 pat: banyak sekali ni

  tapi malah karaoke westlife

  perlu ganti roommate

 me: ...... i punya screw a bit loose lah!

  salam i buat erlin ahhahahahaha

3:40 PM dan selamat berkaraoke lah hahaha

  ah, i maksud, you punya screw a bit loose hahaha

 pat: walaw

  suddenly talk screw screw

  bikin takut

  hahaha

  oka okya

 me: hahaha

On Gays

"In more than 70 countries, same sex relationships are illegal. In 9 countries, the penalty is death."

- 50 Facts That Should Change The World, Jessica Williams

Have always wondered whether gays are gays by Nature or nurture.. Which I think for me is a big deal because as a Christian I'm supposed to believe that being  gay is a sin (As it is, I don't have any opinion on it now and am still researching further) Well, if the tendency to be gay is innate, inborn in some humans and then the creator of those humans declare that THEY are wrong... that's a pretty screwed-up system.. That said, some gay Christians believe that being gay AND struggling against their tendencies is a worthy enough calling. (Might not seem to make sense, but maybe it's kinda the same way that normal guys don't just go and touch every girl they find attractive and this very self control, against something which is a natural, inborn tendency, makes them nobler members of society. )

Coming across the article by Jessica Williams, though, made me think. If you can find gays in Iran, in countries where it really is not just frowned upon but viewed as despicable.. then maybe it is Nature after all.. because the society itself does not nurture people to be gay, and if anything, it discourages it - with a  death penalty, no less - and you can still find gays.. Well... Who'd wanna be gay for the heck of it, for experimentation, for fun etc if one gets punished so much by it? So the logical conclusion is that gay people, at least some, don't have a choice regarding their sexual orientation.

Oh well. I wonder. Through all the "researching" I've done, there are actually quite a lot of stands regarding this amongst Christian communities. Some argue that the Bible does not actually say homosexuality is wrong, but was interpreted that way. Some are sure that homosexuality is a sin. Some separates homosexual acts of immorality and homosexuals faithful to one partner just like in a marriage....

Oh well....

"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."

- Charles Peirce

"Why is it that as a society, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

- Ernest Gaines