Archidents

Tentang Menulis

2011-08-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

Atau lebih tepatnya, kenapa udah lama banget nggak pernah nulis >< Tiba2 aja, kemarin aku berpikir, kenapa ya, sekarang udah nggak begitu niat menulis blog, padahal kalau dibilang hidupku sekarang lebih nggak seru, ya nggak juga.. dibilang nggak ada inspirasi.. apa iya ya..?

Jadi mikir.. Aku sadar, masalah jarang nulis ini mulainya adalah karena aku 'sibuk' pacaran.. Mungkin, aku jenis orang yang kalo banyak masalah dan dilanda rasa sedih, baru deh jiwa puitis dan segala macam ilham keluar.. Saat suasana hujan rintik-rintik, sendirian dalam kamar.. Senyap dan dingin.. owh.. Tipe2 orang yang jadi target konsumen film India penuh melodrama..

Semenjak ada 'dia' di sampingku.. Dibilang rasa sedih, ya ada juga, kadang2 kalau cekcok.. Tapi entah bagaimana, rasanya selalu ada satu optimisme.. Kemauan untuk 'just make this work', dan kebahagiaan yg dipicu oleh hal2 paling kecil sekalipun.. Di sms tiba2.. langsung seneng.. liat dia senyum.. langsung berbunga2.. Hujan rintik2.. ada dia yg menemani dan menghangatkan jiwa *nggak cuma jiwa doang ding, yah well.. ;p * Berangkat dari sana.. Lenyap sudah suasana2 melankolis yg justru bisa membangkitkan inspirasi..

Pikir2 juga.. Sebetulnya iya sih, jatuh cinta atau punya orang yang dicintai itu.. it's powerful.. sesuatu yg bisa membuat orang nggak peduli kalau misalnya semua hal lain dalam hidupnya nggak berjalan terlalu baik, asal sang pendamping ada di sisi. Ibaratnya, 'tahi kucing berasa coklat'.. *meskipun aku ngeri banget membayangkan skenario kebalikannya dimana seandainya patah hati tiap makan coklat berasa tahi kucing >< *

Selain soal pacaran ini juga.. yah, sekarang aku udah kerja dan boleh dibilang kerjaanku adalah sesuatu yg menyenangkan, yg juga menyumbang makna hidup buatku.. jadinya pikiranku udah nggak kemana2, menganalisa banyak hal2 random yg seringkali jadi 'bahan dasar' tulisan2 di blog ini..

Di sisi lain... Rasa2nya.. akhir2 ini aku jarang bermimpi.. jarang berekspresi.. Ujung dari membuang mimpiku keluar dari Singapur.. *apa boleh buat udah kepincut orang sini.. 100% menjilat ludah sendiri.. secara tadinya udah sumpah2 ga mau sama orang Sg.. ya, ludah sendiri rasanya not bad jg kok..*

Apa buat banyak orang juga seperti itu? Tiba2 aja sadar bahwa keinginan untuk keliling dunia, bertualang kesana-kemari, melakukan ini dan itu, sudah nggak menggebu2.. bahkan terasa cuma seperti satu kenangan yang jauh..

Aku masih ingin punya mimpi.. Dan ambisi.. Meskipun hati berkata lain, bahwa sekarang bukan saatnya lagi bermimpi cuma buat diriku sendiri, tapi bermimpi bersama2 orang yg kusayang.

Satu langkah kecil untuk kembali bermimpi, adalah buatku, kembali menulis.. Entah kenapa, meskipun blog ini publik tapi terasa seperti ruang kecil untuk berpikir sendiri, kesenangan kecil yg bisa kunikmati sendirian..

Selamat datang kembali, semoga itu pantas kuucapkan buat diriku sendiri.

On Books

2011-04-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

"I can't believe how few records you have. It's pathetic, Dad."
"I know. Several movements in popular music culture have passed me by completely."
"You've got quite a lot of books, though."
"Not compared to some people."
"I'd never read a book if I didn't have to. Books are boring."
Timothy stops and looks at Liam gravely.
"I once heard Tim Henman say that on television," he says. "You know. The tennis player. I thought 'No, Tim, books contain all the magic of thought and imagination that great minds think up. If you can't find anything stimulating or interesting in any book ever written, I'm afraid it's you that's boring.' Say that you aren't bookish, as unfortunately seems to be the case with you, but don't ever say, in my presence, that books are boring.'

- Obstacles to Young Love

Conversation with Dad

2011-03-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

Talking about going to Paris, and how I'm actually pretty content right now just staying here enjoying my life, and the itch to go conquer the world has dimmed down somewhat.. Anyway, here's the conversation I had that I thought is quite blogworthy:

Dad: "So you're going to Paris in May, confirmed? B**** going with you?"
Me: "Yup.."
Dad: "I really still think you can, you know, just go back together with him instead of extending your stay.."
Me: "But I cut it short already!! by two weeks! I kind of know I won't feel like staying away for too long stretches of time, otherwise it'll be like when I cut my stay in Laos short last time.. no worries Dad, right now I feel like travel is only exciting if I can share it with my partner.."
Dad: "Yes that's right. You know, me and your mom, though we argue a lot, still we'll go everywhere together.. I tell you, even going to Paradise is not fun when you're just by yourself, let alone to Paris.."

At this point I was just laughing at that hillarious, but true bit of relationship wisdom.. ><

'Cause Inspiration is Good For You!

2011-03-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

"Rise to the occasion which is life!"
~ Virginia Euwer Wolff

"It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you."
~ Million Dollar Baby

"I think the key is for women not to set any limits."
~ Martina Navratilova

"Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away."
~ Barbara De Angelis

"I believe that it is as much a right and duty for women to do something with their lives as for men and we are not going to be satisfied with such frivolous parts as you give us."
~ Louisa May Alcott

"Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him."
~ Marilyn Monroe

"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
~ Elayne Boosler

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation.
Live wild, life free, live as master of your own fate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
- Christopher Robin to Pooh

There's no such thing as being too independent - Victoria Billings

Buckle up, baby!

2011-03-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

I am getting soft. And childish. And narrow-minded.

"The quickest way to let expectations ruin your relationship is by moving past the good thing you have and dwelling on the things you want—or the things you think you want."
- The Lady

I guess that's the thing about being in a relationship.. You kind of get used to the other person, get used to all the beautiful moments and the time spent together, and so you start having expectations about what the relationship should be like to stay wonderful.. and then when all that is taken away.. you kind of think it's your right to have those things, and get upset, get hurt, get weak..

K, k, all those 'You' and 'your' prefixes should be changed to 'I' and 'my'. *Sigh*. It's a rather hard balance - being dependent to and vulnerable with another person, and maintaining one's independence. Be too independent when you're spending time together, and you end up maintaining more distance than maybe is good for the relationship, you won't spend that much time to care about the other person because you want to put more time and energy into other things. Be emotionally attached, each other's confidante and best friend, and yes it's true that with intimacy comes certain joy, but then what happens if that person is not available, physically and emotionally, to spend time with you and you feel there's a giant void in your life?

Well, it came kind of as a shock even for myself when I realize just how much I can be an 'all-or-nothing' type.. People close to me.. either has all my attention, or not at all.. Either they make their presence felt, or just leave me to my own devices.. Because it's so miserable hoping for someone to share your days, to the extent that you can't help putting your life on hold. *K girls, this is what happens when you let your emotions take over your brain. WTH looks like my friend Audrey is right, I'm becoming more pink! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *

Ufh.. What a selfish personality.. but now that I've discovered that part of myself.. oh well, gotta live with it. Over the years, I learnt that, for me, even if I'm the heck-care type I like to know about people I care about.. to reach a point where one is just unsure if each is still part of the other's life, a lack of sharing each other's stories, however mundane it is.. actually feels rather miserable, rather toxic, rather crushing...

Gah. Alright, enough moping around. We girls gotta show some girl power ;p
___
P.S. Reviewed this writing a few days after, and having talked about my inexplicable sudden sense of loneliness (Read: PMS) with my S.O... Owwww gosh, it's emo.. >< I'm lucky the S.O is very understanding, and very chill about it all.. Fiuh! No more pink for now!

Antara Kangen dan Gengsi

2011-03-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

*sengaja tulis pake bahasa indonesia biar sang pacar gak ngerti hehe..

Pernah merasa kangeeeeeeen sama pacar *yah, padahal barusan juga kemaren ketemu*, tapi gengsi mau sms atau ngajak keluar duluan? Mungkin hal ini lebih sering dialami cewek ya.. well yang jelas, aku cuma bisa nulis dari sudut pandang cewek.. Kadang2, tiba2 aja, pengen diperhatikan sama pacar, tapi kalo udah gitu jadinya malah diem2, berharap sang pacar bisa baca pikiran, punya telepati, atau paling enggak secara kebetulan sms kata2 manis etc.. Demi harga diri dan rasa penasaran, tahan2 deh pengen menyapa pacar duluan dan bermanja2.. Bermacam2 pikiran berkecamuk di kepala:

1. 'Kalau sms duluan nanti dikira kangen..' *lah, kan emang..?*
2. 'Ga mau ganggu, pacar kan lagi sibuk..' *alasan biar terkesan dewasa, tapi dicampur jg dgn pikiran 'lho tapi kalo dia emang sayang mestinya sibuk2 juga dia perhatiin dong..'
3. 'Masa seringnya aku yang sms duluan, harusnya dia yg cowo ambil inisiatif dong..' *pikiran yg disusul dgn menghitung minggu lalu berapa kali dia sms duluan, berapa kali kita-nya yg memulai.. dua kata, sodara-sodara: "Kurang kerjaan!!!" *
4. 'Sejak pacaran, kayaknya kok berubah menjadi cewek manja dan "lengket" (baca: pengennya deket2 terus ngeliatin pacarku yg gagah dan jago capoeira...), ok sekarang saatnya buktikan pada diri sendiri bahwa aku bisa ngelewatin satu hari tanpa sms dari dia.. satu hari doang, boook!! ayo shiela, fokus!'
5. 'Eh kamu harusnya kan kerjain tugas buat studio yah, kok pikirannya malah kemana2???' *alasan terakhir ini yg paling realistis dan membuatku terpaksa mengalihkan pandangan dari layar hp..*

Hufh, begitulah.. Anyway cerita nyata nih.. Rabu kemarin, sms pacar malem2, trus merasa pas sms kayaknya kok konsentrasi dia terpecah, gitu.. *naluri perempuan.. cieh, padahal sampe 2 taun lalu pake rok aja grogi..* Tapi sebagai pacar yg pengertian, apalagi aku tau dia memang banyak kesibukan, ya udahlah, palingan lagi sambil selesaiin kerjaan kantornya..

Besoknya, pengen pacar sms duluan.. Just because.. *keinginan tiba-tiba seorang gadis.. cieh, padahal taun lalu obsesi-nya pengen bisa handstand dan tendangan putar di capoeira*..

Besoknya lagi.. Pagi cek email, oh ternyata kemaren jam 2 pagi pacar email, tp isinya pendek aja.. meskipun sedikit mengobati kangen, tetep aja penasaran huhuhu... Pas malemnya training.. Notabene jadinya dikit2 ngeliatin pacar yang merangkap senior pelatih.. Tapi tetep bersikap cuek2 bebek *selain harga diri, juga kesepakatan bahwa training is training, ga boleh ga fokus! >< * Sampe latihan berakhir, baru deh boleh mendekati pacar utk ngomong hal2 pribadi, dan baru mau negur sambil ambil baju buat ganti.. ngeliat ada sebuah kotak di dalem tas.. Hmmm... Siapa ini yang masukin? Apakah ini bom jenis baru???

Well.. ternyata isi kotak itu.. sebentuk bunga mawar yg dibuat sendiri oleh sang pacar dari metal kaleng Coca-cola, karena dia tau aku jauh lebih menghargai benda2 yg dia buat sendiri *ditambah katanya, kalo mawar buatan kan ga cepet layu >< * Ditanya, dalam rangka apa nih ngasih beginian? Jawabnya.. karena dia pengen aku punya sesuatu yg bisa diliat sebagai penambah semangat saat2 aku sibuk ngerjain thesis untuk sebulan ke depan dan gak bisa ketemu dia sesering yang aku mau..

....OOOOOOHHHHHH... wow... begitulah hal2 seperti ini yang akhirnya membuatku takluk sama seorang cowok Singapura.. ya meskipun ada campuran Filipino-nya juga.. *pembelaan diri*

Pulang naik MRT bareng, prihatin melihat matanya yang merah kurang tidur, trus aku tanya lagi, 'Kemaren tuh, kok kamu email jam 2 pagi lagi ngerjain apa sebelumnya? Kok tidurnya malem-malem gitu?'
"Uhm.. ya, lagi bikin bunga mawar untuk kamu itu..."

*langsung insaf.. Huhuhuhu maafkan diriku yang lemah dan penuh keraguan ini... >< *

Hahaha... yah.. sebetulnya, ujung2nya, post tidak berguna ini cuma pengen meng-eksplore gaya nulis selayaknya cewe-cewe (rada) bimbo jaman sekarang.. tapi siapa sih, cewek yang gak jadi rada2 bego saat perasaan sedang melanda? Bahkan ada hasil riset yang mengatakan jatuh cinta itu bikin poin IQ berkurang lumayan drastis!

Hm. Paling tidak, yang membuatku merasa 'bimbo' adalah seorang yang benar kusayangi dan aku hargai. Seorang yang membuatku merasa respek pada kedewasaannya dan merasa aman karena keteduhannya.

Aku bahagia =)

K.I.S.S

2011-03-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

..Keep It Simple, Stupid..

Was going to open the can of chestnut spread I got from France -a specialty of the Ardeche region that consists of pureed chestnut, sugar and vanilla (which, by the way, is divine! And lasts quite long!)

..and I went to google recipes for that.. Browsing through so many guaranteed-delicous-you-gotta-try-this-one recipes, a thought just popped into my head:

"If I'm perfectly content eating this chestnut spread out of the can, why the heck do I need to use it in complicated recipes and face the very real possibility of ruining its taste?"

And then, I realised the answer.. Simple food satisfy me, but complicated cooking.. is so damn fun! >< There is probably something unnerving about seeing cooking as a chemical experiment (making tear gas, and nuclear bombs, now THOSE are chemical experiments), but heck, now that I find it a source of fun and another outlet of creativity - albeit with grave consequences if the resulting dishes are hoisted upon other people - I'll probably be quite into it for some time.

On a side note, dang it's rather irritating to want to try out recipes and think that one will have more things to eat then, and eating a lot will, quite simply, make one fat. Never trust a thin cook, they say.. but I am SO unwilling to get back to my 'fat phase' (yeah..I was 12 years old.. and really fat.. 2 years later I became a vegetarian and entered the Singaporean education system with its Spartan physical education, so that was lucky..).

My brain is confused between my desire to exercise more and live healthy and the desire to cook, eat and indulge!

On Boundaries

2011-03-09T06:58:00.000-08:00

"Boundaries don't keep people out. They fence you in."
-Meredith Grey

Incidentally, before deciding to write this post I had to think of whether writing about my relationship would cross my own personal boundaries.. After all, the more precious something is to me, the more I try to cherish and keep it private *not always successful especially in the times I'm giddy with happiness >< *. In the end though, I decide that since a fair portion of my thoughts these days is about relationships, since most of my growth right now happens in the context of my own relationship and since this space exist to chronicle my thoughts and growth.. I feel the need to write, even if it is indeed more personal than my usual musings.

Boundaries.. Where does the pure, solid 'I' with my own opinions, dreams, quirks and needs stand, and the part of me who wants to please another person begins? Even as a fiercely independent person wary of needing too much of a man, of being 'owned' by him, of giving myself away just to be taken for granted by another, I know I *and every other girl with a guy to adore, I assume* tend to want to give, give, give to the person I care about. This is where the boundary problem starts, because sometimes we give too much of our time, our energy, our thoughts, our sacrifices, into a relationship and ends up feeling "Who am I? Am I my own person still or am I just a spineless existence who have sacrificed too much for another?'.. As if there's a hole in the fence around me that defines 'me' and then parts of another person comes in and invades our protected territory.

And the best part? Realized over the years that my sense of self can only be invaded if I allow it, and the negative feelings I have towards others due to boundary problems is my own responsibility. Gawd, the ways I've allowed other people to invade in! *okay actually not that bad, but things like resentment towards my mom because I allowed her opinions to affect me too much did make my life miserable for some time*

These musings come.. as I'm in that stage of the relationship where we're exploring one another's interests, and yes, I realize I'm spending a lot of time discovering what matters to him, and wanting to be good in skills I know would please him. *no, not the Kamasutra, mind you* What with my tendency to single-mindedly pursue new things and natural curiousity to learn and do as much as I can, I've had to step back and see if things I've discovered through him has become my own interest, or if they still still are 'his'.

And if they are still 'his', then I have to keep myself from spending too much time and focus on them. *Since time and focus are limited resources, and dang I need them especially in this final semester!*

Why all the trouble to do something that seems so cold and selfish as maintaining a strong 'me'-ness when the emphasis in a relationship should be of 'us'? Because I believe without two clearly defined, strong 'me's, there won't be a strong, healthy 'us'.. Recalled a conversation with a girl friend where she said she felt like people know her more for being *****'s girlfriend than for being her own self.. That.. ranks rather high in my list of mortal fears in Life... ><

On the end note, though, I have to say there isn't anything quite as liberating as being in a relationship where you're allowed, cherished even, for being yourself.. There isn't a surprise quite like the happy surprise when you discover that your boundaries and his fits quite nicely in some parts... and there is no other kind of vulnerability so tender, so precious, so beautiful as when you are allowed to cross the self-defining boundaries of another, knowing how special a privilege it is to be trusted as such.

The Lusciousness of Simplicity

2011-03-08T04:14:00.001-08:00

Was walking around doing my site study around Biopolis, under the noonday sun, and then I decided to go into the Biopolis food court to find something refreshing..

..Ended up buying a cup of mixed cut fruit and slowly ate them sitting under a rain tree, beside a pond.. And..

..Yuuuummmmm... The pieces of mango, jackfruit, watermelon, grape, apple, guava, agar-agar, etc (yeah it was that much of a value for money ;p ) were so sweet, refreshing yet rich, luscious yet so, so wholesome..

Think I really understand now why fruits are called Mother's Nature's gift.. AND I'm so glad I live in the tropics where fruits are abundant and oh-so-delish!
(Except, of course, durians >< )

On Cooking

2011-03-05T19:27:00.000-08:00

"Cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all."
- Harriet van Horne

The long and short of it.. I'm starting to pick up cooking again (The last time I cooked regularly was for myself was when I was in Paris for exchange), and the thing is, it's different cooking just for yourself versus cooking for another person...

(At this point, some would be wondering if by 'another person' I mean my significant other, and by 'cooking' I mean trying to make something for my s.o, just like how it typically happens in cliche girly mangas. Sigh. To a certain extent, it is true.) *stare 15mins into space and wonders how-the-hell-did-this-happen..*

(By the way, having so much fun with said significant other while juggling thesis work, capoeira, and Life-in-general is the reason this blog has been totally neglected.. but I'll try to update regularly now.. I realize I like, and need, to write my thoughts just to keep them in check.)

Back to cooking. I've started spending time with the cook at my place, just observing her in the kitchen, asking questions.. and what my conclusion is that the amount of knowledge required, effort expanded, and nuances to take care of is nothing short of A.M.A.Z.I.N.G...

How is one supposed to know that squids require a thicker coating of flour than prawns before deep-frying? That vegetables will stay green if they are quickly blanched before stir-fried? That some deep-fried items require three-level adjustments of heat? The amount of minute details to pay attention to is mind-boggling, as some of you legitimate cooks will know, but that is precisely why cooking is not a mere chore but is elevated into a skill, an art form.

Another conclusion: unless you are someone who really loves cooking and do it for its own sake, most of the satisfaction from cooking comes from making people who eat your food happy.
Cliche as it is, indeed cooking is an act of love. *stare another 15mins into space and wonders where-did-those-words-come-from*

Anyway, still another aspect of cooking is that, to love cooking I think one has to love food.. And I'm still finding my balance in that.. I mean, I love anything coated with chocolate, of course, but for the most part the food I love is Asian food cooked quite simply, with lotsa vegetables that still retain their 'crunch'... but I don't like anything too 'processed', too unhealthy, too oily, too sweet, and on top of that, meat is off-limits... Add all that and actually I survive pretty well on salads, raw fruits, simple rice and noodle dishes, tofu and tempe haha... *which resulted in me calling my style 'survival cooking' ;p * How does one cook more elaborate dishes while being convinced that simplistic cooking is the best?

Still another thing.. I realize that my relationship with food has developed into more of a 'health-freak' type.. I'm wary of too much food, preferring to finish eating before I'm truly full, and given a choice I find exercise and moving my body around oftentimes more enjoyable than eating haha..

Then again, remembering all those times my mom and nanny cooked various comfort food for me, how my brothers loved trying out my baked goodies, and realizing how food has the power to bring people together in smiles of appreciation and enjoyment, am starting to think cooking is a skill that takes a long while to master, but will never be boring and is worth learning.

"There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman cooking dinner for someone she loves."
- Thomas Wolfe
*a rather chauvinistic quote, what with the woman having to be 'beautiful', but it does bring to mind the image of my mom cooking for my family, and beaming when she sees us enjoying the food, and so I will still put the quote there.*

2011-02-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

'Would a traveller go back at the end of a trip and do it all over again? Relive all the hassles, the heat, the misadventures?
Yes. Usually, anyway. If only for those rare moments that are travel, that make it vital. Even if those moments take forever to come, they're worth the wait. They're the same reasons that keep s alive. Wouldn't most people go back and be a kid again, go through all the hurts, bruises and misunderstandings of growing up, relive everything, just to be able to smell spring the way we did when we were ten?'
- Laurie Gogh, Kite Strings of The Southern Cross

On Soul

2011-01-07T04:31:00.000-08:00

'Oh soul, you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.'

- Jalaluddin Rumi

Tentang Dunia

2010-12-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

Aku selalu berpikir, berharap, bahwa duniaku bakal terbentang seluas-luasnya, bahwa duniaku diisi petualangan-petualangan ke negara-negara eksotis, kaki yang selalu melangkah, adrenalin yang sering terpompa dan hidup yang tak pernah bosan dan penuh tawa..

Aku takut berada hanya di satu tempat, takut bahwa 'menjadi dewasa' berarti hidup monoton penuh rutinitas dan kehilangan rasa cintaku akan nikmatnya hidup, kehilangan kesempatan bertualang, melihat dunia dan terkagum-kagum sambil merasa betapa masih banyak yang harus aku pelajari..

Tapi... tapi entah sejak kapan, duniaku berubah menjadi seseorang.. Entah sejak kapan rasa takut untuk melipat sayapku dan berhenti terbang, berganti dengan rasa nyaman saat aku berada di pelukannya, merasa bahwa ini memang tempatku, dan dia adalah jangkarku..

Hari-hariku sekarang.. Tidak kujalani di negara-negara eksotis.. Meskipun begitu, hari-hari itu juga tak membosankan dan penuh tawa.. Dan aku melihatnya, dan terkagum-kagum sambil merasa betapa banyak yang masih harus aku pelajari..

__
On a side note, it's amazing that just leaning on someone's shoulder while watching a movie makes one feel so happy... And as they say.. It's so difficult to fall asleep when reality is finally better than your dreams..

"How's Life?"

2010-10-31T04:07:00.000-07:00

.. the question that people usually ask when they see someone who've been MIA for a long time.. haha.. Wow, I realised I haven't been writing on the blog for really long, though I've been writing a lot of personally, mulling over things, reflecting, growing.... The thing is.. this blog has been chronicling my thoughts from the first year of university - it was created precisely to document my archi student journey - and somehow it does not feel right to not write about this intense time as I get closer to the end of university...

Anyway, Life.. has thrown a lot stuff on me lately, but also, I've asked a lot from it..

Studio.. sad to say that I've rather wasted the chance to grow through it.. If anything, I'm currently a virtually passion-less, complain-full, gossipy, 'I-don't-even-wanna-go-to-studio-if-I-can-help-it' student who harbors a lot of resentment to the person I should respect the most in the studio, the person who talked me into applying for landscape architecture, no less. The realization that I am not rising above the situation but instead going with herd mentality of "ah alright the rest are generally dragging their feet around too so what I'm feeling is ok" marks another all-time-low in life.. sigh..

Well, beneath it all, there's still my unwillingness to let my love for design and my life in general be ruined because of that constant, nagging thought that I'm really not learning anything, wasting my time, and just wishing it will soon be over.. I just have to believe that there's still a little spark inside waiting for the right moment, the right trigger, to ignite again and consume me thoroughly with renewed passion...

Aside from studio though, Life's great =) Just came back from a capoeira roda and felt inspired, energized again.. Really, there's not a lot of thing more beautiful, more joyful, more unifying, more uplifting, more relieving than a roda, even if this time I was just a spectator due to unfortunate clash of studio deadlines with capoeira events.

And then there's.. well.. there's someone in my life that fascinates, just fascinates me right now and as I go into that scary yet rewarding process of getting vulnerable, being nervously afraid and yet find that it's worth it.. I'm really grateful..

Hufh.. In my church it was said to the youth, there are 3 decisions in Life you really need to get right: what you believe, whom you spend your life with, and what you do for a living... To deal with all three of them at the same time is rather overwhelming, and this is just the beginning..

But hey, that's Life =)

-

2010-09-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

Don't think of anything else.
Your excuses are not needed.
And whatever is your past
I'll love you who ever you may be.

I love you, because I love you
What ever they think about is not important.
I love you, who ever you may be

___

The words I needed to hear, have been said.. And the tenderness of it all holds me, awes me, soothes me..

Oh, how I am happy.

Early morning Inspiration

2010-09-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

"I fear not the man who has practised 10 000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10 000 times."
- Bruce Lee

Sang Pemimpi

2010-09-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

"Mimpi itu gratis.. Aku yang nggak punya apa-apa ini cuma bisa mimpi.. Tapi, mimpi itu harus tercapai. Aku harus usaha, kerja keras, sampai titik darah penghabisan. Kerja keras dengan ikhlas."
- Sugie, anak Lanskap IPB

Dan aku, langsung merasa malu, karena aku bahkan lupa bahwa menjadi seorang arsitek adalah bagian dari mimpiku.. Di tengah-tengah realita surutnya ide, kerjaan yang selalu dikritik dan terasa sia-sia, inspirasi yang lari entah ke mana, sungguh gampang melupakan mimpi kita sendiri. Sungguh gampang mengatakan, 'Ah sudahlah, semuanya sia-sia, aku nggak cukup baik untuk meraih mimpi ini..'

Untungnya, mimpi itu gratis. Dan kalau segitu gampangnya mimpi diraih, itu bukan mimpi namanya.
__

Apa yang kau takutkan
Dengan semua ini
Bukankah kesedihan
Sering kita alami
Keadaan ini
Buat kita terbiasa

Dengarkan ku bicara
Teruslah bermimpi
Walau kenyataannya jauh berbeda
Teruslah bermimpi
Jangan berhenti

Percayalah
Lelah ini hanya sebentar saja
Jangan menyerah
Walaupun tak mudah meraihnya

Menghentikan pikiran dengan mata terpejam
Menunggu malam bisa hapus kenyataan
Biar saja mimpi jauh membawa kita

Tetap tersenyumlah
Biar semakin mudah
Karena kesedihan pun
Ternyata hanya sementara
__

Mimpi teruslah bermimpi
Jangan pernah berhenti bermimpi
Mimpi bisa jadi nyata
Bila engkau berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Mimpi teruslah bermimpi
Siapapun boleh saja bermimpi
Asal jangan engkau lupa
Dan selalu berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Tak ada mimpi yang terlalu tinggi
Semua sangat mungkin 'tuk diraih
Panggillah aku seorang pemimpi
Panggillah aku ini sang pemimpi

Mimpi bisa jadi nyata
Bila engkau berusaha
Untuk mewujudkannya

Tak ada mimpi yang terlalu tinggi
Semua sangat mungkin 'tuk diraih
Panggillah aku seorang pemimpi
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini..
Panggillah aku ini sang pemimpi

The T-Rex Approach to Romance?

2010-08-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

"..a theory that Luke and I have learned this year about the T.rex: that it didn't actually BITE at all but just grabbed and tore at its prey, half the time leaving it just wounded, but with enough toxic T.rex slime in the wound to infect fatally. All the T.rex had to do was follow the poor sick guy around and watch until he dropped."
- Adam Gopnik, Paris to the Moon

Hm... wonder if there's a way to attract a crush that entails just doing one thing, leaving the person, and just wait till he/she 'falls' .. haha.. Would a perfectly suave pick-up line delivered in perfect timing do that? Nah..

That's the thing about relationship, even just the beginning of relationship.. by its very nature of forcing us to continually relate to another person, it demands constant, unrelenting attention..

Still, I'll explore the possibility of the T.rex approach a bit further... ^^

On Doctors and Handstands..

2010-07-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

Went to Chinatown with a capoeira friend yesterday, looking for a shinshe (Chinese doctor) to check my foot, since the nerve is still a bit painful after my last injury. Found a place in one of the malls, which was manned by two ladies.. Now, I've always believed that the only Chinese doctors that are of any good are 1) Male, and 2) Old, but since they had very pro-looking advertisements outside the shop (pics of acupuncture, moxa, etc etc) I thought I'll just give it a try.

As expected.. the lady who was going to massage me came from China and could not really speak English, and she kept asking me which part is painful while pressing around.. Communication was done by me cringing when she pressed something painful, so that was easy.. Then, she asked, how did I get the injury..

I tried to explain "the injury happened when I was practicing handstand for capoeira and landed on my toe" with body language (lots of finger action) but it failed miserably huhu.. So... I kinda cornered my capoeira friend into demonstrating a handstand right there and then in the Chinese clinic hahaha..
Me: (in chinese) "ok lady, look at my friend there.."
*Bom Garoto demonstrated a perfect handstand*
Me: (in chinese+body language) "so yeah, that's what I was doing, then I fell and my feet went like that..."
Chinese lady: "Ooooohhh..."

That gotta be the coolest thing she'd seen this week hahaha..

Aaaaaaanyway.. Out of the three target moves I really wanted to do since I joined capoeira, I'm still lousiest at handstand.. Yeah well, it's true what one of my instructor said: the human body is not made to stand on hands, so you need to practice, practice, practice. Am giving myself till end of September to master it.

Control. Balance. Power.
Capoeira!

A Little Bit of Rant..

2010-07-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

I don't understand my mom. I really don't. At this point, I don't even think of trying..

Took a flight from Jakarta back to Singapore yesterday and my parents, who happened to be in Jakarta for a relative's wedding, escorted me to the Sukarno-Hatta airport.

Just before I went into the gate, Mom said, "By the way, I put a photo in your luggage.. It's you, but altered a bit so the eyes are enlarged. Look at it, ok, just for your consideration if you want a cosmestic surgery."

At this point, I was totally speechless.. but then I realized I was damn pissed and I told her, "You know, even if I look prettier I wouldn't consider cosmetic surgery."

Reply: "Well, just for your consideration, just look at it first!"

*I haven't looked at it. I kinda refuse to, on principle.*

Hufh.. I don't know what's gotten into her head.. She's been telling me to consider plastic surgery since around 2 months ago, and well, that kinda sucks because my whole life I've struggled with the feeling that I hate her, that she's just never going to accept me the way I am, and this doesn't make things any better.

Revenge plan? Am gonna find an Indian guy who'll agree to be my pretend-boyfriend and proudly present him to my parents, adding that I'll move to India soon as my job contract ends. Oh, revenge is sweet.

First capoeira cordao!

2010-06-27T07:37:00.001-07:00

The three juniors holding our first cord.. surrounded by beloved seniors ^^

I've gotten my first capoeira belt! =D Well I'm nowhere near being even a remotely good capoeirista, but as my mestre said: "You are now officially part of the Zambiacongo family." =)

Wow.. I can't believe I first joined capoeira only because the schedule fits my free time haha.. Throughout the four days of capoeira camp I was so inspired by Mestre Luizinho, by SMU and ITE Zambiacongo members... the movements, the flow, the music, the energy.. I've always thought capoeira is such a beautiful game, but I think I've just seen a whole new level of beauty and awesomeness to it!!

As always, talk is cheap.. this time, here's a video for everyone who thought capoeira is just a dance and there's not much of a fight aspect.. Enjoy!

On Clubbing

2010-06-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

"Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time. Serenity, that nothing is."
- Thomas Szasz

Few nights ago, I could not go to training because of my injury, so I went for dinner with the CS peeps instead. Great crew, great conversations - as often happens when almost everyone has a different nationality - and then someone said, let's head out for a drink.

Now, I'm glad to enjoy drinks with friends, but I've never drunk in a club, just because I don't like crowds. I.e: I've never went "clubbing", just because I've never sought out the opportunity and totally had no idea what that entails. That day, though, I did not really care because.. I had to get rid of that gnawing, irritating feeling that I could not train capoeira. (I know this is silly, but it's true.. Capo is a serotonin fix and I needed to get my fix from somewhere else.)

Turned out, clubbing was totally the wrong substitute.. Entered the club, obligatorily marched to the bar to get my beer, then joined my friends.. Listened to the deafeningly loud music, then the live band, shook my head and body a bit... and ended up wondering... uhm.. Is there all there is to it?

Because, you see, it might just be my fault but I got the feeling that clubbing is just incredibly, incredibly boring.. and that's even counting the fact that: 1.I was with a great bunch of people whom I'd really like to know more (the loud music kinda dashed all hope of a proper conversation), 2.beer was free-flow (I like the taste of beer, but there were just too many people around the bar), 3.the band was great and the selection of songs was cool (though too loud).

In the midst of all the boom 'n gloom (boomz n' gloomz, if you like Ris Low), a friend spoke into my ear, "THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO FORGET PEOPLE!!"

Hmmm... is that the point of it all? It's incredible that one comes to such a packed place just to feel lonely, but yeah, what with the alcohol, dry-ice smoke and strobe lights, that might just work..

After almost two hours, I finally made my excuses because I could not stand the boredom anymore.. I mean, watching drunk people getting it on, fat old lao wais struttin' their stuff alongside their nubile Asian girlfriends were actually pretty interesting, but you can't depend on that for long...

Well, it also made me think, "Will I be like all the other clubbers at one point in life? You know, bored by the routine of work, too tired to think where to spend time, no family, friends can't really spend time with me, so heck let's 'go clubbin'?" That freaked me out.. Having an almost pathological fear of boredom, I'll be doomed the day I "don't know what else to do, let's go clubbing.' huhuhu...

Ah well.. Bear in mind, dear Reader, that this really is an amateur opinion, just my two cents' worth. No offense whatsoever to clubbers out there, in fact I salute you for being able to bear hours amidst those boomz!

2010-06-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

"When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible to ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness.. and call it love - true love."
- Robert Fulghum

On Cambodia - Impressions

2010-06-08T03:08:00.001-07:00

"I felt beautiful when I was in Cambodia. I was sweaty, and my hair was matted and all over the place. I was happy and hot and accomplishing a lot and running around, and I could feel my heart beating, and I felt beautiful."
- Angelina Jolie, when shooting Tomb Raider in Cambodia

It's been 2 weeks since I came back from Cambodia.. I've been meaning to write a piece on my travels but well, kept postponing it. Now the impressions I have are not so fresh and it seems that there are a lot less things to write about.. but still, the country merits some observations..

First things first, I had a great time in Siem Reap! (the only place I visited, due to time constraints). Before landing, I had an image that the airport was going to be.. you know, small, cheap looking, with the usual concrete-plaster-tile ensemble.. Couldn't be more surprised because the whole building shows great use of materials.. Raw concrete with smooth finishing (class!), combined with wood, sculptures, heck they even have glass-rimmed courtyards with beautiful gardens inside! Oh well, I took it as a sign of greater things to come, and dutifully marched to the line of immigration officers. After seeing my nationality in the passport, the officer serving me wanted to learn some words in Indonesian haha.. n I learnt my first Khmer word, "Soksabay" which means "How do you do?" =D

The city itself was pretty small, and well, honestly the buildings are simple and nondescript. Funny atmosphere of a city that you know is fast developing and building, but also retains a kind of village feel.. Reminds me a lot of smaller cities in Indonesia..except for one thing.. Siem Reap's clean!! Not-much-litter-lying-around clean.. which made me think, "What's wrong with Indonesia that we cannot do such a thing?" Hufh, anyway, it was also bloody hot and dusty, even with the large amount of greenery around.

On the streets, the most popular mode of transportation is tuk-tuk.. which is totally cool if you can appreciate the slower things in Life haha.. Seriously, though, the feeling of breeze in your hair (even if it's 40 degrees Celcius breeze..) makes it a nice experience. Motorbikes abound too, and what's so amazing is that all of them are seemingly for hire.. As soon as you make eye contact with a guy on a motorbike, he'll ask, "Motorbike, lady?" Once, I was right smack in the middle of the road trying to cross when a motorbike passed in front of me, and the moment I looked at the rider, he asked, "Motorbike, lady?" totally taking his eyes off the road and looking back at me when he was moving forward! That's what we call determination.. Anyway, it somewhat awes me that the pace of vehicles are so slow there, since the road is actually good and wide enough (unlike Hanoi with it's crawling traffic jams..). What sets the 'pace' of a place, I wonder? Coming from a place like Singapore, I think I'm starting to assume that everyone will surely go faster, faster, faster if they can, and it calms me down that there are still places people take it slow.

Talking about slowness.. DO NOT wait until you are very hungry to go into a restaurant in Siem Reap, because by the time they serve you the food, you'd have been almost willing to eat the table.. Ah, the downside of the slow pace I loved.. Great food though, mostly different kinds of curry the call "amok" (Somehow because of the expression 'run amok', I kept having an image of someone running around after eating that curry...)

The buildings, the pace of life, the food, and then.. there's the Cambodians. I have a very good impression of Cambodians, though yeah, my friends and I had several glitches like the boatman trying to extract a few more dollars above the agreed price, etc. I guess I'm comparing them to other SEA people - Thais, Vietnamese, Malaysians, Filipinos, fantastic fellow Indonesians - and I find Cambodians... sincere..

Hmm... yeah I think the word sincere describes my impression well.. When I was shopping around in the Old Market, the vendors asked me to look at their wares, but none were forceful.. The moment I smiled they'll just smile back and not try to 'detain' me, and funnily enough they seem to use this line a lot when saying good bye: "Good luck to you, lady/sir.." Anyway, I just feel that everyone is around doing their business but also accepting me as a tourist in their midst, and I don't feel like an intruder but I don't feel like a 'walking wallet' either.. Wonder if it's because there are still relatively few tourists in the area, but I sure hope things won't change with more and more people coming.. (which will surely happen, seeing how charming Cambodia is)

An incident I still remember... at one point, I was exploring a temple early in the morning, and a Cambodian lady selling scarfs approached me and said good morning.. Wanting to be nice and thinking I had lots of time anyway, I chatted with her a bit (Indonesians are still somewhat exotic to them hahaha..), but the whole time we were chatting I was waiting for her to start selling her stuff.. After about 5 minutes, she was like, "OK lady, good luck to you, have a good day!" smiled and started walking away just like that! I was dumbfounded hahahaha.. Half of me was glad because it seems she was curious about me without seeing me as a tourist, half of me was like, "Uhm, I don't look like the kind of people who buy scarfs?" hahahaha..

Next up: on the famed Angkor Wat and 'the other absolutely amazing temple', Ta Phrom.

Injury...

2010-06-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

"He divines remedies against injuries, he knows how to turn serious accidents to his own advantage; whatever does not kill him makes him stronger. "
- Frederich Nietzsche

Hufh.. Trying to practice handstand last night and fell on my left knee and toe.. Juz came back from x-ray-ing it and thankfully just a sprain.

Still, it's a very irritating, saddening, maddening feeling to see people doing all kinds of things with their bodies and I'm stuck on the side watching.. I've always been a somewhat reckless person, so yeah injuries like this reminds me not to be so reckless, because it may well cause me my freedom.. Now that I love moving around so much, I love the way my body is getting stronger and more flexible, I love pushing the limits of what it can do and even loves having muscle fatigue on places I've never had muscle fatigue before.. I am so, very afraid of having all that taken away from me..

Yesterday when I fell on my knee, it was very painful in the beginning, and I was, like, "Please, God, not my knee.. I know sometimes I am more happy to go to capoeira training than to church.. but please, don't teach me a lesson this way..." while imagining all kinds of handicapped-for-life scenarios.. Classic run-to-God-when-there's-a-problem case.. but yeah, having my physical freedom compromised or taken away definitely ranks up there as one of my worst fears..

That said, you know somehow when you're doing something kinda dangerous you're sure that accidents will happen but you're not sure when, so you're just kind of holding yourself back when doing everything.. thinking "will it be this time? will it be when I'm doing this move?"

Well, in a way with this injury I feel like a kind of curse has been lifted hahaha.. And I won't have that kind of fear another time =D

Oh well, now I'll just hope I'll stop walking like a penguin sometimes soon..

Bits

2010-06-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

"Funnily enough, that's the best word to describe.. Cunning with a conscience.."

"Yeah, it was so difficult to make appointment with my friend, he's like.. free but busy.."

"The real training starts AFTER training.."

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt"
- Shakespeare

High from capoeira roda.. Getting somewhat better at doing the moves and playing longer, which just means more adrenaline is pumped into my bloodstream each time.. ah well not complaining.. Where the axe calls, I go!

2010-05-19T05:49:00.001-07:00

"Put your heart below your head. Fail to do that, bam, you're dead!"

Not Giving Up Yet...

2010-05-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
- Lance Armstrong

About three and a half months into capoeira now.. And frankly, I did not progress as much as I want to. Maybe I forget too easily where I was at, a total klutz that didn't even have any confidence on my athletic ability.. Seen from that perspective, I can say to myself, "Not bad, Shiela, you've certainly improved your strength, your flexibility, your stamina.."

But I'm surrounded by capoeiristas who are good, great, passionate, inspirational, that well, the only way to look is up.. And I can't help constantly feeling like a noob huhuhu.. At this stage I appreciate how difficult capoeira can actually be.. To listen to the music, move with the rhythm, maintaining the form while reading your partner's moves and responding, all at the same time..

Am still lousy at synchronising my movements with the music.
Am bad at low ground movements.
My kicking form is not always correct.
Cannot read partner's moves.
My senior just said I jinga like a robot huhuhu...

But..

I love capoeira to the point that I desperately desperately desperately want to be good at it..
For a lot of things in Life I'm content to just watch from the side and be awed by their beauty or coolness...

Not for this capoeira thing.. I want to be right smack in the middle of the roda translating my passion into graceful movements!

And so..

The journey is gonna be long, no kidding.. It's nevertheless a very fun journey, and I've convinced myself that I can only get better..

Axe capoeira!

"Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes."
- taken from a CS friend's blog, M.V

Sentosa

2010-05-09T06:07:00.000-07:00

..After being very, very prejudiced against Sentosa for a very long time (Sentosa = the epitome of everything artificial in Singapore), right now my perception of it is a bit better. When one visits it after staying away for 5 years, and then only with a high-octane-fun group of friends, then it is actually enjoyable.

Alright, the next scheduled visit is in 2015 =D

2010-05-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."
- Reggie Leach

Everything Bad is Good For You -Are Books Bad or Good?"

2010-05-07T08:22:00.001-07:00

"We shouldn't teach great books. We should teach a love of reading."
- B. F. Skinner

Am currently reading the book "Everything Bad is Good for You: How Popular Culture Makes Us Smarter" by Steven Johnson. Well, it's an interesting enough book, and hardcore gamers will find a lot of reasons to justify gaming other than just improving motor co-ordination. The part that arrests me the most, however, is where the author compares gaming to reading (seeing as reading is often viewed as "good" and gaming as "bad") and argues that perhaps this perception might be different if games are invented before books:

Reading books chronically understimulates the senses. Unlike the longstanding tradition of game playing - which engages the child in a vivid, three-dimensional world filled with moving images and musical soundscapes, navigated and controlled with complex muscular movements - books are simply a barren string of words standing on the page. Only a small portion of the brain devoted to processing written language is activated during reading, while games engage the full range of the sensory and motor cortices.

Books are also tragically isolating. While games have for many years engaged the young in complex social relationships with their peers, building and exploring worlds together, books force the child to sequester him or herself in a quiet space, shut off from interaction with other children. These new "libraries" that have arisen in recent years to facilitate reading activities are a frightening sight: dozens of young children, normally so vivacious and socially interactive, sitting alone in cubicles, reading silently, oblivious to their peers.

Many children enjoy reading books, of course, and no doubt some of the flights of fancy conveyed by reading have their escapist merits. But for a sizable percentage of the population, books are downright discriminatory. The reading craze of recent years cruelly taunts the 10 million Americans who suffer from dyslexia - a condition that didn't even exist as a condition until printed text xame along to stigmatize its sufferers.

But perhaps the most dangerous property of these books is the fact that they follow a fixed linear path. You can't control their narratives in any fashion - you simply sit back and have the story dictated to you. For those of us raised on interactive narratives, this property may seem astonishing. Why would anyone want to embark on an adventure utterly choreographed by another person? But today's generation embarks on such adventures millions of times a day. This risks instilling a general passivity in our children, making them feel as though they're powerless to change their circumstances. Reading is not an active, pariticipatory process; it's a submissive one. The book readers of the younger generation are learnin to "follow the plot" instead of learning to lead.
__
I thought that was a very well-written paragraph that would cheer many a non-book lover hahaha.. As for me, well, it made me think of how even people who do not like reading view reading as some sort of sacred intellectual activity.. Especially parents of non-readers!! Growing up, it's pretty weird how my mom's friends would tell her "I wish my son/daughter likes reading as much as your daughter.." and she'd be kind of proud.. They didn't know I used to spend a disproportionate amount of reading time on comics! Guess I got lucky, I was born with a love for books.. Once, my mom asked me, "Please help make your brother love reading too! He needs it for his English!" I was stumped.. How does one make a reader? I think it's no exaggeration to think that it's like trying to make a boy behave like a girl, for these things just cannot be imposed upon someone!

"Books open your mind, broaden your mind, and strengthen you as nothing else can."
- William Feather

A Moon, Some Friends, The Sea

2010-05-06T06:24:00.000-07:00

Somehow, after capoeira mini-training and supper, I ended up agreeing to go and watch planes taking off near Changi boardwalk with three capo friends.. Besides, one of them was so kind to "tumpang" me on his motorbike.. Which was how we ended up chatting and staring at the sea until almost 4 A.M.. and well.. The orange moon, the stars and the sea wind created a perfect atmosphere to talk 'deep' things... so...

Me: *After elaborating on the bad points of staying in Singapore, and in turn got 'served' some bad points about Indonesia* "You know what, only in the last one year have I felt like I can be in Singapore, like this can be home instead of just a place of transit.. Though I'd still prefer not to stay.."

T: "Wow, only one year? How long have you been here?"

Me: "9 years.."

T, F & K: "Nah Shiela, you kena the LKY trap already! Oh no! Don't stay, why stay in Singapore.."

Me: "Hey! Don't talk! You know that capo and capo friends are major reasons why I stop thinking of Singapore as just a place of transit and start really enjoying my life here! I'm just glad I can find a group of Singaporeans I can click with!'

K: "Well, this guy's half-Filipino, this one's half-Jap, and I'm hardly Singaporean.. We really don't count..."

Me: "Uhm... ya hor... Aw shucks..."
__
That aside, despite usually thinking of Singapore as just your efficient but inhumanely sterile city, last night (and morning) was the first in a long, long time I felt that Singapore still holds some magic. You know, the kind of magic that makes you feel a place is quietly glowing, and you just want to stay calm, not wanting to disturb that beautiful quiet.. That magic abounds in Paris, so much so you can't escape it. In Hanoi, it was of a more down-to-earth, grittier variety, while in Singapore... well.. it's so rare that I learned to treasure the few places and people that makes me feel such magic..

OK we're veering into cheesy territory, forgive me.. Ah but, I'm glad to have found another little unusual piece of Singapore, and of course, glad for the company. It's always rather funny how people you've known for years remain acquaintances while some people you've met for just awhile become trusted friends.

To end the night, my friend "tumpang"-ed me all the way from Changi to Toa Payoh.. and hey it was such a great experience riding through deserted highways across half of Singapore haha..
The wind, the noise.. And it makes me happy how things and buildings that usually look familiar now just passed as a yellowish blur (dim road lighting, mind you).. I felt like I was in a different Singapore, one more calming, and interesting..

Hm.. I 'kena' the LKY trap, indeed...

Project RLH: April Book List

2010-05-06T03:32:00.000-07:00

"Books are for people who wish they are somewhere else."
- Mark Twain

That Mark Twain quote can't be truer.. Hahaha.. Anyway, here are the books finished in the month of April.. Not as many as I would like to due to submission and exams, but still there are really good books among them.

1. The Man Who Loved China - Simon Winchester

2. Chicken Soup For The Soul: My Resolutions - Mark Canfield & Jack Victor Hansen

3. The Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri

4. South-east Asia : The Graphic Guide - Mark Elliott (must read for backpackers!)

5. In Defense of Food - Michael Pollan (very interesting book which I wanna write about but haven't gotten the time.. Soon..huhu..)

6. Cambodia - Rough Guides

7. The Man Who Ate Everything - Jeffrey Steingarten

8. Unkown Capoeira - Mestre Ricardo Cachorro

9. Why The Chinese Don't Count Calories - Lorraine Clissold (It's about Chinese food culture and it's a very good book to curl up with during rainy days..haha.. and now I'm so proud about Chinese food =p )

10. Thailand - D.K Travel Guides

11. When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris

12. Edible Aroids -S. Chandra

13. Aroids - Deni Brown

14. The Cultivated Aroids - Monroe Roberts Birdsey

I was in El Paso one afternoon, changing out of my swimsuit, and a young man said, "Excuse me, but aren't you..." When I was changing out of my swimsuit, I mean that I had nothing on. No socks, no T-shirt. My underpants were in hand. I guess the guy recognized me from my book jacket photo. The full length naked one on the back cover of my braille editions.
- David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

-

2010-05-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

Sh: "So, you're a vegetarian?"
Me: "Yeah.. but don't worry I'm not standing on a moral high ground.."
Sh: "Religious reason? or personal choice?"
Me: "Choice.. for me it's like we're standing on a junction and you choose to turn left while I turn right..haha.."
L: "Well except there's more food on the left.."
Me: "Yeah.. well..."
__
And since we were in a middle-eastern joint, here was a sample pick-up line for a middle-eastern situation, suggested by a fellow CSer:
"I'm the falafel to your shawarma..."

=D

The Trees - Philip Larkin

2010-04-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too.
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
In fullgrown thickness every May.
Last year is dead, they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

All the world's a page!

2010-04-26T06:21:00.001-07:00

This year, project RLH (read the update here and here) is on again! Been reading some good books lately since the end of studio, and the book list for April will be up soon.

Holidays + rain + books.. I can't be happier =)

Stair-y eyed! .

2010-04-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how my house stairs will look like when I get to design my own house =D

View from above:

Ain't it grand?

Bits of April....

2010-04-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Somehow a lot of thoughts are swimming around in my head.. I guess this post is just cataloguing them in an attempt to organise my messy, messy mind haha..
___
Studio has ended! Wow! Honestly I have mixed feelings.. Feels like it just passed in a blur, at the same time, that it has dragged on for so long.. I feel relieved because it has ended, frustrated because again I didn't learn anything much, confused because I wonder if it's my fault or my tutor's fault that some periods of the studio were just a mess, and that not much came out of it in the end.. Still I'm glad that I did what best I could.. I fought, fought, and fought when giving up was the easy option. (At one desperate point I calculated whether my CAP would still be ok if I just slacked and aimed for a D grade..Haha.. It would! But am glad I didn't take that easy way.) In a weird way this semester taught me to be humble, because it was just so difficult to grasp what's happening in the studio, and to predict my tutor's reaction, that I had to throw away any confidence I have in my design and even myself. Well studio might not have been great, but yeah ok maybe with a bit of a stretch I can say it was good.

Still, one of the jury for the final critique panel was my old tutor who inspired me so much.. His studio was the time when I stayed in school the most often, usually two, three days in a row even on weekends, yet I felt so much satisfaction at the end of it.. When he was sitting there amongst the judges I felt like just kneeling down and begging him to accept me back to his studio hahaha.. Oh well, but even if I'm not on fire for studio, I do enjoy learning about plants and landscape, and I'm looking forward to working in this field. Guess that settles it.. One more year of struggles!
__
I'm 24 now! Hm.. I don't feel any different ahaha..(Though the other day someone said I have "blossomed".. wooow.. such a compliment!) Should've posted something on my birthday I guess but that was in the middle of final design, assignments etc. Glad for my 24 years so far.. Been a really good life, blessings upon blessings.. cliche as it is, I guess what's left is to be more of a blessing for others.. Make 'm laugh, as I've often tried to do =D
__
Official capoeira training is now limited to once a week in headquarters, no more NUS session (About the only bad thing in this long-awaited holiday), and I feel rather restless.. Too much energy during the week though come Friday I'll sweat and pant it all out! Still need lots of practice with the basic kicks.
___
Wonder if I put too much private material in this blog, though I'm ok with people reading it. The weird part comes when people whom I don't think I know well, or know me well, starts talking or chatting to me about things I write in my blog.. (In case you're sensitive, if you were amongst my secondary school friends, JC friends, architecture friends, french friends or ex-travel partners, if I've talked to you about personal problems before, then rest assured I don't mean you). It's just weird, because for me, reading someone's blog and knowing that person well is really not the same thing, and asking personal questions without knowing someone well is a bit too much.
__
Love the weather these days. Perfect for sleeping, reading, and night swimming.

If - Rudyard Kipling

2010-04-24T03:16:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
___
We all need something to reminds us again, that being noble is worth the trouble! (Well, mostly..)

It is What It Is

2010-04-23T08:49:00.001-07:00

What it is

It is nonsense
says Reason
It is what it is
says Love

It is unhappiness
says Caution
it is nothing but pain
says Fear
It is hopeless
says Insight
It is what it is
says Love

It is ridiculous
says Pride
It is careless
says Caution
It is impossible
says Experience
It is what it is
says Love

Erich Fried

Archi stuff from a non-architect..

2010-04-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Supper after capo-training *rest well, poor legs..* and a senior was talking to me about the book The Fountainhead by Ann Ryand. Will hunt the book tomorrow, but this is what he said,
"You know, after reading the book it feels like now I know a lot about architecture.. She said, If you design a building and one person out of ten likes it, you are successful because that is design. If you design a building and nine out of ten people like it, you fail, because that is mass production."

. . . . huhuhu it just adds to the complexity of becoming an architect!

Wanderlust..

2010-04-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness..."
- Mark Twain

The holidays are coming! (A friend told me, though, "You gotta get over your mistress first..")
Ah well, freedom is virtually 5 days away.. Yay!

Anyway, in line with my newfound appreciation of Singapore, actually I fully intended to just stay here and take it slow.. I imagine having lots of time to raid the library, to revisit my favorite ulu places around the island, to take up French and Mandarin in my own time again, to sketch, to paint, play the piano, cook..

BUT! Some capoeira people are planning a trip to Bangkok and inviting people along.. I thought, well, why not, since it's just a 4 days trip. Then..I went browsing for Thailand travel guides in the library...and it made me want to backpack large swathes of Thailand hahaha.. After all, we might as well make full use of the carbon footprint of our flights, right?

So then.. Somehow a thought popped into my mind: "Hey what about Cambodia? Angkor Wat?" I looked at the book shelf.. Tons of books about Thailand, but very few about Cambodia.. That settles it: Cambodia here I come! Previously, hesitating whether to go because I couldn't find a travel partner. (I'm bold enough to backpack Cambodia alone, but I don't have the guts and the heart to tell my parents I'm backpacking Cambodia alone huhu..) That's settled for now, though,a friend's joining me and I think it'll be great fun! Yay!

Wwll, what's 2 weeks of travel in 3 months, I thought.. Then, some friends were talking about the Shanghai World Expo and before I realized it, I was sms-ing my dad, "Dad, what do you say we go to Shanghai to see the World Expo?" My fingers moved on their own I swear! Dad's reply "Of course! You take care of the timing and tickets." I gotta admit that having a Dad that dotes on you and likes the same things you do is kinda nice.. I was already imagining going down museums and checking out old buildings with my Dad telling me Chinese history...

...when my mom calls, "Ching you're going to Shanghai with Dad? I'll join you. Let's go to Suzhou as well.." Waa.. Told my mom that the condition for her coming along is: "No shopping" hahaha.. This will be a cultural and history trip since both me and my Dad are Chinese culture fans =D

...so much for staying in Singapore hahahaha... The whole month of June I'll be hopping around: Sg - KL - Shanghai - Suzhou - Hangzhou - Shanghai - KL - Sg - Bangkok - Siem Reap - Phnom Penh (?) - Bangkok - Sg... plus maybe some Northern Thailand or Canmbodian cities.

Oh, wanderlust!

Salmao...

2010-04-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

Salmao means salmon in Portuguese.. so, what's with salmons, you ask?

The story goes, capoeiristas who have gone through their batizado ('baptism', or the first time they play with a mestre and is taken down in the roda) will get an apelido, a nickname, and it's usually the name of an animal. For example, some of my seniors are called Bat, Owl, Frog, Cat, Duck, Cheetah etc, in Portuguese. Few days ago, a capoeira senior told me, "Well, I'm not authorised to give out apelidos, but if I am, I've got one for you.."

..and it's Salmao! Hahaha.. Well no complaints since they're one of the most persevering animals around, but when I asked him if that's the reason for the apelido (I was telling him about my struggle in the studio, coming up with a new design each week and trying to persevere through it all..), he said, "You're supposed to fish it out for yourself. Pun intended.' Hmph.

Anyone wanna suggest their thoughts on similarities between me and salmons?

Last official capo training this semester... hiks..

2010-04-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday night was the last NUS Capoeira training this sem... so we had a long, long roda playing with all the graduating seniors, the exchange students going back to their country, and our members who are going for exchange, followed by full-fledged supper session talking nonsense haha...

Cliche as it is, in the middle of the long roda, while clapping, singing and watching the great game *The seniors' kicks were just fast and furious!! Aaaaa!!), I know I'm gonna sorely miss capo trainings.. Somehow it has become a habit that Mondays and Wednesdays I sweat it out with the capo gang,finished with supper cum "bonding".. Granted, there's still headquarters training on Fridays, but hey the axe (energy) is just not the same..

Gonna miss the graduating seniors.. As they go into the "dog-eat-dog" world (quoting the farewell speeches yesterday), we won't see them that often in the NUS roda.. These people who turned us from shy juniors watching the jogo (game) in awe from the sides, into budding capoeiristas who boldly and excitedly receive the kicks while delivering some of our own.. who very quickly embraced the juniors into the fun, easy-going circle that is NUS Capoeira..

Well, well, my friends would know that I am a bit wary of Singaporeans since getting to know quite some people who only come when they want help and are just too fiercely competitive.. so here's my mark of respect and admiration for NUS Capoeira: I love each and every Singaporean member in there hahahahaha... (of course the non-Sgs too!) There's just an easy-going-ness about them that I look forward to enjoying every training..

..or maybe that's the magic of capoeira...

That aside, at least with no more training I'm free to abuse my body for a week to keep up with submission demands.. Coffee and minimum sleep, hours sitting in front of Photoshop... here we go again...

Bye-bye, Capo.. Hello, Crit...

Orang yang kucari...

2010-04-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

. . . adalah "orang yang bisa membuat hidupku tenang, yang bisa meredam ledakan-ledakan jiwaku, yang bisa membuatku tetap jadi diriku di manapun dan di saat apapun aku berada.. orang yang bersedia mengerti keanehanku, yang menerimaku apa adanya, yang bisa mengikuti sayap-sayapku yang selalu ingin terbang, kaki-kakiku yang selalu gelisah, sekaligus selalu membuatku ingin pulang kepadanya. Yang bisa membiarkan aku berloncatan kesana kemari, memberiku keleluasaan dan kebebasan yang besar sehingga aku bisa berdiri menantang angin, tapi juga tetap bisa berlindung kepadanya di saat badai. Orang yang bisa menerima bahwa aku ini berada di tengah-tengah dua dunia - dunia tradisional oriental dengan segala kesungkanan dan tata krama dan ikatan persaudaraan dan kemunafikannya sekaligus dunia modern yang bebas merdeka dengan segala keegoisannya." *

*Diambil dari blog seorang geolog perempuan Indonesia.. dan kaget karena tulisan ini benar-benar menggambarkan apa yang ada dalam kepalaku. Pernah sekali aku bertemu orang yang seperti itu, dan itu sudah kuhitung keberuntungan yang luar biasa. Di satu sisi, aku ingin tahu apa ada orang lain yang akan melengkapiku seperti itu, bahkan lebih. Di sisi lain, aku yang mengagungkan 'pengalaman' puas karena sudah pernah mengalami, dan karenanya bertumbuh dewasa.

Hidup.. Aku bahagia... =)

Capoeira continued..

2010-04-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Capoeira.. has made my life better in unexpected ways.. I'm surprised too at how positively it influenced me, especially since I just went into it spontaneously because the club schedule fits mine this semester. (It's proven once again that the decisions that made a lot of difference in my life are often made on a whim huhu...)

One thing is that, capoeira has calmed me down.. Literally, after each session my body feels tired in a contented way. What with the music, the camaraderie and the energy of the roda bringing me into a high, post-training I feel like I had just been shouting on top of my lungs to release some stress and so I voluntarily go into "quiet mode"...

It has calmed me down in a sort of mental-emotional way too.. My friends would know that I am a rather restless person, especially regarding staying in Singapore for too long haha.. Inside me there's a deep need to explore, discover new things, find the unusual.. Which I cannot satisfy in Singapore, but in a funny way, I find all that in capoeira for now.. Like, instead of discovering places I'm discovering things I can do with my body I've never had confidence to try before (bridge! and in the process of learning cartwheel and handstand hehe..). It's such a good channel for all my restless energy that this summer holiday, while waiting for the result of my internship application in Beijing, I'm really thinking I should just give up the internship and stay in Singapore to practice capoeira.. Creepy.. I even think that it's okay if I don't travel at all and just stay for 3 months in Singapore.. I tell you, anything that can change my "Singa-phobic" mindset this far is pure magic hahaha..

Capoeira.. makes me love my body haha.. Well, I've always believed in living healthy, eating nutritious food, exercise etc, but this is the first time I stick to a quite vigorous exercise routine for some time, and am so glad I did! The first few weeks, I can feel my arms toning up (the beginning of biceps! Yay!) so I'd just be narcissistically feeling my own arms several times in a day hahahahahaha.. Other side effects include firmer thighs and a rather flat stomach..But it might just be my imagination.. Seriously, though, one of my seniors was talking about body-builders who have such bulky, glistening muscles but can't even reach out far because the muscles are too tight.. and said, "Don't train your body based on what you want it to look like, but on what you want it to do." Wow such a change of mindset! I love my body because it allows me to do many things, and I hope this repertoire will continue to grow as I become a better capoeirista!

Capoeira.. empowers me.. Well I don't know if it's capoeira per-se or just the fact that I now exercise regularly, but the energy level I have is very, very useful for studio.. I've been having some rough weeks with my tutor and honestly it sucked out all my energy and optimism.. After a bit of roda (a kind of capoeira sparring) though, I'd feel a lot better and not so mentally drained.. Am very thankful that..

Ah, and of course it 'forces' me to take better care of myself.. Like, me being an archi student, the tendency is just to work work work especially when an idea grips me.. I'd work till 3, 4 AM then feel a bit dazed the next day.. Capo made me think twice about abusing my body that way because, hey, I cannot be dazed in the roda! Went to a training session with such a lack of focus once that when other people were kicking I was basically just turning around huhu.. So yeah, new habit, no late nights the day before capo practice, and it's great incentive to manage time haha..

Plus, I force myself to drink milk *Ewww... but necessary to build muscles what to do..*. Oh, and still regarding food.. Having regular exercise make meals more enjoyable.. It's a whole "I'm-rewarding-myself-cuz-I've-been-good" thing and I see nothing wrong with that.. Bimbo-ish as it sounds ,the freedom to eat what I want without fear of getting fat is SO liberating! And the first bite of food after rigorous training session is just.. Ahhhh....

Lastly, the best part of capoeira: fellow capoeiristas! Still wondering how come so many fun people conspire to all gather and join one CCA haha.. probably has to do with capoeira's Brazilian roots.. The people in the club are the ones that make me eager to go to each training session, and just brings a whole load of fun.. Capoeira is unique in this way because in the roda seniors and juniors will train together, no matter what level, and it bonds the whole club.. I still do solitary exercises like jogging and night swimming since it makes me relaxed before I sleep.. but for the ultimate high.. CAPOEIRA!

A bit of relief..

2010-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

... because da mistress is back in my arms... Fiuh!

Was very nervous before studio this afternoon since it's been 5 weeks of consecutive slamming (i.e. whatever design and analysis I presented was rubbish), and it really shook my confidence as a design student.. I mean, at one point my tutor was asking, "Do you understand what we are saying? Is it communication problem?"

Huhuhu...

Aaaaanyway, sms-ed a friend to ask for moral support, and this is what he said, "Haha.. at this point in time, Jesus was having it rough too. Worst came on fri for Him but when sunday came he was partying HARD.. my take on holy week ;p"

Wow.. ok studio is indeed a minuscule thing compared to crucifixion! But the sms reminded again that God is around.. As much as I struggle with believing a lot of things in the Bible, I still find life is more meaningful when I believe in Him.

Hufh... anyway studio went pretty good and I've now somewhat recovered my motivation to design.. All is well! It felt as if a curse has been lifted, really, and a very heavy load removed from my shoudelrs.. For the past few weeks, can't really focus on anything except thinking about studio and what the h*** went wrong.. Couldn't read non-archi books, didn't have any desire to learn French and Mandarin, didn't feel like doing anything for the other modules.. Quoting dodo bird, "Careful.. Archi consumes you from inside and then suddenly nothing's left". Freaky and exaggerated as it sounds, it can be true sometimes.

Ah well, my oh-so-sexy mistress is holding my hand again.. C'est vraiment belle, la vie!

Accidents

2010-03-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

Was talking to dodo bird about how love is blind, and hence lots of "accidents" happen.. Here's a poem I found while randomly browsing, which relates to that...

Accidents Happen

Kids messing about in the backs of cars
Can sometimes cause accidents to happen
While accidents in the backs of cars
Almost always cause kids to happen

=D

2010-03-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
- Charles Dubois
__
You Know Better Than I - from "Joseph, King of Dreams"

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

__
Suddenly felt like listening to this song.. And it brought me back to some turbulent times where the lyrics felt so meaningful.. Life's good for now, calm yet satisfying, and no big battles, but listening to this song reminds me again that.. As much as I'm stubborn, as much as I often feel I have to go through things by myself, as much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, as much as I hate letting go of my questions and trusting in His silence..

I'm here, able to look back on my experiences with strength and a smile, only because of Him.

The Simple Truth...

2010-03-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

While walking back from capoeira practice yesterday:
"..when a girl is watching, a guy's strength and ego double, while his intelligence is reduced by half..."

For the record, a guy said it, not me!

The Library Hotel

2010-03-22T01:27:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ok I needed to get that out of my system.. Was randomly browsing useless websites as usual, when I came across an article on Library Hotel....

I mean....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DREAM COME TRUE!!!!!!

Always wanted to stay in a library hahaha.. so perhaps this can be somewhat a fulfillment of that wish.. Here's a piece of the review:

"Do you like books? Do you really, really like books? Then the library hotel is where you’ll want to stay if you visit New York City. Every floor and room is dedicated to a different category in the Dewy Decimal system. Each room is full of books from its category and is decorated specifically to match the theme. With sixty rooms in all there’s something for every guest, from philosophy to mathematics to erotic literature."

To be able to stay there and book a room-full of architecture books? or fairy tales? or adventure? or detective novels? Waaa....

Oh well it was recently crowned Best Luxury Hotel in the United States though, so even if I get to New York I'll need to have made it as a landscape architect hahaha... Still, it makes me really happy to know that such a place exists.. Who knows, they might decide to open a branch in Singapore! ;p

Here's the link to check out their rooms if you're interested:
http://www.libraryhotel.com/photo-gallery/index.cfm
___
"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library."
- Jorge Louis Borges

On F*ck

2010-03-21T00:19:00.001-07:00

Was reading about swear words (can't remember where though) and how they used to really mean something.. It was an article about a guy lamenting that, in his time, when someone used swear words, he will get attention right away.. you know that the situation was getting serious and that was a warning to tread carefully. These days, however, people throw around swear words like it's really nothing.. Another studiomate said before, swear words are like punctuations that should be sprinkled all over.. Still another said, 'F*ck* is supposed to replace noun, verb and adjective all at once. (As in, "F*ck you, you f*ckin' f*ckface!")

Hmmm... reading that made me reflect on how I'm so used to the F word now that I hardly give a thought if someone said that around me.. When I first came to Singapore *Ahh the old days when I was an innocent snowflake.. haih..* I would really flinch when someone said it.. Up till JC time, I was forcing one of my classmates to say "Fiddlestick" instead of "F*ck" in my presence hahaha.. Somehow, thanks to certain beliefs I held, I partly judged a person's morality based on their tendency to say the word, "F*ck"...

Fast forward to university.. And the climate in Architecture is such that there are just too many occassions that merits saying the word "F*ck".. From rejected proposals, having to stay over on weekends, spilled ink, injured fingers when cutting models, running out of model materials, three deadlines in a week, etc etc etc.. Even the tutors say it sometimes... I still remember one of the first nights I spent in studio, I happened to sit near two rather explicit studiomates.. And ended up hearing more "F*cks" than I've heard the whole of my JC life..

Oh, there was an occassion when I said it too.. Can't remember why, but it was year 1 sem 1 also.. The thing was, it was accidental, but the moment the word came out of my mouth, my studiomates went quiet (They knew my aversion to the F word) and with disbelief in her face, one of them asked, "What did you just say? Did you really just said what you said?"

Talk about impact..

I've progressed (regressed?) since then. I no longer think that the tendency to say "F*ck" has anything to do with one's morality (Unless that particular person happens to have what we call a 'f*ckface'...). I no longer flinch when some friends say 10 "F*cks" in 10 seconds (Oh yeah it happens...) I say it whether accidentally in my mind, or purposely when talking to someone I'm rather pissed with or felt that I had to show my "bad girl" side.. (Hmm.. I didn't realize how silly it sounds till I write it down.. Some self-reflection is clearly needed.. )

Reading that article, however, kinda makes me miss a time where I can take the word "F*ck" seriously, and friends went deathly quiet when I said it accidentally because it seemed it really meant something...

The article went on to say, that because now swear words have lost their impact and meaning, society becomes more violent... As in, if words lose their meaning, then actions will take their place, no? So, to show you're really pissed, just saying "F*ck" is not enough, you gotta go in and bash the guy!

Actually you know what? Starting this moment I'm back to taking swear words seriously.. I want my words to have meaning and impact when I say it, and I still want that reputation of "Don't f*ck with me when I say 'F*ck'!" hahaha..

On the funny side of things, in the Architecture department saying "F*ck you" will not generate much reaction, but what will get people's attention is if you put an architectural term behind the F word.. As in, "F*ck context!" , "F*ck Modernism!", "F*ck Corbu!" (Oh yeah!)

Now that will have an impact for sure!

Falling Slowly

2010-03-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me and always fool me
And I can't react

And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black..

- Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard

How deep is your love

2010-03-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

Msn conversation between me n an archimate, ** (Name disguised but I have asked his permission to write this up..)

** : "She just sms me.."
Me: "Hooooo...."
** : "That's the most impt thing happened today.."
Me: "Hooooo...."
** : "Nothing else matters...."
Me: "lalalalala..."
** : "Not even architecture..."
Me: "Hoooooooooooooooooooo..... am so gonna put this conversation in my blog!"

The situation is indeed serious =D

Paris 26 Gigapixels

2010-03-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

Paris... Ahh... Ok ok I'm still content to be in Singapore (am planning some summer trips anyway haha..), but it still feels good to ogle around the amazing roofscapes of Paris...

Paris 26 Gigapixel is a photography project where one can see a very high resolution of a panoramic photograph of the city, and I gotta say the result is amazingly detailed.. I can see the little lanes with the cafes, the intricate domes of the monuments, the Eiffel, of course, and just rows and rows and rows of those chimneys I fell in love with while in Paris..

Check it out: http://www.paris-26-gigapixels.com/index-en.html

And now, back to work...

CAPOEIRA!

2010-03-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

Ah, capoeira.. (For those who don't know what it is, go and find it on Wikipedia!)

Been coming to the NUS capoeira club for about 6 sessions now.. and love every minute of it! The irony is that I only thought of trying out capoeira because I read about it in a comic before, and the club schedule happens to fit mine..

Hm.. Even though I was so excited to write about it just now, I can't seem to start anywhere now hahaha.. But the mere fact that it's all at once an art, a dance, a game, a fight... The history of the game.. The music.. The energy.. The camaraderie.. Aaaaahhh I get high just thinking about the roda haha.. Roda is the the circle of people in which 2 in the middle will play capoeira and the rest will make music.. Even watching from the side is rather addictive! (As obviously I am at the lowest level of the ladder yet ;p )

Oh well, since I can't seem to write properly now, here are some videos just to show what capoeira is all about.. The first video is a 'light' glimpse to it - a scene from Ocean's 12. The actor who played the scene, Vincent Cassel, is an actual capoeira practitioner. The second is capoeira, Angola style, which means the game is played more slowly, with more emphasis on feints and planning ahead the moves. The third one is an actual capoeira roda, regional style, where the 'fight' aspect is more emphasised and the game is much more fast-paced.

After watching the videos, I think some people's reaction will be, "Waddahell was that??" At this point allow me to say that: capoeira rox!! And I'll try to explain why in the next few blogposts =D

Capoeira não sai da minha cabeça
Capoeira não sai do coração
Capoeira quem joga é mandingueiro
Capoeira é jogo de irmão

(Capoeira won’t go out of my head
Capoeira won’t go out of my heart
Capoeira who plays is a mandingueiro
Capoeira is a game of brothers)

Some ass-kicking...

2010-03-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

..that, honestly, I really need to hear. Got "slaughtered" by my tutor yesterday because, after a good beginning analysis and concept, I had no development. The gist of it:

"Don't talk. Design. Don't try to do so many things. Focus on the studio."

Hufh.. A well-deserved slap on the face.. I want to be so many things, that's true, but before all that.. I want to be a designer.. 1.5 years left and I can't afford to fool around.

A quote by Michael Leboeuf:

"When you write down your ideas you automatically focus your full attention on them. Few if any of us can write one thought and think another. Thus a pencil and paper make excellent concentration tools."

And some by Anthony Robbins:

" ...it is your decisions on what to focus on.. that determines your ultimate destiny.."

"One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want: we never direct our focus. We never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular."

"Goals.. are simply a tool to concentrate our focus.. direction.. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term. It's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting self-fulfillment."

Morning Inspiration..

2010-02-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

"Les choses les plus belles sont celles que souffle la folie et qu'ecrit la raison. Il faut demeurer entre les deux, tout pres de la folie quand on reve, tout pres de la raison quand on ecrit."
- Andre Gide

*Rough translation: The most beautiful things are inspired by madness and written by reason. We must remain between the two - closer to madness when we dream, closer to reason when we write."

Kata- Kata...

2010-02-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

Barusan baca2 lagi hasil tulisan2ku tahun lalu.. Aku sering mencatat quote2 yang aku baca di satu buku, kalau nggak ditulis di blog. Dan, aku menemukan ini, meskipun sama sekali lupa dari buku apa:

"Lebih baik menunggu orang yang kamu inginkan daripada berjalan bersama seseorang yang tersedia. Lebih baik menunggu orang yang tepat daripada mencomot orang di sekelilingmu untuk dijadi-jadikan cinta. Hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk dijalani bersama orang yang salah."

Kata-kata yang membuatku kembali ingin jadi orang yang bijaksana =)

More quotes...

2010-02-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

Been talking nonsense with fellow archimates..and below are some of the results...

"Love is overrated. Just like sustainability."
-Dodo

"Never underestimate small things. Many island forests started from just mere bird shit."
- the gist of LA4202 Planting Design lesson yesterday

Do: "Ahh.. affairs.. it's a nice feeling.."
Me: "Yah rite. The main catch is not even clear, how to call it an affair.."
Do: "Eits, that's why we're architect wad.. we always stay in the grey zone..."

"Just now my tutor was telling us.. how to be a successful architect.. he says, to be a succesful architect, like TKS, gotta have many wives..."
- Dodo

*wah you realize all this nonsense is actually generated from talking to just one person.. hm..hahaha*
__
And a not-so-nonsense quote while talking with a good friend of mine:
"I had a good conversation with my cousin last night.. I enjoyed the conversation, because I could be myself, I could be real..."

It got me thinking right away, how many people can I safely say knows the REAL me? Hmmm....

Home At Last?

2010-02-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

As usual, too much coffee since tomorrow is interim submission.. Resulting in a somewhat reflective mood haha...

Hmm.. these past 2 weeks.. I got the strange feeling that, at last, I'm settled down in Singapore.. Like, I really appreciate the way Singapore works, and I admit that the city is beautiful.. I enjoy the familiarity, the calmness, the privilege to hear multiple languages being spoken and meet so many nationalities since Singapore is a point of transit... Ironically, this renewed appreciation partly comes from my desire to get out of Singapore often and just travel.. After seeing how barren cities can be, like Manila, and how bloody freezing cold climates elsewhere can be.. How boringly one race/language most other countries are .. well, every time I'm basking under the sun surrounded by lush raintrees, I feel happy... Every time I hear the MRT announcements in 4 languages or see advertisements in various languages I appreciate them..

Another part of it is that, finally I've found a community of interesting people to hang out with (CS!) and something outside studies to be passionate about (capo!). As much as this sounds like a cliche, it's true that the people make the place haha.. Went to some hang out places I've visited so many times, but somehow they feel really different since I was with a bunch of new, exciting people.. Singapore, my epitome of everything boring and artificial, is starting to give me a very different impression..

Was doing my design work, looking out at the green expanse of grass outside studio.. and feeling content, just content.. Suddenly staying for another 3 years in this sunny little island doesn't seem so bad at all..

Hmmm.... should I be happy with this unexpected development or be bloody suspicious that the gov***m*nt has been putting some stuff to screw my brain cells in the drinking water....?

Quoteworthy...

2010-02-23T06:19:00.000-08:00

"..my right brain has nothing left, and my left brain has nothing right.. how to do tutorials???!!"
- K.Y.M

"Drug addicts never grow old... because they die really young."
- graffiti on a wall in Manila.. saw it in a studiomate's photo

An Architectural Education

2010-02-19T02:04:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile since I've analysed something other than people and emotions.. In fact, I'm getting rather fed up with those subjects.. After wasting quite some time feeling gloomy, I need something to cheer me up, and what better subject than.. Architecture!!

Landscape + Architecture.. I want both!

During the very hectic time organising the ArchiTours '09 last year, I had the chance to hear a lot of architects speak, and reflect on my own thoughts, beliefs.. I came to the conclusion that, well, 3 years of architectural education has not shown me how to be an architect, it merely made me discover what kind of Architect I want to be...

Masalah Bertahan..

2010-02-11T16:41:00.000-08:00

"Poyan..."
"Ada apa, De?"
"Bagaimana kita bisa tahu kapan waktunya untuk menyerah, dan kapan waktunya untuk bertahan?"
Mendengar pertanyaan Luhde, Pak Wayan berbailk. "Poyan juga tidak pernah tahu," jawabnya lugas.
"Dulu, poyan memutuskan untuk menyerah, membiarkan ibunya Keenan memilih orang lain. Kapan poyan merasa bahwa itulah keputusan yang tepat?"
"De, sejujurnya, apakah itu menyerah, atau justru bertahan.. Poyan tidak pernah tahu. Bahkan sampai hari ini. Apakah ini menyerah namanya? Barangkali betul begitu. Tapi dalam apa yang disebut menyerah, poyan terus bertahan. Poyan tidak tahu. Tapi hidup yang tahu."

Perahu Kertas

2010-02-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

Potongan dari buku Perahu Kertas karangan Dee (Supernova).. yang puitis, yang lucu, yang menyentuhku...
__

..Luhde menunduk sebentar, seperti mengumpulkan kekuatan. Saat ia mendongak, sorot mata itu beubah total.
"Saya perlu tahu sesuatu. Kenapa Keenan ingin bersama saya?"
Keenan tergagap mendengar pertanyaan yang sama sekali tak diduganya. Lama akhirnya ia baru bisa menjawab. "Karena.. saya sudah memilih kamu..."

..."Keenan lebih baik pulang ke Jakarta. Itu jauh lebih berguna. Apa yang Keenan cari bukan di sini."
"De, kalau memang saya harus pergi,saya rela. Tapi, tolong kasih tahu saya sekali lagi..kenapa?"desaknya.

"Saya belajar dari kisah hidup seseorang. Hati tidak pernah memilih. Hati dipilih. Jadi, kalau Keenan bilang, Keenan telah memilih saya, selamanya Keenan tidak akan tulus mencintai saya. Karena hati tidak perlu memilih. Ia selalu tahu ke mana harus berlabuh.."

Interesting Turns..

2010-02-07T05:23:00.000-08:00

Gotta say that yesterday, though tiring as hell, was a really cool day.. Finally some really interesting experiences in Manila! We had lunch with a community that lives in a rehabilitated slum - now it looks like anything but a slum.. small but really nice houses. The thing is, the lunch was very unusual and supposedly it came about from meals prepared for US Marines before going to battle..

When we reached the village outdoor space, there were rectangular tables lined up, forming one long table, but instead of tablecloth, the tables were laid with banana leaves. "Creative," I thought, but nothing special. Then, we were told to wait somewhere else while the food was being prepared. When we came back.. whoa, in the middle of that long table food was laid out directly without any plates! There was a long line made up of small mounds of rice, noodles, chicken, mango salad, salted egg, rice, noodles,etc repeated several times..

"Wow this is getting interesting!" I thought. Roma, our co-ordinator, shouted "Aha!" three times before eating, just like soldiers going into battle (though I assume soldiers won't exactly shout 'Aha!' but something more macho/violent..)
Roma: "Ok! Now you can attack the food! You must eat with your hands..."
*No problemo, I thought.. We cool Indonesians do it all the time..*
Roma cont'd: "...and before you feed yourself, you have to feed 3 other people first.."

???!! Well, I happened to be standing in front of my architecture tutor, and I have nothing against him, really, but the idea of feeding your tutor with your hands, and vice-versa? Uhhh......huhuhuhuhu.... In the end, got it done, with my tutor helpfully starting, saying "Ok, so what may I feed you?" hahaha... It was really fun to do it with studiomates though haha.. This is what it looked like after about 20 minutes..

Next up, we volunteered to help build houses for Gawad Kalinga.. which means.. it's time to don my construction worker persona again! *Shiela versi kuli semen pun muncullah...Eng-ing-eng!* We dug, scooped, dug some more, compacted soil, etc etc, your typical preparation for building house foundation. The irritating thing was that there was some other building demolished already on the site so digging was such a tiring and torturous job.. There was more rubble than soil. Teammates were great though, and trying to speak Tagalog to the Philippines people who helped build also was fun. Plus, call it a fetish if you will, but I think my studiomates all look totally cool in construction-worker-mode hahaha... Pretty amazing how holding a spade can transfrom the usually-metrosexual archi guys...

Ate some really good food too, these few days. There was 'turon' , banana wrapped in rice paper skin then deep fried, eaten with a sauce made from mango, jackfruit and some milk I think..*photo also will be uploaded ASAP* And trust me readers, this sauce is heavenly!! Oooooh!!! In the end I was just scooping some sauce into banana leaf pieces and slurping it haha.. I think it's the best thing I've eaten here so far.

There was also coconut juice with evaporated milk.. It's the usual young coconut water and flesh (what we call 'kelapa muda' in indonesia), but mixed with ice and thick, sweet milk.. It's so good I wonder why no one outside the Philippines had thought of it before... at least, not that I know of..

Lastly, there's the friendliness of the people I meet in and around the rehabilitated areas, some of the poorest areas of the Philippines. It really touches me that they prepare such good food for us, and when we went around site surveying, they were accompanying us, greeting us, asking us if we need any information at all.. According to Roma from Gawad Kalinga, previously some of these people live without any dreams, any dignity.. When the social workers came to talk to them, they would look on the floor.. Now, when I go around the site I can see that they are proud of their houses, their gardens, their lives...

I'm touched by Roma, who told me her story of giving up a high-flying accountancy job to be a social worker... She's only 24, but holds an important position in Gawad Kalinga, not least because she can speak 3 Philippines dialect that makes it easy for her to communicate all over the Philippines. She said that her parents were very upset when she gave up such a well-paying job for helping the poor, and yet, she wants to be able to say that while she is young and idealistic, she did what she could to make a difference. It makes me think again about Indonesia, and what I can do for my country, and strangely, also about China, and what I can do for my heritage.

3 days to go, and I'm glad I'm in this trip.

Encore Manila..

2010-02-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

Something about Manila that I kept wanting to write but keep forgetting. There are a lot of tranvestites here! Like, a lot.. Or maybe it's just so much more than I expected since most Philippinos I come into contact with are members of my church and that becomes my impression of the Philippines..

Oh well..

5 days have gone by.. kinda can't wait to go back to Singapore and shut myself in my room reading haha.. I've a bit too successfully converted my room into a cosy personal library..

Fortunately though, to make time in Manila pass faster, I've been reading great books since I came.. finished 'Perahu Kertas' by Dee, and am reading 'The Angel's Game' by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. The latter is about an author who got paid to write a religion from scratch... not write about a religion, mind you, but write a religion.. Concocting his own brew of myths, stories, miracles, characters.. And meanwhile, he got involved in murders, intrigues, scandals, and love affairs... Such is the world of Carlos Ruiz Zafon... His previous book 'Shadow of the Wind' is one of my favorite also. Back to the book, then, reader.. Fare thee well!

"You don't look well," he pronounced.
"Indigestion," I replied.
"From what?"
"Reality."
"Join the queue."
- conversation between David Martin and Senor Isaac, a.k.a Guardian of the Cemetery of Forgotten Books

Morsels from Manila (3) - Unslumming Slums

2010-02-04T05:16:00.000-08:00

People here eat tofu by first deep-frying it, then drenching it with soya sauce and scallion topping.. which is just the way I love it.. yum!

That aside, yesterday we began work in an area that was previously one of the worst slums with a notorious reputation - the Manila people love to say that in the past when you ask taxi drivers to take you to Baseco they would refuse wholeheartedly, since it was filled with criminals. However, after a devastating fire, a Philippines charity group called Gawad Kalinga (will write more about them. My utmost respect for them.) has been working to convert the slum area into a community village, and it does work. The whole place is very lively, especially in the evening, that it felt great just walking along the streets and looking at people chatting, eating, kids playing all kinds of games, running, rooster and dogs around... It illustrates perfectly well the Jane Jacobs mantra: "Eyes on the street", since almost everyone knows everyone else, and as the result the street feels like someone's living room instead of just a strip for vehicles to pass by.

Work has been quite fun, though for the most part I spent my time drawing cartoon characters for the kids instead of doing fieldwork huhuhu... I love it when they come to me, say words in Tagalog, like "Paruparo!" (butterfly) or "Itik!" (chick), then I would refer to my little Filipino-English dictionary, check out the word, exclaim an enlightened "Ah! ok.." and proceed to draw on pieces of paper or their hands hahaha.. After some time, some of the kids called me "Ateh drawing" huhu.. "Ateh" means big sister in Tagalog. To be honest,I learned basic level of Tagalog, like asking what's your name, where's your school, how many siblings you have,without even realizing it.. thanks to talking to the kids.. I must've looked like an idiotic foreigner trying to chat with 5 kids at once while consulting a mini phrasebook at the same time, but hey it pays off! ;p

That aside.. working the whole day in an area where people are just blatantly poor, then coming back to a comfortable hostel and eating a nice dinner.. I don't know exactly how to behave or what to think.. Selfishly, I'm coping by telling myself that at least during the day I'm working to try and see what we as designers can do for people..but who am I kidding.. That's why I respect the Gawad Kalinga people so much.. I can really see the difference between the living conditions inside the GK villages compared to some of the nearby areas that are still slums, and it's at least comforting to know one can really make a difference with the right model, the right management, and a lot of money. (This last bit is really important.)

About the slums.. Walked through slums around Baseco and it's my first time really going into a slum area.. A slummed-up slum where the ground is made up of rubbish heaps, not soil, and people's houses are assembled from whatever materials they can find.. As an architecturally-trained student, there's much that can be analysed, admired even, since a slum really is an amalgam of people's determination to build, their creativity, economical thinking, and pure survival instinct.. Multiply that by the hundreds, continue adding layers, and you get a large slum like Baseco, Kibera (Africa) or Dharavi (India). Complex, to say the least. Can't say much, I really think pictures say more for these kind of things.

A clumsy farewell, then, readers.. Cheesy as it sounds, whatever your situation is right now -relationship problems, school stuff, family etc etc - just give thanks, just be grateful... because, if you're like me, people like us can't even comprehend how lucky ourselves are...

Morsels from Manila - part 2

2010-02-03T05:31:00.000-08:00

Hmm... I think I should write something interesting about Manila instead of just complaints, and so, here we go. One of the most interesting things about the Philippines, and Manila, is that it was influenced by so many cultures, so many races.. Hence,the resulting cultural amalgam is worth spending some time to tease apart and understand.

A bit of a history lesson: the indigenous Philippines people were very closely related to Indonesians, especially those from Sulawesi, which is just below Southern Philippines. Then came 400 years of Spanish rule, after which the Spaniards sold the Philippines for US$20 million to the Americans.( By the way, the name Philippines came about because the Spanish conquistadors dedicated the islands to King Philip II of Spain.) During World War II, the Japanese took over the Philippines, and after 3 years under Japanese rule it gained independence. (Disclaimer: bits and pieces assembled from conversations with people, including those responding to my very limited Tagalog, so take with a pinch of salt.)

Well, the presence of all these cultures can be seen in today's Manila. Philippino language has quite a number of words similar or almost similar to Indonesian, for example, 'mahal' also means expensive, 'pintu' (door), 'lelaki' (guy), 'anak'(child), 'nasi' (rice), 'gandum' (wheat) all mean the same things. 'pasuk' = 'masuk' (enter), 'kris' = 'keris', etc.. and they also have a musical instrument they call 'kolintang', the exact same thing as ours. In terms of food.. the snacks and cookies are very similar to Indonesia.. people eat a lot of chips (kerupuk, which here they call 'chicarron') made from rice, cassava, tapioca, corn, jackfruit etc. When I was walking past a market that sold traditional Philippines cakes (kue!) I felt I was right back in Indonesia, it was kinda surreal hahaha...

The Spanish influence is also present in food.. It's common to find people selling 'turron', which is a typical Spanish snack (that I had a good time trying out when I was backpacking in Spain.. aah.. those Gaudi and Calatrava buildings..). Their marks are also imprinted on the design of the Philippines traditional costume (Go ahead, you want to google it don't you), which doesn't look like it belongs to a Southeast Asian nation at all, if you ask me. Until 1985, Spanish language was a compulsory lesson in school.To say "bye" , you can say "adios", and to this day people from Manila are called 'Manileños'.

The Americans.. thanks to their reluctance to learn any other language than English (just a little joke here..) left a very useful legacy: that the average Philippino / Philippina has a decent level of English, with reasonably good pronounciation. From the jeepney driver, waiter, people on the street and even people in the slums, there is no problem communicating in English. Ah yeah, and today when some people saw my totally ang-moh (that's Caucasian for those who don't speak Singlish..) looking German tutor pass-by, they shouted: "Hey Joe! Joe!" hahahaha... (I think it refers to this - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Joe - but I'm not sure)

Lastly, the Japanese.. in some parts of Manila, the shop names and advertisements include a lot of Japanese writings.. and Japanese food seems to be quite popular.. but so far that's all I managed to gather....

As for Philippines culture itself, I'm still learning, though actually several incidents convinced me it's just the same as in Indonesia. One interesting point might be, here popular eateries are called 'turo-turo', which means 'point-point', where several containers of dishes are arranged and you just point to what you want. That certainly saves me from learning the Tagalog names of dishes!

And for now, babay! (that's 'bye' in Tagalog)

Terribly Terrible Taxi Drivers

2010-02-03T05:00:00.000-08:00

Day 3 of 11, and sad to say, in my eyes Manila has not redeemed itself.

Most of my disappointment has to do with the taxis.. Readers be warned: Manila taxi drivers do not know Manila streets.. as in, they get lost very often and even the taxi drivers have to ask the police, people on the way, etc to get to the destination. We've taken taxi 4 times, to various destinations, and each time the driver did not know the way. Go figure. Plus, once I saw a taxi with a Phillipina lady stopping by the side of the road, and then both passenger and driver were talking to a policeman and pointing around, asking which way to go.

Wait, there's something worse. The drivers did not actually tell us that they did not know how to go!! It was like, "We want to go Santtillian street" "Sure" but after a few meters the driver would start mumbling to himself, then stopping by and asking people. And what's worse (yes it's just gonna get "badder and badder" from here...) is that you have to bargain for the taxi, even if they had put the meter on... Yep you read that right... So here's my story...

Was going to meet up with a friend in a hostel, and flagged down a taxi. "Do you know how to go to Saint Illian street?"
"Yes.."
Got in to the taxi, driver said, "What street did you say again?"
"Saint Ilian"
"Hm... mumble mumble.. I think I need to ask people, you know..."
"Oh. Ok." *thinking, whatever lah, as long as I get there, and luckily I wasn't in a hurry*
Driver asked," So, how much you want to pay..?"
Me: "Huh?"
Driver: "Because I need to ask around you know.. what about this, 200 pesos?"
This time, it hit me that he was asking me to pay more, probably because we would need to go round and round..
Me: "But you have the meter. It is still running, doesn't matter if we need to ask around."
Driver: "Hah...meter... hah..." *His face was like, 'who are you kidding man..what's the point of using meter..'
Me: "Never mind. Drop me now please, just at the side of the road over there."
Driver: "ok ok, what about like this, you pay 100 pesos?"
At this point I was just super-pissed that I insisted he dropped me at the side of the road, but in the end I agreed to add 20 pesos to whatever price is on the meter, which was 60 pesos. 20 pesos is about 80 singapore cents, and being someone brought up in a well-to-do family, in normal situations I would just pay whatever price is named, since the money would mean much more to the other person than to me. Well, I was just pissed and wanted to piss the taxi driver as well...

Later that night, I took another taxi with some friends, and this time, the taxi driver, again, said he knew where we wanted to go, and agreed to put the meter on, but ended up going round and round, stopping so often to read a map we brought, and speaking to us in Tagalog in a very patronizing tone that in the end I just wanted to strangle the guy.. I even suspected that he pretended not to understand English just so he could go around and charged us higher. (We were kinda directing him since we somewhat know the layout of this part of the city already)

When we got down from the car my friends had to chill me huhuhu... Went to get some drink, and while I was drinking a can of cold beer to cool down (I admit this had to do with my temper that time, the afternoon taxi incident passed through my mind, and I thought, "Wait a minute.. that guy wanted to charge me more because he needed to go around asking which way to go... he WANTED ME TO PAY MORE BECAUSE HE CANNOT DO HIS JOB???! WTH??!"

So yeah. Well I'm sure Manila cannot be judged just from the quality of its taxi drivers, but for now on, I am very negatively biased towards this city. 8 more days to go, let's see.

Morsels from Manila

2010-01-31T05:45:00.001-08:00

Manila... Touched down around 12 noon.. The Philippines is an amazing sight from above - Manila is surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges and well.. for me it seems like the city is surrounded by folded green velvet hahaha..

Anyway, found out that the Clark airport is actually around 2 hours car journey from the actual Metro Manila. Note to self: Do more research when taking budget airlines. Eventually we entered Manila, though.. and hey! I felt like I was back in Indonesia! Almost everything from the weather, the building types, the traffic, the cars, the scenery.... Oh wow.. The only different thing is that signs are in English and Tagalog. Found the hostel, located in quite an interesting area where all the street names are space objects (Jupiter st, Polaris st, Juno st, Orbit st etc). It's actually a studio apartment converted into a hostel, and very cosy! Great first impression of Manila....

... but things kinda went downhill from there.. Took the train to see sunset at Manila Bay (Interestingly, the sunset here is great because the air is opaque due to pollution..). Manila has 3 train lines with the trains looking like KTM (Kereta Api Tanah Melayu from Malaysia). Well, no problem with those, clean and good. Then we reached the Central Manila station.

Hmm... the station itself does not look like a Central Station because it was very dilapidated, and -gasp! - banally modernist.. Walked to Manila Bay, and uhm... reached Manila Bay... and saw a bit of sunset.. and that was it... The thing is, the whole walk consist of a rather barren pavement beside one long, wide concrete road and the so-called landmark buildings are mostly neo-classical cast-concrete entities smothered with pastel-colored paints. (Nothing personal against pastel colored paints.. It's just that I've seen enough of salmon pink and pale yellow Corinthian pillars in Jakarta.) The absence of street food is noticeable, though for the adventurous 'balut' - duck egg with embryo - is very easy to find. Then, there was the smoke, the cars (My apologies for contrasting Manila with the more charming bycicle-laden Vietnam), the smell.. Actually, the smell makes it kinda fun..As one walks, one is really assaulted with various kinds of smells, leaving one's imagination guessing as to what is the source... Hahaha...

As it grew darker, there's not much of street lamps, which, combined with the large scale of roads,pavements and buildings, and the barrenness of it all, creates a rather eerie atmosphere...

Oh, and the last thing... Manila is not a vegetarian friendly city.. not even pescatorian friendly! It was difficult to find vegetable dishes around *tho there's always Subway*. On the other hand, if you love chicken, then this is the place. As we walked along Jupiter st, there was no shortage of billboards with various smiling chicken characters (One of the greatest contradictions in life.. Chickens advertising for places that aren't exactly chicken-friendly..).

The most interesting thing in Manila is probably the jeepney, a special public transport modified from ex- US army jeeps. It's pretty long, and passengers sit in two long lines at the back facing each other while the driver is in front facing the road. Then, when it's time to pay passengers just pass coins from those at the back to those closest to the driver, and each time the driver receives and puts money in a box without really looking.. I wonder if the driver trusts the passengers so much to give the correct amount of money, or he's just got a sixth sense to know if it's correct!

Another good thing would be, everyone here speaks English pretty well, and signs are mostly bilingual, so if you're a traveler that doesn't like to learn a bit of local language (though then I would question your definition of 'traveler'), this is a pretty good place to start.

Well well, for now, that is my impression of Manila.. I know I'm painting a bleak picture of it, and I do hope it will change.. It's Day 1 out of 11, for goodness sake!

For now, though, magandang gabi! *Good night in Tagalog*

On China - Food!

2010-01-29T21:14:00.001-08:00

Even considering the risk of diabetes, these things are totally worth it!

Well, well.. It's impossible to talk about China without talking about its food *which, Wikipedia will tell you, can be traced back to 400,000 years ago... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Chinese_cuisine * I gotta say that I thoroughly enjoyed the food in China, whether in small restaurants or street stalls, and just in case you are wondering, nope I didn't get any stomach trouble at all.

Actually, street stalls are God-given since the food is so cheap - you can get pretty stuffed for the equivalent of S$1 - and the variety is great. Popular street food changes according to seasons. Since it was winter when I was there, the common snacks include jian bing (which is kind of like flour crepe with egg, spring onion, and wheat crackers inside), bing tang hu lu (the above photo, which is fruits on a stick, coated with sugar. The sugar melts too easily in summer so this is a winter delicacy. And man, when one bites that cold, sweet, crunchy layer of sugar, to reach the juicy mandarin oranges below...owwww...), and hong di gua (baked sweet potatoes.. They use oil drums as an oven haha..)

Another thing I cannot forget is the dumplings.. I had some dumplings stuffed with egg and chinese chives, and these hot, steaming dumplings just make you forget that outside the temperature is below freezing ;p Lots of stir-fried vegetable dishes available, and contrary to popular believe, you can find things that are not too oily / uses so much seasoning. Well, but it is true that Chinese food contains quite a lot of oil and sugar. One of my favorite drink in China is 'peanut milk', which is like soybean milk, just made from peanuts. It's sold in bottles and dang, they really didn't hold back on the sugar.. It tastes great, though.. Had a discussion with a friend on whether Chinese people will get diabetes and other diseases due to all this unhealthy food.. The thing is, most Chinese people I see are really not fat, considering the things they eat. Or maybe they just didn't eat as much as us, over-excited tourists who patronizes so many snack stalls we passed by in the name of winter survival.. Am suprised I wasn't really chubby by the time I got back..

Anyway, my moment of revelation about Chinese food came when my Beijing friend brought me to a commercial food court (Actually, the place looked like it is under Singapore management.. and the brand name is the same, I think it was Food Junction). Thing is, the place only has Chinese food and each stall specialises in a different Chinese cuisine, from different regions.. You've got Beijing, Shanghai, Henan, Sichuan etc, and that's when it hits me that so far I've been lumping an amazing variety of cuisine into one banal category- "Chinese food"- which clearly doesn't do it justice. I mean, it's a bit like lumping Italian, French and Spanish cuisine into one and calling it 'Western food'.

Talking about Western food, as much as you can, DO NOT eat Western food in China, because it's expensive and totally not worth it. I had a really lame tuna panini one night in Starbucks just because I was wondering whether Starbucks, as a famous Western brand, can serve decent Western food in China. (Answer: nope) Oh, and according to my friend, the only place to get decent coffee at a reasonable price is McDonald's. I didn't crave coffee when I was in China so I really don't know, but there you go.

But hmmm.. if you ask me if I crave some egg and chive dumplings right now....

The ChinaMania continues...

2010-01-28T06:29:00.000-08:00

classic Beijing snapshot.. ahh..

*Newsflash: Dissertation topic on Beijing, approved! Well technically it's about informal landscapes, but Beijing is chosen as a case study. Which means.. I can spend lots of time reading about a subject that totally fascinates me while calling it 'research' hehehe.. Now this is what you call 'work smart' *

Anyway, the more I read about China and Beijing, the more I want to try and live there, be a part of it all.. And the more frustrated I become when reading about all the destruction of cultural heritage that's going on.. And, on the grounds of cultural revolution alone, the more I hate Chairman Mao...

I can't pour in the jumbled up thoughts in my mind, but basically, the Cultural Revolution screwed China upside down by destroying traditions, destroying urban fabric, destroying appreciation of imperial China and the wealth of culture, beauty and refinement that it represents.. The maxim of the 'revolution' is to destroy the Four Olds - Thoughts, Culture, Customs, and Habits. I just find it ironic that the bits that should be preserved, like appreciation and pride for China's imperial history and the architectural manifestations is brainwashed away, while bits like corruption (which was rampant towards the end of imperial rule) came back right away after the Revolution and is still deeply ingrained. Talk about disastrous failure.

I've fallen in love with the hutong, no denying it. My view might be the naive, romantic outsider view that sees it as a very unique way of life that deserves to be preserved while the very people inhabiting these hutongs think they are sub-standard dwellings and want to move away to modern apartments. Then again, it is possible to make these places beautiful AND comfortable as well, it is a matter of political will and whether people view heritage as something important. I mean, look at all the famous European cities.. Paris, Rome, Venice.. what gives the city character are all the old buildings, and I don't mean the landmarks like Colosseum, but just the typical old housing.. Beijing is in the process of gutting itself and dang, few things are more painful than seeing something you love in the process of self-destruction..

I guess for now, I'll just have to accept that China and perhaps *though I hope not really* the majority of its people do not care about the priceless, irreplaceable architectural heritage that it is thoughtlessly destroying. After all, if the existence of rundown, neglected hutongs is still sinonymous with poverty, it is unfair for Chinese people too. Guess what I gotta do is be very, very passionate about saving the heritage I just fell in love with, and hope this passion infect as many people as possible..

On a side note, I read about an overseas American tycoon that started buying up old buildings in Beijing so that the government and developers cannot raze them.. He went to the extent that he took apart an old building in a soon-to-be-destroyed area and reconstructed it piece by piece somewhere else.. Wow.. The hua qiao blood in me is boiling already!

"A measure of any great city is its potential for accidental discoveries, those places without entrance fees and tour guides that make you want to stay longer in hopes of finding the next one. Despite the advanced stage of the Old City's destruction, Beijing still held this attraction."
- Michael Meyer, The Last Days of Old Beijing

2010-01-28T06:05:00.000-08:00

"Medicine is the only field that keeps fighting against the very reason for its existence."
- Bro DB quoting from somewhere..

"Curiosity is the lust of the mind."
- Thomas Hobbes

*When I read the quote above, I was stunned for a while, because.. well because it's so true! I've never thought of curiosity as a kind of lust.. but there really is no better way of expressing that chasing after, lusting after, knowledge and answers..*
__
A bit of update on life:
- I realised that I love travelling because I get to meet all sorts of interesting people, and I realise also that hey, am I that stupid that I can't find ways to meet interesting people in Singapore? So, did some stuff, and... life in Singapore is promising to be lots of fun at least for now..
- A surefire way to meet someone interesting: promise to yourself that wouldn't get involved in anything, with anyone, and really mean it. As soon as you do that, BAM! Temptations start coming. Tsk, that's life.

On China - People (2)

2010-01-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

getting to know the Chaoyang Library English Corner

Yups, the in-thing in China now is English corners where foreigners can drop by and talk with Chinese people - they have in in universities and libraries, as far as I know. Out of curiosity, went to one in Beijing, and.. well I guess you could see from the photo that I had a great time =D

The very inspiring thing was that there were grandpas and grandmas that speak way better English that some youngsters I spoke to, simply because they really aren't afraid to speak up. It was very interesting to speak to them as well, because they grew up during the Mao era and saw how China changed.. we were talking using lots of vocab like "reactionary", "Red army", "commune".. Heavy stuff, hey.. *btw the Chaoyang Corner is made up of around 50 people, the people on the photo were part of my group hehe*

So yeah, the 'system' is that the class gets divided into groups based on how many foreigners come in, then we just chat around. Surprisingly in my group there was a guy who knew a lot about Indonesia, because he was a travel agent. I learnt how to say 'Bandung' in Mandarin hahaha.. And being a 'hua qiao' *overseas Chinese* put me in the exotic category, somewhat.. there were some people from my grandpa's region! *Fujian* Was speaking Fujian with them though my Fujian accent is waaaay lousier compared to my Chinese accent.. The thing about language is, as with everything, it's not just what you say but how you say it.. I don't mean the accent, but the sincerity and the desire to communicate.. We were also using a lot of hand gestures and smiles, and well, let's just say I felt really at home I was sad to leave the class..

There were other foreigners of course, and they really spoke Mandarin! Hardcore man, one American guy even told a Chinese joke which instantly earned him enormous favour. Actually, some foreigners I met in China were really into Chinese culture and language, which.. made me a bit ashamed... *sudden awakening of Chinese roots..yeah..* The student I met on the night train also said it's kinda amazing how these foreigners come and learn so much about China that they actually know more stuff than the average Chinese person.. Hats off to them..

But back to Chinese people. Am glad to say that the friendliness and sincerity of the people I met *At least the Beijingers and Dong Bei people.. Shanghai people supposedly aren't that friendly...* spurred me to really learn Chinese culture and language.. Three weeks of travelling did more to me that years of forced Chinese tuition, parents' prodding, desire to read comics.. I believe now that the very strong longing to communicate with other people is the best motivation to learn a language.

On an additional note, a lot of Chinese people are excited to learn English, I think. On one occasion, I was going to have lunch in a small restaurant with a friend, and we had difficulties with the menu. *Photos but no English* So, we asked our waiter if anyone there could speak English.. She went to the back room and a few moments later came out together with another girl.. Before that girl came to our table, she looked hard at the other waiter as if asking for encouragement, then shouted *yeap, shouted, the whole restaurant could hear* "ALRIGHT LET'S GO!" like she was going for a sports competition =D China is fun fun fun!

China Diaries - On People (1)

2010-01-24T04:16:00.000-08:00

Alright, won't keep postponing all the stuff I want to write about China, since I'll be going to Manila soon and then I'll have Manila to reflect on also.. and then I'll have thought indigestion huhuhu.. That's the thing about travelling.. Long after the actual travel is done, one can still savour, mull over, and learn from the experiences gained..

But on to the main points. I've written before of my HUGE inferiority complex of not being able to speak Chinese, and an image that stuck to my mind was of me being scolded/looked down on by some old/middle-aged/young (yeah I have an active imagination) Chinese person for looking like a Chinese but speaking like an American gone wrong..

Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, my inability to speak Chinese, coupled with the fact that for the most part I was hanging out with "lao wai"s, brought lots of fun to my travel. One of the first incidents was when I had to top-up my prepaid SIM card.. I kept replaying in my mind how to answer the possible questions..Whether I want a new SIM or just to top-up? check. The card value I want? check.
"Hi miss, I want to top up my SIM card, 30 RMB please.."
"Which $#%%$#%$fgregg?"
"What...? OH!" *I gathered that she meant which phone company*
"Uhm...uhm..." *tried to show label in mobile phone to her, but she couldn't read English huhu..*
In the end, I called my Beijing friend to explain to her which company did my SIM card subscribe to huhuhu.. and then, an old man inside the shop who had been watching my idiotic attempt to communicate approached me and asked, "Are you Korean?" *I get this a lot, somehow.."
"Ah no.. am Indonesian Chinese..that's why my Chinese is not good.."
"Oh don't worry, it's okay.. we are all still Chinese people.."

Needless to say I was morally buoyed by this show of solidarity haha.. The thing is, I don't know whether my luck is just good, but the Chinese people I met, from taxi drivers to waitresses to people on the street and the train, were very friendly and very accepting of me as a non-white foreigner.. It really made me fell in love with China.. No more inferiority complex!

The night train ride from Beijing to Dalian was particularly memorable.. I was struggling to hoist my backpack onto the top baggage compartment when a tall Chinese man came and helped me to it.. Then, he struck a conversation with me saying I must be a foreigner because Chinese people don't use backpacks.. A pretty and very soft-spoken lady joined in saying, "Yes, when you came in all covered up I thought you might be a boy.. your bag is so big!" They said something more and I didn't really understand, so another person, a student from Dalian, joined in to translate because his English was good.. And before I knew it I was talking about Chinese people, my impressions, my background, and asking about theirs too.. The Chinese man was a landscape architect! In the end we communicated through drawings because he wanted to know how vertical gardens are done in Singapore, and we pestered the student so often because the landscape architect would be saying something, and I'd have a blank face and turn to the student, and he'd say "Drainage.." Hahaha... And when the lady spoke it was with such soft tones that I realized the Chinese language is indeed beautiful..

At another time, was looking through pirated books *yes, a concept I really love.. will blog about it next time* when the vendor showed some English books to me and said "These ones are really good!" Amongst them was the book titled: "Why men marry bitches", so with my minimum Chinese I told the vendor, "Uncle..Do you know what this book says? It says here, good men likes naughty women...." And he blushed! I mean, HE BLUSHED!! And he just looked so adorable hahahahaha.. We both laughed and before I went off he said, "Yes, actually you are right.. Good men likes naughty women..." *Anyone wanna try to disprove that?* ;p

The Pain That Never Came

2010-01-22T22:24:00.001-08:00

Two days ago I went to consult a doctor on whether to pull my wisdom tooth, since I've been having some pain and I didn't want it to give me problems in Manila *going to Manila yay!*

Anyway, I had always been wary of visiting a dentist since I had a wisdom tooth pulled 3 years ago, and the dentist who did it was so rough that not only I had several ulcers thanks to his hasty maneuvering, the whole procedure felt like forever, I saw lots of blood going through the suction tube, and it became so traumatic..

Plus, 2 months ago I went to have a dental check-up and it was a young, also kinda rough doctor who did it, not to mention he seemed all haughty towards his Philippino assistant *never trust doctors with an attitude problem* He told me I gotta have my teeth pulled but, well, I don't wanna open my mouth in front of him ever again.

So. A hostelmate suggested a clinic in Toa Payoh; I went there and specifically asked the receptionist to give me an appointment with a gentle doctor. She said "No worries". Cool. Went in, it was another young *or at least young-looking* doctor.. but I could tell right away that he's a gentle destist! Hahaha..

It's funny really.. connecting with doctors is like connecting with people.. Some people you just instantly like and trust.. Anyway, when he was checking my teeth he was constantly telling me what's he doing, what was happening.. which is really cool since I hate doctors who just sit there and let patients wonder "ok what's going on..? What's gonna happen next...?"

Then comes decision time.. Do I or do I not let this doctor pull my teeth...? Ow heck, he told me "It's important for me that patients don't feel pain.. You just sit there, relax, and let me do the hard work.." Doc I love you!! True enough.. the tooth extraction lasted less than 10 minutes, it was really simple and he was soothing me throughout.. ("ok 90% out, don't worry...")

BUT, you say, of course I would feel no pain, I had been anaesthetized.. Precisely my thinking. Which was why I went back and was nervous the whole evening.. Waiting for my mouth to start feeling painful.. The doc said the anaesthetics would wear off around 8 PM.. Was ready in front of my computer, reading comics to distract me from any sudden feeling of pain.. Then, it was 9PM... 10PM... 11PM... Still no pain... Hmm... Decided to sleep cuz well.. I can't possibly wait for the pain to hit the whole night..

The next morning.. still no pain! Hmm... and, my friend told me, it's cool because no swelling either.. And here I am, 2 days later, still no pain and with my mouth healed such that I even forgot I have an extraction wound inside...

Oh wow, I've written that to lead a good life you gotta get 3 things right: what you believe, whom you marry, and what you do for living. Let's add a 4th, very very important point: Find a dentist you can trust!

On (Why I Wanna Stay In) Indonesia

2010-01-18T05:36:00.000-08:00

"It is a well known fact that we recognize our homeland the moment we are about to lose it."
- Albert Camus

Am in the middle of reading a very interesting book (Planet of Slums by Mike Davis), but well, I promised this article to a friend more than a month ago, so here goes...

Background: When I was in Australia, thinking about all the countries I've been to, I was compiling in my mind all the criterias of a country/ city I would like to live in. It then struck me that hey, Indonesia fulfills a lot of those criterias, but I've never ever before that considered going back to Indonesia to work, not even one bit. Well, I had a rethought, and here are all the reasons why Indonesia is now my no 1 candidate country for long-term stay:

1. Language
OK, I think most of my close friends know that I love the Indonesian language, even more than any other language, including French. There's something about Indonesian that allows one to be most poetic with the simplest sounds (unlike French which tends to be rather 'flowery'. Silly as it sounds, I can't live in a country where I don't like the language.. that's why I can't live in Vietnam though the country is so beautiful and the people so nice.. No offense to Vietnamese people, but well.. I can't imagine hearing it everyday, or having kids and have my kids learn Vietnamese.. Same with Singlish..

2. Size
I considered this when I was travelling in Europe, Australia, and then China, thinking how I would love to stay in a big country/ continent so on weekends I can go travelling to many places, without needing a passport hahaha.. I think this desperation to stay in a large country comes from living in Singapore for 8 years, worsened by the fact that so much of Singapore looks the same so you practically only entertain yourself with a very small proportion of area.. But yeah, Indonesia's size definitely guarantees that I won't be bored with the country.

3. Nature and its various manifestations
What I mean is, how in a country you can find everything from sea, mountain, desert, forest, large rivers, mudflats etc etc.. since I love going outdoors and trekking.. I realised just how cool it is to have a country with all these places in Australia, where you can be on the beach and in the forest on the same day. With some of the world's most pristine rainforests, Asia's largest rivers, most beautiful islands, scenic mountains and other things like rice terraces, Indonesia's clearly not lacking in this department.

4. Food
For Indonesians reading this.. Do I even have to elaborate..? The variety of food in Indonesia is simply amazing, and so flavorful! I mean, well Singapore has lots of food too, but mostly Malay, Indian, Western food etc assimilated into the culture. For originality and flavor.. go Indonesian. Plus, my number one most favorite food is very common in Indonesia but difficult to find outside Indonesia-Malaysia region: tempe. If you've never tried it.. Man, you're missing a lot..
Another factor, Indonesian street food is cheap and delicious *unlike Aussi and France where food, though really good, is also bloody expensive* . Well, ok, there's a risk of typhoid fever attached to it, but hey, that just means Indonesian food trains you to be stronger!

5. Friendliness of people
I don't really know how to explain this one, but trust me, Indonesians are among the friendliest people. Consider that when I travel I try as much as I can to interact with the local people and to date I've been to quite a lot of countries. Strangely enough, my Westerner friends who have travelled to Indonesia all agree with me that Indonesian people are really nice, while the Singaporeans are quite convinced Indonesians are out to cheat you =D

6. Education system
Right.. Somehow, a country's education system is an important indicator for me whether to stay there, and well, even if Indonesia's education system is not as cool as Sweden where they have forest kindergarten, or as liberal and humanistic as France, at least it leaves a lot of free time for kids to explore other hobbies.. Till now I'm really grateful that at least I spent my childhood in Indonesia. Though, I can't say anything regarding Indonesian universities.

7. Culture
I know that I can't stay in a place that's not beautiful, that lacks artistic/ creative people. Cities like Hanoi, Paris, Melbourne and Beijing with long history, beautiful buildings, and strong culture, I immediately fell in love with.. And yes, Indonesian cities, especially in Java, has very rich culture and history too. I especially love the depictions of wayang characters in batik art in Yogyakarta, but Indonesia has many other art forms including woodwork, silverware, exotic dances etc. Yeah, it's funny how when I grew up in Indonesia I never appreciate the diversity that we have, but now that I'm in Singapore and can only watch these things through youtube, I realize just how culturally rich my country is.

8. Ease to find a job, and cost of living
Well, several cities that I've visited so far fulfill most of the criterias above, the strongest contender being France and Australia, but what clinches the deal for Indonesia is that.. well.. if I go back, I'm technically not a foreigner, not an immigrant, so it will be way easier to find a job, compared to if I try to migrate to Paris or Melbourne..

So yeah, that's it. Oh and postscript, after coming back from China, though I fell in love again with Beijing, I know I'd love to stay in a tropical country for the long term, because I just love sun and rain.. and somewhat hates the fierce, biting winter I encountered in Beijing.

On China and World Domination

2010-01-16T04:55:00.000-08:00

OK, I have to admit that right now I'm just fascinated with all things Chinese, and especially all things Beijing.. Am currently reading the above book, which is really interesting. It's about the quest of an American family to try to live for one year without buying anything made in China.. and it's hillarious! Because panic sets in every time something is broken/needed.. From the simplest of things like toys (Some are produced in Indonesia and Thailand), shoes (Italian ones) to more unusual ones like inflatable swimming pool and mousetraps (homemade, but eventually they found some made in the USA) , the author had to use so much ingenuity to get non-Chinese ones, or - more often than not- give up on the thing altogether... There were some sobering facts, like how there is no such thing as a lamp made in the USA because nobody in the USA produce the parts. They're all outsourced to China... At one point the author was searching for children safety buoys and she was sure they would not be made in China because.. well, because one can trust China for trivial things like toys, but not for life-saving products like medicine and safety buoys...

No such luck. Everything on the isle was made in China.

..Which brings me to my point on world domination. The author wondered, what if one day China decided to stop importing lamp parts to the USA? How bad would it be hit? What if China stopped importing all the other things? I'd say USA would be hit pretty bad, and herein lies China's power.. It is powerful not because other countries fear China, but they fear the absence of China.

When I went to Australia, it's eerie just how every piece of souvenir is made in China.. My brothers and I noticed them mainly because those two anti-mainland China campaigners *yup those are my bros* were making jokes about how Chinese people would come to Australia and see that everything is 'homemade'.. It got me thinking about the appropriateness of giving out to people souvenirs made in China though they're supposed to be mementos of my trip to Australia.. I'd say the tourism industry is pretty big in Australia, and it's creepily funny that China has managed to infiltrate this industry in its own capitalist way..

So, if world domination is measured in the prevalence of the 'made in ______' label, clearly China is a world dominator (or dominatrix, if so you prefer..). Am thinking of starting my own experiment of living without things made in China, but something in me says I won't last long anyway, why bother trying..

P.S Funnily enough, I checked around my room to see just how many archi stuff are made in China, and actually, we can survive pretty well without anything Chinese, since Steadler pencils are made in Germany, A3 cartridge paper made in England, white glue made in Taiwan *ok I'm taking the stand that Taiwan's not really China..*, x-acto blades made in the USA.. Dang it explains why architecture is such an expensive course to study..

Oh but wait, Moleskines are made in China!

Resolution 2010

2010-01-15T05:22:00.000-08:00

When the clock struck 12, I happened to be lounging in a cafe in Beijing, with an architecture friend. They must've put something in the tea because we ended up spontaneously making a bet for the end of 2010:

I guess my work is cut out for me..

I'll be back...

2010-01-13T04:50:00.000-08:00

Last view of Beijing: snow sprinkled runway

... to China.....

Aaaaah China... Just came back home and dead tired but I feel that I gotta at least scribble a quick update (Just wanna relish the feel of my MacBook keyboard haha.. and kinda miss blogging since I had lots of thoughts but couldn't blog in China)

Aaaaanyway.. for those wondering how was China.. it was AMAZING..... Totally tops my expectations hahaha.. Had no problem with toilets and cleanliness at all, met so many interesting people, saw really cool *and cold!* places, and sorted out my loose threads hahaha..

Actually... I fell in love with Beijing.. huhuhu... Dang even the cold weather couldn't dampen my spirits when I was wandering around the hutongs.. The bare trees lent the whole city kind of a poetic air.. and the food... oh gosh the food... Will never look at "Chinese food" the same way again.. I admit that Singapore food is great for its variety, but I've always loved street food and the Beijing street food scene is just fantabulous!

Oh well, am gonna do a series of posts on China since I've got lots of thoughts about China and Chinese people haha.. This is just a glimpse on my current feelings towards China, especially Beijing, which is highly, highly positive.

On the other hand, since I started wandering around 2 years ago, this is the first trip where I actually missed Singapore.. haha.. and quite often, at that! Every time piercing cold wind blew on my face, I just automatically remember the Singapore sun huhuhu.. Thing is, Chinese winters are fiercely cold, and there's something about the realisation that you could DIE just by staying outside a bit too long, that gave me renewed appreciation for our great tropical weather. I love Singapore weather, that's for sure. *Oh and I realise European winters are for wusses.. Because even some guys from Sweden were conquered by the combination of -20 temperatures and really strong wind in Beijing..*

So yeah, really content right now since I'm back in this sunny little island, though missing Beijing a bit. Gonna try to find work / volunteer so I can go back to China in summer =D Excited about school and happy since this semester shouldn't be as busy as the last one. All pumped up on learning Chinese.. must improve!

But first... hoahm... Good night everyone!

On Principles

2009-12-26T23:45:00.000-08:00

Principles.. can only hold well if there are solid reasoning and foundation behind them.. Since re-examining my beliefs and slowly and agonizingly reconstructing them till now, my propensity to adopt principles and stick to them have suffered as well.

And so, for now, regarding other people I only have two:

1. Don't play with other's feelings

2. Don't lie to yourself

I think those two would already keep my hands full!

On Growth

2009-12-26T23:34:00.000-08:00

At last I realize this.. Friends can grow separately without growing apart, but lovers cannot, or can't afford to, since their worlds are supposed to be closely intertwined. This is why I'm wary of long distance relationships.. It's very difficult to grow while making sure the other person knows how you're growing, and meanwhile keeping track of how he/she grows too.. It's distracting, and suffocating.. And isn't the whole point of a relationship is to grow together, building each other up?

Somehow this is a liberating realization, and made it so much clearer to my mind the difference between friendship and relationship! *For the longest time, I thought relationship = close friendship + physical closeness. Needless to say I found out it's not that simple ;p *

Cina..

2009-12-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

Barusan ngepak kemaren malam.. dengan perasaan paranoid karena entah udah berapa banyak orang yang bilang di Beijing lagi dingin minta ampun, termasuk temenku yang orang Beijing.. Huhu.. Yah, kalaupun nantinya aku mati beku di Cina..

. . . .

Ok, mari ganti topiknya. Tadinya waktu memutuskan pergi ke Cina, cuma spontan aja *ok not that spontan sih.. Lebih tepatnya sih nekat..*, tapi semakin lama.. jadi semakin excited.. Bagaimanapun juga, itu dataran tempat nenek moyangku berasal, yang waktu kecil sering diceritakan papaku sebagai "orang-orang keturunan Naga". Nasib punya Bapak yang supporter Cina abis, aku tau bahwa orang-orang Cina itu dulunya ilmuwan, dokter, astronom, pelaut, sastrawan dan seniman yang handal2. Coba ya, kertas, buku, tinta, bubuk mesiu, sutra, kompas dan masih banyak lagi itu kan asal mulanya dari Cina.. Nggak lupa teknik arsitekturnya yang semakin aku dalami, semakin mempesona.. Belum lagi, kung-fu.. karena pada saat anak2 cewek lain mengidolakan Hanson, Westlife, 5566, Rain sampe kini Robert Pattinson, aku tetap setia pada Jet Li dan Jackie Chan, hasil 'didikan' papa dari kecil yang setiap ada film kung-fu baru bakal membonceng aku naik motor untuk nonton di bioskop.. *Salah satu kenangan masa kecil paling indah =) *

Tetep aja, sulit banget buatku untuk merasa 'Cina'.. Bahkan aku nggak bisa jatuh cinta dengan bahasa dan budayanya seperti aku jatuh cinta dengan bahasa Indonesia atau Perancis.. Padahal, bukannya nggak keren juga. Ada untungnya juga trip ke Cina. Untuk persiapan, aku banyak baca buku tentang sejarah Cina, Cina kuno, arsitektur Cina dan urban planning-nya budaya Cina dan cara orang2nya berkomunikasi.. Paling nggak sekarang aku lumayan curious tentang Cina. Baru nyadar bahwa menjadi "keturunan Cina" cuma berarti kakekku adalah orang Cina yang migrasi ke Indonesia, itu saja, karena soal budaya dan tradisi Cina, aku sama sekali buta. Deg2an juga karena mata sipitku pasti bakal bikin masalah kalo aku nekat ngomong bahasa inggris di sana.. Udah siap2 mental untuk dipanggil "Cina aspal" - asli tapi palsu..

Selain itu, anehnya Cina, apa yang dilihat di film, dibaca di buku2 filosofi, beda dengan apa yang kudengar dari sekeliling beberapa tahun terakhir ini..

Di film2, orang2 Cina punya nilai moral yang tinggi, rasa setia kawan, integritas, prinsip.. Tapi, coba, dari mulai guruku, teman, sampe papaku sendiri *seperti ditulis di atas, supporter Cina abis* bilang hati2 sama orang Cina, karena mereka itu paling licik, paling cari untung, penuh tipu daya.. Cewek2 Cina konon terkenal agresif, businessman2 Cina terkenal menghalalkan segala cara..

Dan lagi, idealnya, setelah melalui proses peradaban 5000 tahun, harusnya orang2 Cina itu sangat berbudaya.. Kenyataannya? Banyak teman2 yang pernah tinggal sehostel dengan orang2 Cina daratan cerita, yang katanya mereka jorok banget lah, suka ambil makanan orang di kulkas lah, kasar etc.. Tambahan lagi, katanya di Cina sekalipun, budaya antri itu nggak ada, orang2nya suka meludah sembarangan, toilet umum nggak bisa diharapkan *masukan dari internet, ditambah cerita trauma mamaku sendiri..*. Waktu tur ke Australia kemaren, sempat ketemu dengan banyak orang Cina, dan berhubung 2 adikku adalah 'pembenci Cina abis', jadinya mereka berdua malah terus-menerus observe kelakuan orang2 Cina itu, dan sering 'laporan' ke aku.. "Ci masa ya tadi ada bapak2 Cina, karena toilet cowoknya ada orang, dia cuek aja lho masuk ke toilet cewek.. Dasar orang Cina..", "Ci, tadi ya aku mo ngantri, trus langsung diserobot segerombolan orang Cina.. Dasar orang Cina.."

Well, well. Apa ya penyebab "keretakan" antara image orang Cina dalam buku2 sastra dengan di dunia nyata ini? Yah walaupun dalam kenyataan juga orang Amerika bukanlah superheroes Hollywood, dan orang India gak joget2 sesering itu... Apa gara2 "Cultural Revolution"nya Mao Tse Tung yang dengan gebleknya malah menyuruh orang2 intellektual pergi ke kampung untuk jadi petani sehingga sekarang budaya Cina jadi kental sifat "kampungan"nya?

Oh well, aku bakal punya kesempatan sendiri untuk pergi dan melihat kehidupan orang Cina, di pusat kebudayaannya lagi, Beijing. Let's see apa setelah ini aku bakal merasa lebih Cina dan lebih bangga mengaku keturunan Cina, atau malah aku menyamar jadi orang Jepang sekalian =D

The Buffet Theory

2009-12-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

As readers of my blog will know, I often try to understand relationships by comparing them to things.. Diseases, organ transplantation, car crash *you never know when you're gonna get hit, and to what extent you'll recover...* etc..

One of my favorite authors compared having a relationship to eating a buffet.. And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.. There are many flavours to savor, you like some and dislike some.. And someone fussy will of course have more difficulty finding a buffet to his/ her liking..

Then, you might get lucky finding a buffet spread so delicious that you just want to take more, more, more.. Each mouthful just makes you impatient for the next.. However, it won't be good if the buffet's full of greasy, sugary junk food.. Just like a relationship where one party is too focused on another party who might be very self-centered/ abusive is unhealthy.. The key here is to find someone so delicious you can't get enough of him/ her, yet so nutritious that the more you partake of the person, the more you get inspired, grow, become a better person.. *For those wondering if this sentence hints towards cannibalism.. Dude you're sick... Go get help!*

If the relationship ends.. Well, it's really like after a buffet, no? Some are so full they just want to stay off buffets for a while.. Some crave another feast they just plunge into the next available spread.. *Just a note, it's proven that people will eat more in a buffet and become more undiscerning with the food, i.e they tend to eat for the sake of eating..*

Going on, perhaps just like in a relationship (in my opinion anyway), in a buffet one must remember to eat moderately.. Restrain oneself a bit even if the urge is to devour everything.. Make it last as long and as pleasurably as possible!

"You are what you eat."

- general wisdom

Rasa2nya...

2009-12-26T04:44:00.001-08:00

... hidup gw mirip seperti cara jalan gw.. Sering kesandung, tapi jarang jatuh..

Patut dibanggakan nggak ya...?

On ( The Horribly Horrible Flaws of) Jetstar

2009-12-24T17:21:00.000-08:00

Well the purpose of this blog is not to rant about things, and besides rarely do I get ticked off.. But here's is an account of my worst flight experience after extensive travels around Europe, Asia and Australia.. FRIENDS, FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE AND SAFETY, DO NOT FLY JETSTAR. BASED ON THE INFORMATION I GOT, THEIR FLIGHTS ARE ALMOST GUARANTEED TO BE DELAYED, THE PLANES ARE NOT OF GOOD QUALITY, AND SERVICE SUCKS BIG TIME.

Ok here's why i'm now anti-jetstar:
1. when I first came to Australia through Darwin, the connecting flight was delayed 2 hours in the middle of the night, but fine, things happen sometimes, I didn't hold a grudge, but then..

2. on the flight back to Sg, i was supposed to take a plane from Cairns to Darwin, then Darwin to Sg. The plane was going to take off from Darwin and halfway through, the pilot BRAKED dammit.. after waiting for half an hour in the plane they told us it's not serviceable and they're gonna try to get another plane. That's 3 hours delay.

3. Thankfully reached Darwin, but then told that the flight from Darwin-Sg is delayed 5 hours.. so we're gonna board at 23.39.. and we received $10 meal voucher for compensation.. The staff was very unapologetic to the point of seeming rude..

4. Some people who had flights from Sg to somewhere else tried to work it out with the jetstar staff but were just told "Sorry we can't help you." A lady was in tears, going to miss a flight to Europe just like that.. That's at least S$1000 mind you..

5. Went to the lounge.. talked to other disgruntled passengers.. funny thing is, there were people from other flights tt were delayed as well BECAUSE THE PLANES WERE NOT IN CONDITION TO FLY.. some things wrong with the engine and radios..

6. Found out that we all received different amounts of compensation depending on the extent we protested.. some ignorant ones (like me n my bro) received $10, some $100, some $150, one lady received $300.. Jetstar doesn't seem to have a proper management system, if they have it at all..

7. Talked to a taxi driver in Darwin n yeah, he confirmed that jetstar is terrible because their flights are often delayed, while when he was late for his flight for 10mins, they told him he could not board.

I think this combination of bad planes, bad timings, bad service and bad reputation is enough to stay off Jetstar the rest of my life...

Le Café - Oldelaf

2009-12-24T02:11:00.000-08:00

A French song I accidentally found on Youtube that harps on the effect of coffee.. and taking too much coffee hahaha.. Basically, in the beginning of the song the lyrics kind of concludes that nothing keeps one alert and functioning like a cup of coffee, but throughout the day, various people offered the main character cups and cups of coffee.. until in the end he becomes addicted, and well, you can see the result for yourself.

Even if you don't understand French, do check out the video because it's easy to understand and really funny!

2009-12-22T04:01:00.000-08:00

Gotten a bit in touch with reality today, checking the exam results...
More than satisfactory, thank goodness, though I need to put more heart into studio next sem..

In a sudden flash of inspiration.. I "know" what my thesis topic will be... Hehehe.. It joins the complexity of architecture, the wide scope of landscape, and my desire to do something meaningful and not just cosmetic design... Plus, I'll be able to study it a bit when I go to China *Excited! Sending out CS resuests now..* and I can learn a lot about it from my own country, Indonesia..

Ass on fire now... I wanna make my last year in NUS really meaningful... Uooh!

Calmly Cairns...

2009-12-19T02:33:00.000-08:00

Cairns is a city in North Australia that I chose for the family holiday simply for the "exotic-sounding name" factor.. Aside from the fact that it's a popular base to explore the Great Barrier Reef..

Dang this town is so calm.. in a nice way.. When we first came we couldn't believe we've arrived at the city center because all we could see was one storey buildings unformly built in beach bungalo style, painted in pastel colors.. Green, lush mountains form the backrop for the city, while the beach peeps from in between the buildings...

It lends new meaning to the phrase "the good life" ... (Though I was talking to the hotel receptionist and got a glimpse of just how bad the racial separation problems between the white Australians and the Aborigines are..)

Well.. went snorkeling with middle bro and Dad, which is an achievement because it took a lot of my persuasive powers to convince my Mom that it is not dangerous.. Mom and Grandma, in turn, enjoyed the beauty of the reefs on a semi-submarine..

Took a 7km cable car ride atop mountainous rainforest, of which the highlight of my day was when my Mom went into the forest, saw the big trees and thought them pretty cool (she normally would not be found in these kind of 'habitats'...) Ended up in an Aborigines cultural village, tried out how to throw a spear and a boomerang (not as difficult as I imagined, and fun!)

Family going back tomorrow while youngest bro and I will stay back 3 more days for, hopefully, more exploring and walking. Been really enjoying Australia, and the company of my family.. Guess one great thing that emerged from this is that I get to show my parents the activities I usually like to do, the way I usually like to explore, and they've been pretty cool about it. Glad for that.

It's true that people live through their experience.. that days count more if you experience new things everyday, while they don't count if you just live a monotonous life..
And boy, I've been living it up this holiday!

Briefly Brisbane

2009-12-19T02:11:00.000-08:00

Stopped over in Brisbane for 2 nights. Some cool stuff:

1. Went to Dreamworld theme park with the whole family and it was unexpectedly pretty fun *ok I know I'm negatively biased towards family holidays, but it's just because in my family we really do have very different characters and hobbies*. Kudos to Mom for trying out this thrill ride called "The Cyclone" that..well... spins you around, basically.. Went on a ride called the "Tower of Terror" with my bros.. supposedly one of the fastest thrill rides in the world.. Let's just say it was surprising, and if you want to experience being catapulted from 0 kmph to about 120 kmph in several seconds, this one's for you..

2. I understand now why Gold Coast is called Gold Coast... We arrived there nearing the evening where there weren't so many surfers, and well.. the place is basically a long, long, long stretch of soft, beige sand..as far as the eyes can see.. combined with aquamarine waters and cool rushing waves.. I had my doubts about visiting Gold Coast because I thought it would be just like any other commercialised beaches.. but even Skeptic Shiela admits that it's beautiful..

3. For the first time in my holiday I experienced the Australian summer..haha.. because in Melbourne and Sydney the weather was like autumn in Europe..brr!

Aside from those, Australia has unexpectedly diverse and great food.. Arguably better than Singapore.. According to a friend from Melbourne who've stayed in Singapore, it's because a lot of immigrants who come to Australia open eateries, and do all the cooking and serving themselves.. True enough, when we went to Korean restaurants, all the waitresses are Koreans.. Vietnamese restaurants = Vietnamese waitresses, sushi outlets = Japanese cooks and waitresses.. This is where Australia wins hands down, since in Singapore the cooks / staffs who prepare the food will not be the "authentic" nationalities.. Still kinda searching around for authentic 'Australian' fare though.. you have the typical kangaroo burger and steak, crocodile meat, baramundi (a type of fish), and drinks and desserts made from bush plants.. but I think Australian food is not really Australia's selling point..

Brisbane city is very walkable (though hot), and the City Hall - a rather nice building - is now a free museum chronicling Brisbane's history. Now, if you ever go there, I think there's one thing absolutely worth seeing: go to the toilets, because they use huge solid marble slabs as.. the cubicle divider.... Easily one of the most lavish public toilets I've seen!

Suddenly Sydney, and Mom, and Dad..

2009-12-14T03:57:00.000-08:00

.....
....
....
...ok, so I've stood in front of the Sydney Opera House.. and only then did I truly appreciate what a piece of engineering marvel that is.... And Sydney does have a very beautiful harbour..

Went inside a rainforest in the Blue Mountains near Sydney. Loved it. Tall fern trees.. Lush moss carpet... And the inside of the forest feels like it's air-conditioned... I think some Singaporeans would kill to have that kind of rainforest weather inside Sg's nature reserves..

Australia.. is nothing like I expected.. Seen the fairy penguins (Penguins are indeed so very bloody cute!!!), seen the fantastic coastline, seen the weird plants and animals, seen the particular style of architecture, seen the clothes people wear on the street, seen the climate... Am considering overstaying and being an illegal immigrant...

Honestly.. I'm still lingering on my memories exploring Melbourne's laneways (Oh yeah, in the great debate of whether Sydney or Melbourne is better, I'm definitely with the Melbournians.. Lots of reasons..)

On another note.. Quite some stuff happened.. Among which was a big row with my parents over issues that kept reappearing, like my backpacking around and how I could never really forgive my mom for all the things she said to me while I was growing up...

I think, I can finally let go of my vengeful feelings that I thought I couldn't help having.. Just feel so relieved now, a lot lighter.. Straightened out a lot of misunderstandings with my parents.. AND secured their blessing to work in any part of the world I choose to. Very glad about that.. It felt bad when I really want to work outside Singapore and my parents can only point out how Singapore is "safe and convenient".

I can't believe my parents thought I'm obsessed *actual word used by them* with dating a European just as a "ticket" to move and live to Europe. It's ridiculous to the point of being funny, if only I can ignore the fact that my own parents thought I'm that scheming....

I can't believe my parents said, " You're our daughter, we will always be here for you.. Even if you are pregnant right now, we will be with you.."

Oh wow... That's very reassuring...

Ah well, they promise to not make ridiculous assumptions anymore, and I'll try to be more open now that I'm not very defensive and hateful towards them.

Hufh, a lot of sorting out. Make no mistake, I still think I'm very, very lucky, at least to have parents that never, ever complain about providing for the kids financially. AND they have provided so much more than enough. They've got lots of good sides, and my promise is that I'll remember more and more of their good sides than their weaknesses as parents.

Ufh, well.. So far this family holiday has been unexpectedly enjoyable... So glad!

On to Brisbane tomorrow!

Melbourne On My Mind

2009-12-07T03:26:00.001-08:00

Can't. Get. Enough. Seriously.

The architecture student in me is having the time of her life. Fantastic superimposition of Victorian and modern architecture. Totally cool use of materials. Weird and wonderful forms. Alleys and lanes. Graffiti. Quirky spaces.

Concentrated, and intense.

And not so many people so there's so much space.

Dang staying in Singapore is becoming more and more difficult.

A! AAA!

2009-12-01T05:23:00.000-08:00

(image can be found here: http://www.textually.org/textually/archives/images/set3/australia_kangaroo.jpg)

*Australia! Another Adventure Awaits!*

*I just love playing with words starting with the same letter...*

Anyway, will be off to Aussi on 3rd Dec till the 23rd, following the route: Canberra - Melbourne-Sydney - Blue Mountains (maybe) - Brisbane - Gold Coast - Cairns (Great Barrier Reef!). It's a family holiday and I'm the one in charge of planning the route haha.. pretty cool trying to accommodate the whims and fancies of every family member.. Shopping for Mom (and plenty of rest stops..and not too much outdoorsy stuff..), museums and parks for me n Dad (Yay!), weird food for my middle bro (kangaroo and crocodile steaks..), and hot Aussie chicks for the youngest one (though I don't need to plan for this..)

Was thinking of going backpacking alone while waiting for my family to join me in Aussi, but in the end am going first with my youngest bro. Was wondering if it'll be difficult to connect because of our age gap, hadn't talked to him for long, etc, but if these few days serve as an indicator, we'll have a good time talking nonsense =D Actually, am pretty proud for being a big sis that my bros can connect easily with..hahaha..

Some facts I find interesting about Australia...

1. Christmas is in summer.. which is totally a far cry from all the Christmassy stuff I'm accustomed to hearing/ watching.. oh well am gonna do some beach Christmas shots w/ the bro haha..

2. Half of Australia is used for sheep rearing.. somehow now when I see a map of Australia there's a "soundtrack" of sheep bleating in my mind..

3. There's a "flying doctor" service that provide medical care to people living in the Outback.. cuz many people would die, isolated, without this kind of service..

4. Of course, it's home to Sydney Opera House and Federation Square! in fact, I've made a list of all the buildings I want to see, and I'll try to 'tick' everything!

5. The title of Australia's national song, "Waltzing Matilda", is German for 'carrying a backpack'! I thought this is just so cool!

So yeah, am really excited about going there... I think when I stand in front of the Sydney Opera House - such an icon of Australia for architecture students - it'll take me several seconds to really register that I'm standing there.. Just like when I first stood in front of Eiffel..

Strange thing is, what makes it a little less exciting..is the fact that people speak English in Australia hahaha.. somehow, I've come to associate traveling with trying to communicate with people with a different language, and speaking English just doesn't give the same 'kick' hahaha..

Oh well, Aussie here I come!

On Immortality, Ending and Meaning

2009-11-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

"Immortality - a fate worse than death."

- Edgar A. Shoaff

As a religious believer, I am taught that immortality, life eternal with God by our side, is something truly desirable, if not the ultimate goal of our worldly life, and death. Well, very nearly in my Christian life, I've been wondering about immortality..

First, I wonder how the meanings of things will change, because I think a lot of events, relationships, things, are given greater meaning precisely because they have an ending. Human lives are so precious because death can take it from us any moment. Marriage is bearable because you know there would be one day you would be separated from your loved one. Beauty is desperately sought for the reason it is elusive and fleeting. Not to mention, a lot of things require very hard work to maintain and wouldn't it be utterly exhausting and meaningless to maintain it eternally? An easy, albeit simplistic, example would be school. Architecture school is great fun, but would I enjoy my time in school as much if I know I'd stay in school forever? Would I even have enough energy to keep up with all that's needed? Ultimately, I'd start taking things for granted, work a lot less, think that there's no point in having school, and generally just won't care about it. Replace school with work, marriage, friendship, life, anything.. and I think the resulting downward slip would be the same.

(Maybe this is why Christians are not supposed to find the meaning of something in itself, but instead something is meaningful because it is done for God. Theoretically, immortality will be great because then we will have all the time in the world to enjoy God. )

Secondly, partly thanks to architectural education, I believe variety is the soul of pleasure, and well.. with immortality, logically it will just be more and more difficult to have variety, and hence, to find pleasure. Again, another simplistic example: I think a lot of people can bear getting married and staying faithful because marriage has a definite *hopefully not too long* time period. I bet if people are immortal, there will be so much higher occurence of affairs simply because.. well.. how does it feel to be with one person for eternity ? Heck, it might even be a world where we have "contract marriages".. *What you want ah? 20 years? 50 years? 5 years?* I wonder..

But hey, I'm confusing the ideal eternal world depicted by my religion with my own imaginings about what it means to be immortal.. I guess my thought is: to handle immortality requires strength of character way beyond what we humans collectively have right now... and so I wonder, how does this "eternity" thing work, anyway? Would God change our character just before we're made immortals? Don't think so. Well then, do we become immortal and keep our human flaws? Hmm... what does it mean to be human anyway when Death no longer holds sway?

Of course, the answer is again, "Trust God", and yeah, I know some would say I shouldn't try to comprehend God's plan with a human's brain.. Then again, this human brain of mine is the only one I have!

Obey the Rules...

2009-11-24T03:34:00.000-08:00

On Learning Chinese

2009-11-23T04:50:00.001-08:00

"Learning Chinese is a life sentence."

-Daniel Kane, The Chinese Language

Well well. The past week I've been revising what little Chinese I've learnt over the years and started listening to Chinese podcasts.. Motivation? Very, very impure. Unlike English, which I learnt naturally just because I love reading, or French, which I'm learning because it's melodious, my learning Chinese has all to do with bruised pride.

Unlike the major part of my extended family which grew up in a Chinese speaking community, I grew up in such a way that I did not even come into contact with Mandarin until I moved from Java, my birthplace, to Pekanbaru in Sumatra, where my extended family live. Then, the torture began: "Huh? You cannot speak Chinese? But you are Chinese! Such a shame..." "What? You don't know how to call Second-Grand-Uncle or Third-Cousin-in-Law? How could you..."

Same thing happens when I moved to Singapore, though to be fair people are rather understanding when I tell them I'm from Indonesia and the cruel Suharto regime outlawed speaking Mandarin. Pepper this with stories about unfair treatment of the Chinese in Indonesia and you'll have nods of sympathy and a kind response: "Like that ah.. No wonder lah...." Over the years, various people from various backgrounds has questioned me : "You can't speak Chinese? But you look like Chinese..." which admittedly created a desire to learn Chinese just to stop hearing this kind of comments...

The last straw, though, came not long ago when a lao wai / ang moh / kuai lo / bule friend of mine sms-ed me using Chinese characters... AAAAAAHHHH! That was when the feeling of, "It's now or never.. Either I learn or I lose!" started..

And... it's been pretty fun so far, actually.. The weird thing was that I didn't even realize how much I already know until I started paying attention to people's conversations, TV programmes, podcasts etc.. It's like taking the same bus everyday and never pay attention to the scenery so you don't remember anything consciously.. but when you start trying to recall, then you realize you have actually noticed quite some things..

According to the US language training department for diplomats, though, to attain the minimum diplomatic proficiency level for Western European languages like French or German, one needs 520 hours, while the same level in Chinese needs 2400 hours..

. . . . . . . .

My life sentence starts now...

On the Pleasure of Living (or rather, the lack of..)

2009-11-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

"...every minute here is a real pleasure to live, what else could I ask for?"

- P, on living in China

"And in the end, it's not the years of your life that counts, it's the life in your years."

- Abraham Lincoln

Was chatting with a friend when he uttered this kinda deep words.. first reaction: "Dang lucky b*st**d..", second reaction: "Uhm.. when was the last time I felt like that?"

Thankfully after a short reflection I could say that just recently I felt that I really love living, when I was in the midst of my Malaysian kakis, just cooking, laughing, teasing each other. Nothing like a great meal amongst great friends to bring some joy.

Thinking further, though, made me realize that I get no pleasure from living in Singapore.. Hufh.. It's not about school, or friends, or food.. Mind you, I have no complaints for that.. It's just the place itself, the physical environment, that I find no joy in.. When was the last time I went to a place in Singapore and really went "Wow..."? Is there any place here I come back to again, again and again and still enamores me? I find no new experience in this place I'm living in, and that's just why I desperately need to escape into different worlds inside the books I read..

Maybe it's cuz I've been here too long.. Maybe it's my own fault. When I first came here, I thought a lot of positive things.. I could explore anywhere I want late into the night because Singapore's so safe.. I could read as much as I want because of its fantastic libraries.. I could spend so much time daydreaming in the Botanic Gardens.. I could find food from almost anywhere.. But at one point, I just stopped thinking positively because it seemed that I'm trying too hard to make something out of my banal, monotonous life in Singapore..

Maybe it's cuz I've been to many places, started comparing around, and found Singapore wanting.. And over the years, I've come to understand what I'm looking for in LIfe, and safety and convenience are, unfortunately, not my top priorities. (In fact I am somewhat scared that living in Singapore is making me a spoiled brat that cannot survive without air-conditioning.. Clearly something needs to be done...)

In any case, enough moping around. I think one large part of my dissatisfaction also is because I just stop doing things that I enjoy or find meaningful - long walks, teaching english, volunteering, reading children stories - for the silly reason that "I don't have time.."

Isn't it funny how we always seem to end up doing the urgent things, the "need-to-be-done" things, instead of the important and enjoyable things? So, let's start from there!

Dear reader, can you honestly say to yourself that right now it is a pleasure to live? If not, well, start living, because, as Benjamin Franklin said:

"Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff Life is made of."

P.S. The weird thing is, I have always had this sense that my life in Singapore is just a preparation for something else, somewhere else.. 8 years in this little island, becoming a permanent resident along the way, and I still cannot shake the feeling that I don't belong here, though Singapore's been nothing but good to me..

Hmmmm.....

Mu....

2009-11-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Weirdest email I've got ever, tt I've promised the sender I will put here =D

Mengepak Barang

2009-11-21T00:08:00.000-08:00

Shiela.. tidak merasa bahwa dia memiliki terlalu banyak buku. Tumpukan kardus berkata lain.